Walking Through Mind Fields
Posted: Wed Jul 29, 2009 4:12 pm
Growing up as an abused child I learned to read my dad.
Every moment watching him to catch a glimpse of the body language that read, "Time to duck and cover."
I rarely turned my back to him. The few times I had to, I cowarded in fear wondering if at any moment he would blow and slam me into the wall, grab me by the neck, or my hair. Would he threaten me with a sharp object or throw me to the floor.
If you lived with an abuser you know the signs that your abuser is going to blow. When their temper starts to flair. The shape of their eye brows change. Fists tighten. Hands go up in the air. They may grab onto an object tightly (you know it might be thrown soon). Any of these signs make you tense up, heart starts racing, adrenaline starts pumping, eyes widen so to not miss the cue, and you look for safety. Ready to run. Ready to duck and cover. Could you sense when you walked into the room he is in one of those moods so you'd turn and leave hoping he wouldn't stop you to question why you left the room so quickly. Which was all it would take to set him off in his rage.
You are walking through a mine field or a mind field. Eyes peeled for any signs a bomb may go off at any moment. 24/7 The only relief was when he wasn't home. Ears trained to pick up the sound of his car tires on the drive way. So to assume a safe position. To hide anything that might offend him. To get the house picked up in perfect order. Taking those last moments to figure out what should you be doing to please him. Though no matter what you did he was never pleased. Anything you were doing was not what he wanted you to be doing.
When one leaves the abusive home, we've been trained to watch for mines. Though we walk in fields of safety we are still looking for mines.
Are you sensitive to anger. Do you take any form of anger, frustration, disappointment as a potential bomb. Is it no wonder we over react to a persons anger, frustration, or disappointment? We're still watching for mines in the field.
Are you close to a person who's lived through abuse. You may see they think you are angry when you don't feel angry. They are super sensitve to anger and frustration. Is it no wonder why? Remember to be patient and understanding as they have been programmed this way. Sometimes they may have relied on cues of anger as life and death. One moment their abuser loving, gentle, and being the dad/husband/mom/wife that they should be, the next second throwing things, hitting, grabbing hair, choking, or threatening with knives, guns, or what ever they could grab quickly to harm them. It was a war they lived through. A war between satan and them, the abuser was the tool used to try to distroy them.
Being connected to the Lord through constant communication and trusting in his guidance as we walk these mind fields that are now found only in our mind is key. Wow is that hard to do. Especially when you are in the midst of seeing signs that maybe things will get a bit uncomfortable. The triggers that say duck and cover are starting to go off.
What have you done or what do you do when you are walking in a safe field and people you know won't hurt you start to get upset over something, the triggers start going off, watch for danger, though you know there is no danger. Am I alone in my thinking or have you been there? Are you there now?
Every moment watching him to catch a glimpse of the body language that read, "Time to duck and cover."
I rarely turned my back to him. The few times I had to, I cowarded in fear wondering if at any moment he would blow and slam me into the wall, grab me by the neck, or my hair. Would he threaten me with a sharp object or throw me to the floor.
If you lived with an abuser you know the signs that your abuser is going to blow. When their temper starts to flair. The shape of their eye brows change. Fists tighten. Hands go up in the air. They may grab onto an object tightly (you know it might be thrown soon). Any of these signs make you tense up, heart starts racing, adrenaline starts pumping, eyes widen so to not miss the cue, and you look for safety. Ready to run. Ready to duck and cover. Could you sense when you walked into the room he is in one of those moods so you'd turn and leave hoping he wouldn't stop you to question why you left the room so quickly. Which was all it would take to set him off in his rage.
You are walking through a mine field or a mind field. Eyes peeled for any signs a bomb may go off at any moment. 24/7 The only relief was when he wasn't home. Ears trained to pick up the sound of his car tires on the drive way. So to assume a safe position. To hide anything that might offend him. To get the house picked up in perfect order. Taking those last moments to figure out what should you be doing to please him. Though no matter what you did he was never pleased. Anything you were doing was not what he wanted you to be doing.
When one leaves the abusive home, we've been trained to watch for mines. Though we walk in fields of safety we are still looking for mines.
Are you sensitive to anger. Do you take any form of anger, frustration, disappointment as a potential bomb. Is it no wonder we over react to a persons anger, frustration, or disappointment? We're still watching for mines in the field.
Are you close to a person who's lived through abuse. You may see they think you are angry when you don't feel angry. They are super sensitve to anger and frustration. Is it no wonder why? Remember to be patient and understanding as they have been programmed this way. Sometimes they may have relied on cues of anger as life and death. One moment their abuser loving, gentle, and being the dad/husband/mom/wife that they should be, the next second throwing things, hitting, grabbing hair, choking, or threatening with knives, guns, or what ever they could grab quickly to harm them. It was a war they lived through. A war between satan and them, the abuser was the tool used to try to distroy them.
Being connected to the Lord through constant communication and trusting in his guidance as we walk these mind fields that are now found only in our mind is key. Wow is that hard to do. Especially when you are in the midst of seeing signs that maybe things will get a bit uncomfortable. The triggers that say duck and cover are starting to go off.
What have you done or what do you do when you are walking in a safe field and people you know won't hurt you start to get upset over something, the triggers start going off, watch for danger, though you know there is no danger. Am I alone in my thinking or have you been there? Are you there now?