Christianity Oasis Member Forum & Chat Room

OK here's the situation. I met a guy online (christian chat room, not here) in a short period of time we became friends, then more than friends. It didn't work out. He is now interested in another woman. Which to be perfectly honest, I'm happy for him. He's the type that feels he needs someone in his life and it's a good thing for him.

One day shortly after we decided to be just friends I was accused of checking on him one time I entered a chat room they both were in. I wasn't checking in on him. Anyway I felt like if he thought I was checking on him that maybe she did also. I did not want her to think I was some jealous person stalking him etc. I wanted to let her know and he got very very upset and told me that she didn't care and to leave it alone. I said I would and I did at that time.

Another time the 3 of us were in a chat room. In a pm, out of the blue he mentioned something again about me speaking to her (asked me if I was in pm with her.) I was upset because it wasn't even on my mind, and I was having a great time in the chat at that time. It was a total joy kill. Again I thought "did I do something or say something that offened her, and is she thinking negative about me?" I guess I shouldn't care but I did. Anyway I pm'd her asking if there was anything I did or said to offend her. I only asked because I felt really really bad if I did, my heart was actually racing. I hate feeling like I did something to hurt someone I considered friendly. Although I couldn't think of anything I could've said. But because he pm'd me I was very concerned.

Needless to say he assumed and/or she told him that I pm'd her and again he got very very upset with me. For 1 reason because I said I wouldn't, but that was before he randomly accused me of speaking to her out of the blue. I apologized and said I stay out of his business for his sake. I understood how much she means to him and wanted to respect that. Our friendship fell apart because I spoke to her after I said I wouldn't. We didn't really speak to each other after that. The 2nd and main reason I feel he was upset is because he shared somethings with me that at that time he obviously had not shared with her and he was paranoid that I would tell her. I would never do that but we hadn't known each other long so understood the mistrust. On the other hand I felt like I just wanted to make sure I didn't offend her in anyway. We were always friendly in chat. That was the only reason I pm'd her

Part 2 ... Time passed (maybe a wk or less) and we spoke briefly in chat hello etc.. maybe a in response to each other. I also received a positive response to an email in reply to a poem I wrote. So things were better. As close as we were before, no, but I was ok with that. At any rate there was less tension. So again we were in chat definitely less tension and there was a topic in the room that I wanted to talk to her about in pm. Forgetting about what happened before. I wanted to ask her a question in pm. So I asked her in room if I could pm her. BIG MISTAKE.. because he and I were chatting etc and more friendly with each other than before, I didn't even think about him seeing that and thinking what he thought before. Then I got a pm from him while in pm with her asking why I am pm'ing her. It was at that point where I was like OH NO! and oops I did it again.. My intentions were not to cause problems. I blocked them both just so I didn't have to feel like I had to walk on egg shells when they were both in room etc. and so he would stop pm'ing paranoid. First I didn't have her blocked but after i entered into a room with her and lost connection and came back she made a smart remark to the affect that this should be the leave when I come in room or something, (I guess she was saying I left cause she was there or something.) after that I blocked her. I felt like I didn't have to be subject to that.

What should I do? My emotions are all over the place and it's bothering me. I feel stupid that I might still have feelings for him. I just wished he had told her in confidence what he told me and I think things would have much much more different. Hopefully he has. If not I pray she still accepts him as I did.

Sis Merry Christmas

You may not like what Im gonna say, but I know you will know that I say it from a place of love.

You need to let go of this person. I know how difficult that can be, having been in that place before, especially since feelings dont just disappear immediately after a relationship ends. But you need to take the steps necessary to move on with your life, as he has moved on with his. And this just might include severing contact with him and the woman he is with, at least for now. Your heart needs time to heal. He has made his choice, and now it is up to you whether you want to spend your time pining over him, when it is obvious he chosen another direction.

Sister? Life is too short. It will take time to heal from this relationship, but again, having been there before, I know that it will happen in time. You just have to stop looking behind and start looking ahead. God has other things in store for you and will reveal those things in His time, but you wont see em if ur head is turned towards the past.

God bless you sis and may His will be done in this matter.

Loveflows,
first I want to wish you a merry CHRISTmas
next as a man from a man's point of view.... amen to ALL of what Lizzie is telling you
He must not trust this girl like he trusted in you so it probably will not be the best REAL ationship but it also sounds like he has some insecurities so do yourself a favor and move on at least for now and if it is Gods will for you 2 to be together then it will be.
You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders (please don't take this wrong, I am old enough to be your dad) but pretty to boot so you don't need to be dwelling on the past!
So I wish you luck and prayers will be said that this gentleman and his new flame stop trying to drag you into the middle of their issues but most importantly God's will be done.
God bless
Cuc

Lizzie and CUC thanks for your honest feed back...

Lizzie u started out with "You may not like what Im gonna say, but I know you will know that I say it from a place of love. " I smiled =) sounds like me.. I do know what necessary steps to take now and will do so.. hard but not impossible, with God all things are possible...

CUC there definitely is a trust issue, and that was a problem before we decided to "just be friends." I pray God is working on him so she doesn't have to go through some of what I did.. and believe me at first I was like "she'll see" (in reference to his insecurities) but now I don't want her "to see", or feel how I did when I felt like I wasn't being trusted..

Lizzie and CUC again thanks so much please keep me in your prayers..

GBU