just some thoughts
Posted: Mon May 30, 2011 11:19 amOk, it's been quite some time since i have typed in this forum. And for that matter even participating in the site in regards to much of anything. So, i figured it was time to take that leap.....
I have been clean now for several months after relapsing ( a rather extended relapse). I guess the thing is, there are times when i still crave. Think its just the devil trying to bring back into where i know with every fiber of my being that i don't want to go there EVER again. So, when they come; I pray... and God sees me through. I used to pay lip service to one's too many and a thousand ain't even. Well, it is totally completely true. I cannot control the drugs. They control me especially if i go back down that road. So, the trick is to not go down but to go another way. I learned a few years ago, that it came from total dependence on God. But then i got lax about it all and sure enough... relapsed. I thank God that i am clean and have been now for several months and i desperately want to keep that. No, i don't go to any NA meetings. I tried one online for a few days and that was a scary place. I would like to be rid of this with no cravings and no temptations, but i don't know if that day will ever come while i am on this earth.
I was chatting with a friend and have learned that several churches in the area are now running Celebrate Recovery classes. I gotta admit it has me intriqued. I might even end up actually going to a church and staying (which for me is a big concept, based partly on my past). So, for now.... i am clean and while i think alot of things have suffered (walk with God, fellowship, finances, etc) i see it is true in that you reap what you sow....
So, back to step one and step by step appears to be what works... luv u all
I have been clean now for several months after relapsing ( a rather extended relapse). I guess the thing is, there are times when i still crave. Think its just the devil trying to bring back into where i know with every fiber of my being that i don't want to go there EVER again. So, when they come; I pray... and God sees me through. I used to pay lip service to one's too many and a thousand ain't even. Well, it is totally completely true. I cannot control the drugs. They control me especially if i go back down that road. So, the trick is to not go down but to go another way. I learned a few years ago, that it came from total dependence on God. But then i got lax about it all and sure enough... relapsed. I thank God that i am clean and have been now for several months and i desperately want to keep that. No, i don't go to any NA meetings. I tried one online for a few days and that was a scary place. I would like to be rid of this with no cravings and no temptations, but i don't know if that day will ever come while i am on this earth.
I was chatting with a friend and have learned that several churches in the area are now running Celebrate Recovery classes. I gotta admit it has me intriqued. I might even end up actually going to a church and staying (which for me is a big concept, based partly on my past). So, for now.... i am clean and while i think alot of things have suffered (walk with God, fellowship, finances, etc) i see it is true in that you reap what you sow....
So, back to step one and step by step appears to be what works... luv u all
Good to see you here!!! I have missed you. Please come chat with us. Love you and praying for you. 
BE patient and be in the company of stronger Christians; God will completely heal you. be praying for you, goldie..