Cant believe im doing this!!!! A piece of me
Posted: Fri Feb 29, 2008 10:52 amMany that know me don't usually see me.
I to have exscaped a physically and emotionally draining ex husband in 1997, but as I broke free and put the past behind me I didn't realize that I couldn't move on without dealing with the hurt and pain caused. In august of 2004 when my world come crashing down around me. A man I was engaged to at the time took my security in him out from under me. One night when I was at the end of my rope in flustration I backed him in a corner and I smacked him. He of course swung back and tipped me on the next didn't hurt, but I broke in tears I was devastated and I didn't know why. I couldn't understand how I got so raged at him to begin with, how my actions didn't speak of who I really was, and then for him to just go on natural reflex and swing how dare he. But at the same time even though I jumped back he barely nipped me my world come crashing down. From there I went in to a down word spiral. I was driving and all the sudden my heart went to racing thought I was having heart failure only to find out I was experiencing a major panick attack. They kept coming to the point It was time to seek professional help I couldn't drive 2 blks from home. My life would come to a stand still from that point. So I went to see a shrink who gave me meds but I'm stubborn refused to take till the day I spent 5 hours setting with my kids in the car on the toll road. I could not move, I was frozen and panick stricken. (thanks to the matenance dept. they followed me to the ending point of where I need to be) after that I knew I had to start taking the meds. I was told I needed to heal from my past that was pouring out in front of me after so many years. In April 2007 I come to Jesus and i've been healing wonderfully. (that is a testimony of its own for some other time) Im stronger then I have been and Im doing things again that I couldn't do when my world come tumbling down. Alls I can say if you don't deal with the pain and you run from the past it will catch up at some point. Trust in the our Lord to walk you through weeding and the hurt. I to still struggle with trust especially when men are involved.
I to have exscaped a physically and emotionally draining ex husband in 1997, but as I broke free and put the past behind me I didn't realize that I couldn't move on without dealing with the hurt and pain caused. In august of 2004 when my world come crashing down around me. A man I was engaged to at the time took my security in him out from under me. One night when I was at the end of my rope in flustration I backed him in a corner and I smacked him. He of course swung back and tipped me on the next didn't hurt, but I broke in tears I was devastated and I didn't know why. I couldn't understand how I got so raged at him to begin with, how my actions didn't speak of who I really was, and then for him to just go on natural reflex and swing how dare he. But at the same time even though I jumped back he barely nipped me my world come crashing down. From there I went in to a down word spiral. I was driving and all the sudden my heart went to racing thought I was having heart failure only to find out I was experiencing a major panick attack. They kept coming to the point It was time to seek professional help I couldn't drive 2 blks from home. My life would come to a stand still from that point. So I went to see a shrink who gave me meds but I'm stubborn refused to take till the day I spent 5 hours setting with my kids in the car on the toll road. I could not move, I was frozen and panick stricken. (thanks to the matenance dept. they followed me to the ending point of where I need to be) after that I knew I had to start taking the meds. I was told I needed to heal from my past that was pouring out in front of me after so many years. In April 2007 I come to Jesus and i've been healing wonderfully. (that is a testimony of its own for some other time) Im stronger then I have been and Im doing things again that I couldn't do when my world come tumbling down. Alls I can say if you don't deal with the pain and you run from the past it will catch up at some point. Trust in the our Lord to walk you through weeding and the hurt. I to still struggle with trust especially when men are involved.
