the fall
Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2011 1:15 pm
i have spent a lot of time in the forums - reading confessions and testimonies of hurtin hearts and the encouraging loving uplifting guiding and enlightening responses. surely the Spirit of God is in this place.
i have completed some studies, re-reading some studies, workin on other studies.
i am learning. i am growing. i am recovering.
This is the story of how I was saved and fell away
I was saved when i was 10. Praise God for calling me. Praise God for putting the circumstances in place for that to happen in His perfect timing.
I went to VBS that summer, 1979, at the church we were attending. we had always gone to church regularly when i was little. God called me at an an altar call and i answered. i went forward. they spoke to us encouragingly and said tell your parents. my parents were Christians, praise God for this. they were not living the life of a Christian at the time, but they were saved. and later in my life they would begin to learn and grow and walk as Christians. So when i told them i got saved, they were supportive.
my dad is a very smart man. he had a very unloving childhood. he decided that he would be smart to compensate for not being loved and for being bullied. that was his defense mechanism. he was an atheist, he says, though his parents were "Christians" - i dont know to what extent they were. my dad met my mom and it was the soulmate thing. my mom was raised in a methodist home and was saved. altho, she didn't have a loving accepting family either. there is a long history of abuse of multiple types on both sides of my family. they got married and since dad wanted to understand why mom believed, he wrote his own translation of the bible from the greek. and God spoke to him thru this and he was saved. \o/
when i got saved - and i dont remember if i wanted to be baptised or if my parents said i need to get baptised, but whatever. it was in this particular denomination's doctrine that you have to be baptised in water - i went with my dad to see the pastor. the pastor gave me a tract to read and sent me away with "you hafta be sure you are saved before you are baptised so go read this and come back if you are sure". well, stuff happens and i never went back. i remember feeling dejected, disheartened, disillioned...more unworthiness heaped on a child who by this time had felt so much of this stuff, it was like oh so God is like everyone else. i'm just a stupid kid to Him too, ok. no big.'
the enemy knew. he saw me go to the altar. he heard the convo with the pastor. and he fed the flames. life got harder for me for a couple years while i tried to continue to be part of church stuff. i sang in the choir, but there seems to have been always a conflict about how i would get to and from practices and stuff. But at least I had a friend. Even tho friendship wasn't something that came easy for me and most of my peers I didn't care one way or the other about. But there was a girl. And she was a friend, but she was normal' and had other friends, we grew apart. There were other friends'. I call them surface friends. Cuz I never ever let people under the surface. That's where the little girl gets hurt. Anyways, then we moved. I was about 12.
We moved from a small town to a suburb of a relatively big city. I never knew before that we were
i have completed some studies, re-reading some studies, workin on other studies.
i am learning. i am growing. i am recovering.
This is the story of how I was saved and fell away
I was saved when i was 10. Praise God for calling me. Praise God for putting the circumstances in place for that to happen in His perfect timing.
I went to VBS that summer, 1979, at the church we were attending. we had always gone to church regularly when i was little. God called me at an an altar call and i answered. i went forward. they spoke to us encouragingly and said tell your parents. my parents were Christians, praise God for this. they were not living the life of a Christian at the time, but they were saved. and later in my life they would begin to learn and grow and walk as Christians. So when i told them i got saved, they were supportive.
my dad is a very smart man. he had a very unloving childhood. he decided that he would be smart to compensate for not being loved and for being bullied. that was his defense mechanism. he was an atheist, he says, though his parents were "Christians" - i dont know to what extent they were. my dad met my mom and it was the soulmate thing. my mom was raised in a methodist home and was saved. altho, she didn't have a loving accepting family either. there is a long history of abuse of multiple types on both sides of my family. they got married and since dad wanted to understand why mom believed, he wrote his own translation of the bible from the greek. and God spoke to him thru this and he was saved. \o/
when i got saved - and i dont remember if i wanted to be baptised or if my parents said i need to get baptised, but whatever. it was in this particular denomination's doctrine that you have to be baptised in water - i went with my dad to see the pastor. the pastor gave me a tract to read and sent me away with "you hafta be sure you are saved before you are baptised so go read this and come back if you are sure". well, stuff happens and i never went back. i remember feeling dejected, disheartened, disillioned...more unworthiness heaped on a child who by this time had felt so much of this stuff, it was like oh so God is like everyone else. i'm just a stupid kid to Him too, ok. no big.'
the enemy knew. he saw me go to the altar. he heard the convo with the pastor. and he fed the flames. life got harder for me for a couple years while i tried to continue to be part of church stuff. i sang in the choir, but there seems to have been always a conflict about how i would get to and from practices and stuff. But at least I had a friend. Even tho friendship wasn't something that came easy for me and most of my peers I didn't care one way or the other about. But there was a girl. And she was a friend, but she was normal' and had other friends, we grew apart. There were other friends'. I call them surface friends. Cuz I never ever let people under the surface. That's where the little girl gets hurt. Anyways, then we moved. I was about 12.
We moved from a small town to a suburb of a relatively big city. I never knew before that we were