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Why do we keep going back? I don't even want it anymore. I don't want any part of it. But I always go back. It's like a force that I can't fight. Please, don't anyone take this the wrong way, but God doesn't seem to be helping me out down here. I mean I know He's the one keeping me safe and preventing anything really bad from happening, for which I'm very thankful because we all know I'm not worthy of that kind of mercy. But I think maybe if I did get hurt or something really bad did happen I would stop. I mean, I would have to. Right?

I just need to stop. If I can stop then everything will be fine. Not only do I do it when I don't want to, but then I have to lie about it too. I'm living a double life here. I don't know which is worse. I don't suppose it really matters--they're both kind of equally bad. The thing that's really killing me right now is that I'm hurting other people. People who care about me. People who want only the best for me. My boyfriend says he loves me, and then I go and do this to him. Over and over again. I can't seem to stop. At least not on my own. And I don't even like it.

Why is sex such a big deal? I mean I know it was in God's perfect and holy plan and I know it's supposed to be special, but come on. There isn't anything special about it. Not anymore. Now its the same as plugging in an appliance or pushing a button on the remote. What's the big deal?

That is not to say that I'm not ashamed of what I've done. Because I am. More than you know. I just don't understand why it has to be this way. Why are shame and sex such close friends? Is that a cultural thing? Or a God thing? Or an emotional thing?

I don't really think I want a response. I just had to put this question, that will probably never be answered, out into the void.

He rev,

keep going back? Well I can only speak for myself here and say that why i found i go back to something i dont realy want is because i was searching for the root of why i kept in that cycle.

For me it was lack of feeling loved, not recognising what unconditional love was and teaching myself how to love unconditionally like our Father does. And the realization that love to God is not this wordly love that we learn here on earth that has conditions and ill love if... or i love u because... But instead i love you and honor you just because. That was the root for me... may not be the same for everyone but that is what He has taught me is my own personal root and struggle.

Seek Him,ask the Holy Spirit to bring to your mind of roots of were the problem began and He will, He will also help you to heal those wounds.

I put worth into feelings and not actions. Acting out of love is totally different than acting out of feelings.

Dont know if this is helpful to you, but thats what Hes telling me to write.

Gb
♥Jill

rev, I asked myself that same question many times...why do I keep allowing myself to get into the same situations knowing it's gonna turn out the same way...and I'm going to be full of regreat and shame...I guess what it boiled down to was that I finallly made a choice...a choice to remove myself from the situations....but that was very hard to do...especially when I was looking to feel loved....and sex was an easy way of feeling for me...but when it was over I was left feeling empty again...and I would go back for another dose because it was the only love I knew...

Then someone introduced me to Jesus...and as I opened my heart to His love...and the void I was looking to fill by sex was filled instead by Him...but it didn't happen overnight...it was a process to be released from the addiction I had allowed myself to get involved in....it took healing...but most of all it took a choice.

luv ya sis

Hi revvy Just sharing some thoughts on your question here

Why are shame and sex such close friends?

They werent always


And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;

And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh

And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.



But the disobedience of Adam and Eve brought them outside of the Will of God, and what was once pure was now corrupted by evil



For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.

And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.

And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons