Hello Ozziah,
Being ashamed of our sinful nature is a work of The Holy Spirit within us, but the enemy of our souls can also use it to convince us not to confess it.
Another tricky area is -- at least for me -- I despise the evil within me. This is also a work of The Holy Spirit, helping me to recognize quicker and then to repent quicker -- and that is a good thing. The problem is, I also despise those same evil traits in others, and oh boy, does the enemy of our souls prey on that. He thoroughly twists our emotional reactions to things, and if we are not careful, we'll start feeling hatred for those that have not yet been fully converted.
James 3:14 But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth.
Luke 22:31-32 And the Lord said, Simon, Simon; behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat: But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.
In other words, REPENT!!! And pray, pray, pray for the other person(s).
Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
The Word of God tells us repeatedly that when sharing, teaching, and helping our brothers and sisters in Christ, we have to do so gently, because we ourselves can easily become a target of the enemy.
Galatians 6:1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.
A spirit of meekness, is not weakness. When Jesus went to the cross, He did so in a spirit of meekness, NOT in a spirit of weakness. It was His choice and He was in control through the power of Almighty God working through Him.
Your question about maintaining a healthy level of self respect, well I, Mack -- a woman, see it this way:
God has ordained that men are responsible for the welfare of women. Like or not, men will be held accountable for the women that God places in their lives -- be it grandmothers, mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, cousins or nieces. His call.
If you, as a man, are defending others, do so valiantly with God as your lead. If you are defending yourself, allow God to defend you.
Luke 12:11-12 And when they bring you unto the synagogues, and unto magistrates, and powers, take ye no thought how or what thing ye shall answer, or what ye shall say. For the Holy Ghost shall teach you in the same hour what ye ought to say.
Ozziah, you've presented us with an awesome topic to discuss. I hope others, men and women, will chime in here too.
God bless and keep you.
Love,
Mack