Christianity Oasis Member Forum & Chat Room

OK.........um.........

Besides the masturbation that I spoke of before in this forum......

I also watch porn.............

I have also, still do sometimes, had sex with anyone who would have sex with me....................

I feel like I am spinning out of control.

How I got here, I'm not sure.

I wish I thought more of myself, that I deserve to be treated with more respect, but I don't.

I wish I was strong enough to not want any of these things in my life, but I am not.

I wish I didn't enjoy - sometimes - these things in my life, but I do.

I wish - every night - I could stay at sis' house and not go out to the bar at night and wake up in the morning somewhere else - with someone else, but I can't.

Hi mypsbox,

Skrubby is right, it takes work on our part, prayers do get answered and prayers do work, also knowing who we are in Christ and how He views us. But there is work to be done on ourselves, that we can do. It takes a whole of being patient with ourselves and loving ourselves unconditionally. Something most of us never felt was unconditionaly loved. So how can we begin to respect ourselves if we never felt that unconditional love ourselves?

The world tells us that if we act perfectly that we would be loved, however if we are not perfect, love would be withheld from us. If that were so we would never meet the worlds view of love and if we think that is how God loves us and wants us to love ourselves we would never meet up to those expectations.

I remember feeling I was not even worth receiving a cupcake at the 6th grade party. Pretty sad, isn't it. However we can all relate one way or another, because of the conditional and selfish love that we are bombarded with throughout our lives and that we sometimes give to others.

I believe why scripture doesn't tell us specifically to love ourselves is because we tend to love ourselves already. Yet, the problem is, we don't love ourselves with God's kind of love, but instead with love that can be very conditional, unforgiving, and have no mercy or grace to it the same kind of love we tend to love others with.

Respecting ourselves begins with loving ourselves, forgiving ourselves, accepting our faults, not being judgemental towards ourselves, and realising that we are worthy to be loved and we can love ourselves unconditionally.

Yes we make mistakes, we fall, we get back up, dust ourselves off.. reevaluate the situation and ask why? we ask oursleves why did i do that? why do i need to find my value in myself by "feeling " loved by a man? what am i missing? why do i keep puting myself in these situations? then when i dont find answers because i am in my mind (plagued with many years of shame and guilt) not able to come up with the right answers i shake my fist at God, and say why do u continue to let me do this to myself? dont you see the pain I am going through, DOnt you see that i need to feel loved? Dont you see that I just want to be held and feel close to somebody? And then we end up in this viscious cycle.

I dont have all the answers Im still learning myself how to respect myself and self control and forgiving myself and building my confidence in Christs love for me rather than this "wordly conditional" love.

But i think that is the starting point, by realising that we dont respect ourselves enough to love ourselves and accept ourselves unconditionaly for who we are. Then we can begin on learning to love and accept ourselves.

And building takes work, laying the bricks one by one, sweat on the brow, taking breaks and getting a plently of rest in mercy in gracy along the way so we can tackle the things that come our way when they come. Building our strength and letting the Holy Spirit be our source of strength. Building that bond with your creator, Your Daddy who loves you dearly and unconditionaly.

Do i have all the answers? nope... Do i give correct answers idk and who cares if i do or dont, i dont have to answer to man, God knows my heart... that is where grace and mercy step in and say you did the best you could at that particular time in your life and next time build up more strength in Him and He says focus on me not the whispers. Forgiving myself for my past choices and challenging myself to love myself first unconditionaly and then i can learn how to love others unconditionaly. The Father's love, How great the Father's love is!

When i begin to do that more and more the temptations to sleep with so and so because i dont feel loved fade. BUt be assured if we are not practicing unconditional love with ourselves we will fall right back in head first and when we do, forgive yourself quickly and try again.. And realise who is on your side also, He is so powerful when we are weak if we would just be still and know that He has our best interest at heart. And His name makes the enemy FLEE!

Prayers are powerful and do work, but there needs to be work on our part.

For instance you get a cut, its a nasty one too... if you dont clean out the wound and take care of the wound the bandaid isnt much help is it? It protects it from more dirt enterng the wound but what about the dirt that is already in the wound, if not taken care of properly it will get infected underneath that bandaid, and while the bandaid is on that uncared for wound there is a nasty infection brewing underneath.

Prayer cant be a bandaid, and as much as a mom's kiss (sex, porn etc) on the boo boo feels good and makes us feel better, until it is cleaned out we have risk of infection.

