Enter scream here
Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 4:13 am
I messed up. Again. I had been doing really well. Almost made it two whole weeks. And then boom! It snuck up on me. I don't even know how it happened. Well, that isn't true. I know exactly how it happened because I was there. I wish I could say that I didn't see it coming. But that isn't true either. I knew what he wanted the minute he called. And of course I gave it to him, because to say no is like detrimental to my health. At least in my head it is. I don't know how to fix this. Part of me even wonders if I want to fix this. And for that I'll spend the next 9.7 days hating myself and wondering if me devotion is true. I think the part afterward hurts even more than what he does to me. You want to know the really messed up part? I can't even cry about it anymore.