what has come between my family (and i say "my family" but really i mean my mom, as she controls everyone else's actions ... so if she doesn't like you, then no body in the family likes you) so, what has come between my mom and me is my faith, she would say its the homeschooling and the radical submission that is practiced in our home .... but both of these link back to Jesus Christ, in my eyes its my faith in God that has driven her away from us.
for many years i listened to her try to convince my kids that homeschooling was wrong and bad and not as good as public education. for many years i listened to her try to convince me (in not so subtle ways) that i should be working and not depriving my kids of materials possessions such as (by this she means everything else that other kids have ... whatever that may be) ...
i never really said much back, as i knew it would result in "challenging" her. thats not the way it works in our family ... you either do what she
suggests ... or you put up with the biting comments of her airing her opinion .... but you never, never challenge her .... i found this out growing up, that once you challenged her, openly ... you had a fight on your hands until you changed your opinion to agree with her; and she presses in ... in an open forum usually.
well, God told me it was time; so with my list of things to say and my "parameters" (which were from God: you're not to raise your voice; you are to speak in calm measured tones; and you are to stay on target ... don't allow the conversation to stray) ...
the week arrived from monday to thursday God was prompting me to call her for this discussion. the discussion was that i was to call her into account for something she had said to my daughters ... in my presence, which i had not responded to at the time. she had said, "don't you girls miss your friends at school?"
it seems benign, right. yes, it would seem. however, what God said is that, "she's now done ... you are not to allow it anymore; its gone on for too many years, its time you speak in the freedom
I have given you"
as i said, He was prompting me to call from monday until thursday... and it started again on friday ... and i was dragging my heels, as i knew it would be the "end" ... and i was afraid
... i was praying for the courage, and the phone rang ... yes, it was my mom ... at first i was vomity terrified ... then a quiet calm and assurance came over me ... and God put the words in my mouth !!!
"can you hang on mom, i just have to get something" ... (my voice but not my words) !!!!!! i put down the phone and the Lord said .... "now, go get the list you wrote" at this point He didn't leave me .... but He did step back slightly. i felt like a small child taking her first few steps with my heavenly Father's hands on either side of me to catch me if i fell.
i got my list and started the convo. "mom, you can't say stuff like that to my kids anymore. you can't ask them any questions about homeschooling that are negatively leading. you cannot challenge how we've chosen to run our marriage and family. you have to support our decisions with our
OWN kids". i love you mom, but its not fair to them or to us. our kids don't have a choice about homeschooling, so its cruel of you to make them think that they do. and with our marriage, it really isn't any of your business. i'm sorry to have to tell you these things. i've felt like this for quite sometime now, and i'm sorry that i didn't have the courage until now to tell you. this isn't just about the question that you asked the girls ... "about not missing their friends at school" .... its about you not supporting our lifestyle ... that you've never supported our homeschooling .... how hard its been for many years (10 years) ..... that last comment that you made .... was really the last one. you need to start supporting us ... and if you don't, then at least when you are in the presence of our children, don't allow them to think that you don't."
this wasn't received so well, actually, it was totally mis-interpreted. she said good bye to me that day because she didn't want to have people in her life that she couldn't speak her opinion freely .... and she went one step further in her mind to say that, its wrong for me to only allow people to share my own opinion as long as they are around my children and in my home.
at this point she tried several different ways to convince me (yet again) that i needed to get a job and put them in school .... i just kept repeating the the same things over and over again .... in different ways (as was from my list that the Lord gave me) .... finally she said that i was forcing her to choose and that she would be saying good bye for good.
that was almost 5 years ago, she stopped acknowledging me, darrell and our kids ... she used to send cards and gifts on all occasions etc. and it all just stopped .... as it did with all family members.
i continued to acknowledge birthdays, mother's day, father's day etc. until the Lord said, "enough, you are not honouring her by respecting her wishes" .... it was confusing at first, but He showed me that this was her choice and she was free to make it .... and you are going to honour her by respecting her choices because that is what
I ask of you.
i wouldn't say that it hurts less ... i would say it hurts the same amount ... time has just passed. like rings in the growth of a tree, if you were to cut me in half you would see a severe dip in my ring of that year ... it will always be there ... i've learned how to carry it .... how to manage it. there is a great analogy of emotional pain being similar to physical pain, in the course of healing, but it ends in that a broken bone cannot
remember being broken, where as your soul can.
the "bars" that were placed over that part of my heart have been opened up to Jesus. i don't believe that He reaches in magically and makes it disappear. what He does do is ..... when i return to that spot .... i find
HIM there standing in that spot ... right in the middle of that "cut" in the ring of my life.
Posted: Tue Dec 23, 2008 9:14 pm
.... yes the family of God does blow blood ties right out of the water; i never thought i would believe that until i read Matthew 12.