Gb
♥Jill

When we are brought into this world, God our father not only breathes life into our spirit, He breathes Love too. It is a reminder of the Love that abounds throughout His Heavenly world, and remains our connection to Him till He calls us back home.
As infants, we crave love and connection. It's one of our most basic needs, and we reach out to the ones closest to us, our parents, to try and get that feeling. If they are both in our lives, and can relate to us in healthy ways, we may get all the love we need. But if one is missing, we start to form a void were we fell short of what we needed.
As we grow, we can receive love from a sibling, a friend, or relative, and that can fill the void and restore it to the level we need. Or not. When we fail to receive the love and affirmation, we look around our world for comfort. A blankie, our Teddie, a thumb. These all give a feeling of comfort and peace.
In school, we may have friends, and positive reinforcements, and all is well. Or we may not have friends, and school may not be such a warm, friendly kind of place. When this is the case, we will seek some way to replace what we lack. This can make us more vulnerable to physical or emotional injury. For some of us, we collide with others in the same quest, resulting in unhealthy bonds or traumas, which can skew our comprehension of boundaries, sex, intimacy, ect..
And then along comes puberty, and we are slammed with brain chemicals, and it is soo powerful that we forget all about the void that has been growing in our subconscious mind. While those who have grown up having their needs met through 'normal' means continue to grow, those who haven't, find themselves stuck in the search for an ever increasing dose of what we now consider as 'love' or related emotions. We can seek those through any number of vices; drugs, alcohol, sex, thrill seeking,
work...
We have slowly moved from something that started out being God given, and find ourselves in a place where all we want to do is fill that need, not caring how we do it. And forgetting that we CAN get back to the point of receiving the love we soo desperately seek from the One who gave it to us from the start. We have gotten to the point where we realize that what we are doing just isn't working. We need to surrender the heavy burdens of shame and regret, and just ask our Heavenly Father to fill the void and restore our souls through His Grace.
He has what we need. We need to open up and pour our hearts out to the only One who can restore us.
Saved by Grace,
Wonder

Right before I accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as my Saviour - Feb. 1, 1990- I was told He has given to me a gift and I did not have to do anything but accept the gift.

I picture a box wrapped, beautifully, with shiny, silver paper; there is a velvet red ribbon that wraps around the paper and ties itself into a huge bow on top of the box; it is a beautiful box - a gift. I have asked myself how can one just accept a gift and not open it up, look inside and use it.

I never opened the gift, I never looked inside, I never used it. I just put it on a shelf and forgot all about it.

When my abuse issues started to become more and more dominate in my life, I turned away from God.

Is what I was told true, has He given me a gift?

Skrubby, OK I am not strong enough not to sin.......but do I have within me the Holy Spirit in order to lean on?

I have been thinking about how great He is, how it is a battle, that I must maintain a mindframe.

As far as feeling like I deserve to be respected, that one is tough. I am still having trouble with trust. I am starting to realize that my father and men who have used and abused me are different from the Heavenly Father.

JILL, respecting myself, loving myself, forgiving myself, not judging myself and realizing I am worthy of love is - as I stated above - the biggest thing I am having trouble with...............Grace and mercy step in? Do I have that? Do I ask for it?

Wonder, I have never thought about the fact that God breathed love in to us right from the beginning. I understand that I can ask Him to fill the void, but how do I surrender?

I cry, I cry alot, I have been told that that is a good thing. I cry because it releases all the sad that is inside of me but also because I am grateful that God led me to this site.

I am still trying.

mypsbox,

sis...that gift that you place on the shelf...is still sitting there. Go and find it and open the box sis...you will find healing there. Those tears you cry sis...they are just saying healing is possible. Jesus is waiting.

Surrendering to Jesus...comes by letting go of all the pain...and that's often most difficult because we feel since someone has hurt us we have the right to carry around the pain. But...in all truth sis...we don't have that right...because that pain is keeping you bound in chains. Jesus has the key to the lock on those chains sis...ask Him to use it to help you out of the chains.

There is Hope sis.

luv ya

JILL, respecting myself, loving myself, forgiving myself, not judging myself and realizing I am worthy of love is - as I stated above - the biggest thing I am having trouble with...............Grace and mercy step in? Do I have that? Do I ask for it?

My dear sister,

MERCY is God withholding the punishment we deserve because of our sinfulness. The consequences of sin is death, yet Jesus paid this penalty for us.

If it wasn't for God's mercy you would not be here. We are deserving of judgment, of destruction, punishment and condemnation.

GRACE is the unearned gifts the Father gives to His children. The Lord relates to us by His grace. Grace has provided salvation to all who come to Him, though we deserved destruction. God knew that the man He created would sin.


