Throat Cancer
Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 7:50 pmI have posted on this site before with a struggle I have had, but this one blows away any problem I have ever faced.
My dad is one of those dads that is full of love but expresses it in different ways than most people. He rarely/never says the word "love" out loud, or hugs anyone. He expresses it with material items, special events (meaning important, close, fun, symbolic, etc., not "expensive" events.), or laughing and being silly. He is awkward in that way and not really very compatible with me, as I am not really materialistic at all, and don't appreciate stuff like he does. Some people just treasure things in some symbolic way that I don't understand. He is fun-loving/outgoing and I am studious/reserved. That's not to say we haven't had a good father-son relationship.
He also apparently doesn't believe sickness can happen to him, and ignored me for years trying to get him to get a checkup.
Long story short, he found out the hard way that he has throat cancer. It appears to be advanced according to the doctor, and most likely has spread from its appearance and other basic tests. Better tests are being done to give a better picture of where it has gone to, and he has not yet seen a cancer specialist. As I have described, he doesn't have the personality to express his grief out loud. Not sure how to describe it, but he makes it seem like it's just his time, and "oh well", although I know he doesn't mean it that way. He doesn't know how to express emotion like that.
I have hid my heavy grieving from him. I have prayed and gotten family, friends, and coworkers praying for him. I know he's scared to death. I am scared to death. I know that God could be taking him home, but I pray instead that this was just a wake up call, that he needs to take care of his health, and He will heal my dad miraculously.
I am here for the power of prayer. I believe in it, and it's all I've got. I feel selfish, that I am only praying because I want my dad here. I am in my mid-twenties and this is the hardest thing for me. I have always dreaded this day, and can't believe it's here. All I have is prayer and faith. I know God's plan is best. My prayer is for God to work a miracle into the plan. I know even in the worst case, with God I can survive this. I pray for not the worst case.
Thank you kindly for your prayers and support.
My dad is one of those dads that is full of love but expresses it in different ways than most people. He rarely/never says the word "love" out loud, or hugs anyone. He expresses it with material items, special events (meaning important, close, fun, symbolic, etc., not "expensive" events.), or laughing and being silly. He is awkward in that way and not really very compatible with me, as I am not really materialistic at all, and don't appreciate stuff like he does. Some people just treasure things in some symbolic way that I don't understand. He is fun-loving/outgoing and I am studious/reserved. That's not to say we haven't had a good father-son relationship.
He also apparently doesn't believe sickness can happen to him, and ignored me for years trying to get him to get a checkup.
Long story short, he found out the hard way that he has throat cancer. It appears to be advanced according to the doctor, and most likely has spread from its appearance and other basic tests. Better tests are being done to give a better picture of where it has gone to, and he has not yet seen a cancer specialist. As I have described, he doesn't have the personality to express his grief out loud. Not sure how to describe it, but he makes it seem like it's just his time, and "oh well", although I know he doesn't mean it that way. He doesn't know how to express emotion like that.
I have hid my heavy grieving from him. I have prayed and gotten family, friends, and coworkers praying for him. I know he's scared to death. I am scared to death. I know that God could be taking him home, but I pray instead that this was just a wake up call, that he needs to take care of his health, and He will heal my dad miraculously.
I am here for the power of prayer. I believe in it, and it's all I've got. I feel selfish, that I am only praying because I want my dad here. I am in my mid-twenties and this is the hardest thing for me. I have always dreaded this day, and can't believe it's here. All I have is prayer and faith. I know God's plan is best. My prayer is for God to work a miracle into the plan. I know even in the worst case, with God I can survive this. I pray for not the worst case.
Thank you kindly for your prayers and support.
