connecting
Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2012 8:12 pmHello out there. This is my very first time here. I have recently come to the end of myself. I am so thankful that God does not show us everything that is wrong with us all at once. I am also thankful that he never stops showing us the sin in our lives so we can deal then heal. I am resolved to get my emotions under control. I have been wounded so deeply, and I have let anger and unforgiveness completely take over. I have not sought any kind of revenge, my solution? Sut down and write the person off who has inflicted the injury or disappointment. My attitude, all I need is God anyway, forget all of these immature, hurtful people. Sounds great, until you look around and you are all alone. You cannot deny the common denominator, me.
I am working through a book right now called, "Healing is a Choice". I am on Chapter two and I feel like I am going through a heart/spirit root canal. That book has lead me here. This is part of the work. I have to find people to connect to. I would go and find a church but we are Military and we will be relocating very soon. I also like the fact that I can be completely honest in here. I plan on finding a home church in our new location.
One testimony before I go, God used Chapter one to get my heart ready for a huge shock. One of the biggest perpetrators of my deepest wounds phoned, my father. Haven't spoken to him in about 5 years. My parents divorced when I was an adult and he disappeared from all of our lives. This was not the first rejection I have suffered at his hands. I never have had the courage to tell him that he had hurt me. Usually, I talk about nothing emotional, just hows the weather etc. This call was different, I felt the Holy Spirit give me the courage to say what needed to be said. I am hurt. His response was shocking....he apologized, and affirmed his deep love for me. He took responsiblity for the hurt and for the last 3 days he has been calling. My father is not saved, but I watched our merciful God perform a miracle through him and he heal a big part of my heart. I am not done yet. Unfortunately, I am still hurting from others in my life...but the encouragement I received from this experience is more then words can describe. When my father told me that he loved me, a flood of hurt was released. I cried from the most innermost parts of my soul. I could feel the deep walls just crumble around my heart and I responded like a little girl, " I love you so much daddy!" " I have missed you so , so much." Instantly, I was set free! I am so free! In an instant, I saw my father as a sinful, broken, human being regretting the pain he caused. I recognized that he was a train wreck before I was even born...I was just collateral damage. I saw his pain, and forgave him for hurting me. I am learning about what real forgiveness is all about.
I am working through a book right now called, "Healing is a Choice". I am on Chapter two and I feel like I am going through a heart/spirit root canal. That book has lead me here. This is part of the work. I have to find people to connect to. I would go and find a church but we are Military and we will be relocating very soon. I also like the fact that I can be completely honest in here. I plan on finding a home church in our new location.
One testimony before I go, God used Chapter one to get my heart ready for a huge shock. One of the biggest perpetrators of my deepest wounds phoned, my father. Haven't spoken to him in about 5 years. My parents divorced when I was an adult and he disappeared from all of our lives. This was not the first rejection I have suffered at his hands. I never have had the courage to tell him that he had hurt me. Usually, I talk about nothing emotional, just hows the weather etc. This call was different, I felt the Holy Spirit give me the courage to say what needed to be said. I am hurt. His response was shocking....he apologized, and affirmed his deep love for me. He took responsiblity for the hurt and for the last 3 days he has been calling. My father is not saved, but I watched our merciful God perform a miracle through him and he heal a big part of my heart. I am not done yet. Unfortunately, I am still hurting from others in my life...but the encouragement I received from this experience is more then words can describe. When my father told me that he loved me, a flood of hurt was released. I cried from the most innermost parts of my soul. I could feel the deep walls just crumble around my heart and I responded like a little girl, " I love you so much daddy!" " I have missed you so , so much." Instantly, I was set free! I am so free! In an instant, I saw my father as a sinful, broken, human being regretting the pain he caused. I recognized that he was a train wreck before I was even born...I was just collateral damage. I saw his pain, and forgave him for hurting me. I am learning about what real forgiveness is all about.