God's Plan also for you God made a way for us to be saved because we are sinners
THOMAS WATSON said "How many steps may a man take in the way to the kingdom of God, and yet miss it?"

Joel 2:13a So rend your heart,(inward) and not your garments (outward)
Man is more inclined to outward observance than to Inward matters

Since Adam & Eve man has been trying many different avenues to cover himself, to earn a right into Heaven.
Doing good things,joining a Church,baptism,christening,traditions,reading Holy scripture, holding to orthodox creed,keeping the sacraments,various religious rites

Sadly many are resting in false hopes.
Improper understanding of the Bible, wrong teaching of the Bible within many Congregations, and family traditions are leading many astray and they don't even realize it.

All things just mentioned are things you do
You cannot save yourself by doing good works or performing various religious rites.
Titus 3:5 "Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us."
Eph.2 8,9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

God provided a means of reconciliation for man because there was nothing that man could do to reconcile himself and become acceptable to God.


there is nothing you can do to earn your way into a right relationship with God and Heaven.
The Bible says that everyone is a sinner (Rom. 3:23) SO WHAT IS SIN
Have you ever said a lie, even a little white lie, stolen, angry, words, not obeyed, etc
Honestly could you count all the times you have done something that God labels as sin Even if it was possible that you only ever sinned once in God's eyes or standards you are still a sinner.
James 2:10 For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point, he is guilty of all.

All of us are sinners deserving of death But no person has sinned too much to be forgiven. God's law was given so you could see how sinful you are. Grace comes to us in our poor sinful condition and offers us the mercy of God when we deserve His wrath.


Jesus loved you so much He paid the penalty for all your sin past, present and future He did His part but it is up to you to accept that free gift He has given you.
It is up to you to come to Him, to tell Him that you know you are a sinner

Every human being on this earth could be saved because Jesus Christ died on the cross, took on all the sin of mankind upon Himself and provided salvation for all as the Bible says.

You could not take one step of faith unless the Spirit of God was drawing you to come to Him.

Do you believe there is a God but not trusting in Jesus
Matt 22:14 "For many are called, but few are chosen.

How often have you turned your back to the ONLY one who can rescue you from sin


John 5:40 But you are not willing to come to Me that you may have life.
none are excluded but those that exclude themselves

Eph. 2:8,9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.
Doing good things or good works, none of these can secure your salvation.
Baptism , Christening, Church membership, sacraments, traditions of man
Salvation is a precious and free gift from God. It is not earned, but given by grace of God.

God's mercy and grace offers forgiveness for sinful people like you and me.
Do you find it easy to forgive a little, but harder to forgive much.
If that is true of God's mercy, then we are in serious trouble, but His mercy and grace are wide
God's mercy knows no bounds and no limits. There is none who is beyond His saving power.
Our sin is great. But God's mercy is greater. Our sin is enormous, yet God's mercy is boundless.
There is no one beyond God's mercy and grace. It is available to all who call on Him

It is said that the door to Heaven is not shut from above but from below

Hey mypsbox,

Here's something that you can try; sit back, and get comfortable...now close your eyes, and try picturing yourself, with your burdens in a cloth sack, being held above you, and being placed into the outstretched hands of Almighty God, surrounded by brilliant light, and with the smile of Grace and love, He accepts them from you... It may take a few times, or not, but it worked for me.
GBU,
Wonder

Thanks mig, hopefully the box isn't rusted shut - it's been a long time . Sometimes I think that the only thing I have been given - by those who have abused me - is the pain. And sometimes I think that is the only thing left I have from them - the pain. And since sometimes I think that is all that I have then I do not want to give that up. I now realize that those are chains, but it is still hard. I am working on that though.

JILL, thank you so very much!! I now understand Grace and Mercy. I never really understood before. Sometimes I have trouble understanding scripture, but you have the gift of quoting so one understands. I will study and ponder those scriptures a lot more. Even though there was abuse growing up, there was faith and bible based Christian teaching. Sort of ironic huh? Anyway, I agree about false hopes. When I became an adult, I belonged to a faith and bible based Church that knew it is not the good works that you do. However, because of my abuse, I did not try to understand - at that time - what grace and mercy had to do with it.
Now I do.

Lani, your support is all that is needed thank you.

Wonder, I will try that thank you.

I am still trying

And trying is all that is asked...sis...that box isn't too rusted...in fact I bet it's still so alive that it doesn't even have one rust spot on it. Waiting to be opened...just like the day you received HIM.

Yes it's hard sis...but it's possible...don't give up. Working through all of this sis...is helping you to heal. Jesus wants to finish what He has started within you. Let those chains be broken...time to fly my sister.

luv ya