Who do you live for?

[logi bear]

Ecclesiastes 1:3-8

3 What profit has a man from all his labor In which he toils under the sun?
4 [One] generation passes away, and [another] generation comes; But the earth abides forever.
5 The sun also rises, and the sun goes down, And hastens to the place where it arose.
6 The wind goes toward the south, And turns around to the north; The wind whirls about continually, And comes again on its circuit.
7 All the rivers run into the sea, Yet the sea [is] not full; To the place from which the rivers come, There they return again.
8 All things [are] full of labor; Man cannot express [it]. The eye is not satisfied with seeing, Nor the ear filled with hearing. NKJV

When i was in 9th grade, I went to church about 5 times a week. Three services, prayer, and youth group. I also went to Bible club, I stood up for God in front of my friends, and i was not afraid to share my Christianity, and I carried a Bible in my purse and i read it sometimes at lunch. I was the "Bible thumper...." I actually had one person look me right in the eyes and say "You're one of those "Church" goers aren't you?" Even though i had never met him before, nor said a word about my faith. Most of the people i met, just rolled their eyes at me, and dismissed me as crazy. But to my Christian friends, they saw me as a happy devoted Christian. They had no idea that even though I went to Church all the time, and I shared my faith with others, I really wasn't living my life for God. Sure i cared about God, I had asked Him into my heart, I prayed, read devotionals, listened to worship music, I felt Him convict me when i did something wrong, I had a passion to share His love with others..... But yet i only felt satisfied in my life when i was focused on Him, only rare moments like when i was in worship at church, in a Bible study, or reading His word in the hallway at lunch near the school swimming pool. That's because most of the time i was not focused on Him, I was focused on ME. I was not living my life for the one who bring satisfaction, I was living it for myself.
I hung out with my friends, I ran in track, I did my homework, I practiced flute and piano on average 4 to 6 hours a day , as many hours as possible because i wanted to be a musician. I had my life all planned out, what I wanted to do, what college I was going to go to.. yet none of it brought me satisfaction. Hanging out with my friends, playing music, running, it was all fun, I loved doing it, but there was no satisfaction. I cried in my room and in the bathroom often when no one was watching, I drove myself crazy looking in all the wrong places for satisfaction. I practiced flute even more, I became obsessed with it, I was sure that being the perfect flautist would make me satisfied. I became discontent with my body, i was sure that being beautiful would make me happy, so I developed an eating disorder. I worked out even harder , EVERYDAY, no matter how tired i was or how bad I felt, because i wanted to loose weight, and i thought that being an athlete would bring me satisfaction. I listened to my Ipod all day to drown out the depressing thoughts..... And I secretly began to enjoy homework, even though i complained about it. I thought maybe finishing all the work in front of me would bring me satisfaction. But nothing worked. "What profit has a man from all his labor In which he toils under the sun?" All the practicing, exercising, and homework in the world couldn't bring me satisfaction. I was looking in all the wrong places. The only time i felt satisfied was when I was seeking God, in Church, in the hallway during lunch. It never occurred to me that i could be satisfied all the time, if I would take my eyes off myself, and keep them on God.
I'll be honest here, I still struggle with this. As i sit here in my house, unable to drive, go to school, out with my friends, to run in track, play flute, or even blast music on my Ipod to drown out all the thoughts going round and round in my head .. its hard not to be discontent. Its hard to take my eyes off myself, and to focus them on God instead, even though i know somewhere in my heart that if i do it will bring me the happiness and satisfaction I seek. Even though I know that all those things that have been taken from me, never brought me satisfaction anyway. This is one of the lessons God is teaching me through this long long trial. That satisfaction will never come through my life, it will never come through my accomplishments, no matter how much I want it to. Satisfaction can only come through Him, my Creator. And on those rare days when I can pry, chisel, DRAG my eyes off of myself and look up at Him instead, I am happy. I am satisfied, I don't care that I'm home-bound, that i can't "live my life" like everyone else. Because He is with me, He will always be with me, He will never leave me or forsake me, He will be my strength, He will teach me right from wrong, He will carry me when I cannot walk, He will collect all of my tears in bottle, He will ever never sin against me, He will be closer to me than my best friend, and more intimate with me than my future spouse if I let Him. He is my God, my Creator, He will be with me for eternity, and that is my purpose, my very reason for existence is to be with Him. Is it any wonder then, that only being with God brings me my satisfaction?
When your eyes are on God, nothing else matters. When your eyes are on God, you can see your life and your accomplishments for what they are truly worth, nothing. How can something that is worthless ever bring you satisfaction? Do not look to your life for satisfaction. Do not look to your career, your hobbies, or even your relationships with friends and family. Nothing can substitute for God. Live your life for Him, not for yourself, it works, I PROMISE!!!