"About time you wrote something"
Posted: Fri Dec 04, 2009 8:46 pm
Those were the words I "heard" surfing the forums early morning 3 days ago , early as in 3:30-4:00 AM , having to "get up" @ 5:30 .
My first , immediate reaction was of course to look away from the monitor to find the "source" , (maybe someone came in the room without me noticing [hoping] ) , nope , "ok , you're too tired" .
By noon Tue . was convinced I heard it , just because of the fact that all 3 of my caseloads here at my "new" job (same job diff institute) asked me if I were to write down to them what we had discussed , my explanations and suggestions .
After lunch , I was on my knees , "OK Pops , what's up ?" By mid-afternoon I felt being drained (mentally - emotionally) . Yes , I started to get scared ! By the time I got to my computer I was literally shaking .
Ok , write what ? What's left to write ? I mean after all , I did write a letter to my daughter wishing her happy holidays and B-day , a friend earlier had expressed their concerns of my non-participation here @ the Oasis and I did respond , what now ?
Looking at the notes I had taken while in session with my caseloads , all three were laid at such a position , like playing cards fan , and in all , in the visible margin I see my notation saying "the nature of our disease" ! Bingo ! . Close the door , back on my knees , "Thank you , now what ! "
Three days later , I am on my computer and I still haven't a clue where to start , (isn't it obvious ? look how long it took me just to get to this point , Hah ! )
You know , whenever someone asks for help , especially when it comes to recovery , the immediate response is usually " give them the solution " , this is what you need to do , if you do this or if you do that ..... we talk to the new guy , who is still shaking and baking from the standpoint of the length of recovery time we have acquired - 1yr , 5yr , 10 ..... - and this guy in front of us is going but..but..but , my girlfriend , wife , job , neighbor , car , and we automatically go into well do with your girlfriend this , your wife that , and your job otherwise ...
Earlier this morning , I paged the same three guys to my office , and to each one I asked why did you want me to write down our session , and all three's response was the same , almost to a tee , you didn't give a hoot about my problems you seemed to stick to the cause of the problem rather than the problem itself . And I went "I did ?"
My dear alkies and dope fiends , our "problems" are NOT our wives , friends , neighbors and them , or even ourselves for that matter , we are NOT our disease , nor does the "enemy" have anything to do with it , addiction is NOT a SIN .
What we suffer from is a spiritual malady , what that means is that we hunger for the Spirit , we thirst for the Spirit , we are spiritually malnourished ! Out of which all sorts of false emotions stem from , fear , anger , sadness , mental disillusion , the list goes on ad infinitum ...
We straighten out spiritually FIRST , and then and only then is when we straighten out mentally and physically , ie; -"them"- !
We need to explain that to our brothers and sisters who are willing to help out with the addiction aspect of our spiritual failures , we need to educate them about that , so the may be better equipped and be more effective in their quest to carry the Word to the still confused .
Here ! I wrote it !
My first , immediate reaction was of course to look away from the monitor to find the "source" , (maybe someone came in the room without me noticing [hoping] ) , nope , "ok , you're too tired" .
By noon Tue . was convinced I heard it , just because of the fact that all 3 of my caseloads here at my "new" job (same job diff institute) asked me if I were to write down to them what we had discussed , my explanations and suggestions .
After lunch , I was on my knees , "OK Pops , what's up ?" By mid-afternoon I felt being drained (mentally - emotionally) . Yes , I started to get scared ! By the time I got to my computer I was literally shaking .
Ok , write what ? What's left to write ? I mean after all , I did write a letter to my daughter wishing her happy holidays and B-day , a friend earlier had expressed their concerns of my non-participation here @ the Oasis and I did respond , what now ?
Looking at the notes I had taken while in session with my caseloads , all three were laid at such a position , like playing cards fan , and in all , in the visible margin I see my notation saying "the nature of our disease" ! Bingo ! . Close the door , back on my knees , "Thank you , now what ! "
Three days later , I am on my computer and I still haven't a clue where to start , (isn't it obvious ? look how long it took me just to get to this point , Hah ! )
You know , whenever someone asks for help , especially when it comes to recovery , the immediate response is usually " give them the solution " , this is what you need to do , if you do this or if you do that ..... we talk to the new guy , who is still shaking and baking from the standpoint of the length of recovery time we have acquired - 1yr , 5yr , 10 ..... - and this guy in front of us is going but..but..but , my girlfriend , wife , job , neighbor , car , and we automatically go into well do with your girlfriend this , your wife that , and your job otherwise ...
Earlier this morning , I paged the same three guys to my office , and to each one I asked why did you want me to write down our session , and all three's response was the same , almost to a tee , you didn't give a hoot about my problems you seemed to stick to the cause of the problem rather than the problem itself . And I went "I did ?"
My dear alkies and dope fiends , our "problems" are NOT our wives , friends , neighbors and them , or even ourselves for that matter , we are NOT our disease , nor does the "enemy" have anything to do with it , addiction is NOT a SIN .
What we suffer from is a spiritual malady , what that means is that we hunger for the Spirit , we thirst for the Spirit , we are spiritually malnourished ! Out of which all sorts of false emotions stem from , fear , anger , sadness , mental disillusion , the list goes on ad infinitum ...
We straighten out spiritually FIRST , and then and only then is when we straighten out mentally and physically , ie; -"them"- !
We need to explain that to our brothers and sisters who are willing to help out with the addiction aspect of our spiritual failures , we need to educate them about that , so the may be better equipped and be more effective in their quest to carry the Word to the still confused .
Here ! I wrote it !