OH DEAR GOLDIE !!!!
it is certainly an interesting addiction isn't it. i started smoking when i was 12 years old ... i'm 44 (45 in january); i wish i could say that i'm in bad physical health ... i am not, i'm very physically fit (i do carry extra weight) but i do workout everyday, weight train, power walk, and ride a recumbant cycle ... what i mean by fit ... is that i've got very good lung capacity and an excellently strong heart, and i eat very well. as far as the cost goes ... i wasn't really a 'heavy' smoker ... 2-3 packs a week, so it wasn't as expensive as my hubby's was 1-2 packs a day!!
i didn't believe that it was 'sin' perse ... like drugs or alcohol, my logic was simple ... the more drugs you smoke and the alcohol you drink, the less your faculties work ... well, smoking wasn't like that ... ergo --> not the same as being "drunk with wine"
i'm not debating the whole 'sin' issue ... or not; just stating my frame of mind with my addition. and those of us who ARE addicted ... know, how so very personal, addictions are.
in short, i believed that if the Lord wanted me to quit, then He would deliver me, just like He delivered me from ....(something else, i don't wish to go into here) ... i didn't want to 'fight' the addiction EVERYDAY for the rest of my life.
i had tried to quit lots and lots and lots of times and it never worked. what it ended up being, now that i can look back after the fact and see; was, ...let me see how long i can go for, without a cigg... and self-deceptively calling/believing it quitting.
okkaayy... here comes the freedom part ! i'm reading the most amazing book called LIES WOMEN BELIEVE and the truth that sets them free
in the first chapter, the Lord blindsides me ...
... don't you just love it when He does that. this author's premise is that all addictions are bondage and they can ALL be linked back to a lie that the user is believing. ... i thought ... BUNK !! i don't believe it !!
she states that there is a natural process that happens with humans:
1. listen to a lie
2. dwell on the lie
3. believe the lie
4. act on the lie
equals BONDAGE/ADDICTION
again, i thought BUNK ... so in my prayer time with God ... i asked him ... "ok, Lord, everyone says that smoking is bondage ... and i don't believe it ... if what she's saying is true, please show me .....
AND HE DID ... it was very simple, and very straightforward.
1.
listen to a lie: i was 5 years old!!! "if you smoke like your mom, your dad will love you like he loves her" (i don't think i need to tell you who the quotes are from)
2.
dwell on the lie: i watched, with the intent of smoking when i grew up, (yup from 5 years old until 12) my mom smoke and dwelled on how my dad looked at her, while she was smoking... all the while building the yerning for that look in my heart, over those 7 years.
3.
believe the lie: as i watched him ... watch her ... i could see that the lie was actually true .... i started to link the love in his eyes for her ... as linked to the cigg. i believed that when i was old enough to smoke ... he would love me the same way he loved her.
4.
act on the lie: when i turned 12 .... i started to smoke .... but by this time, i didn't even realize that i was fulfilling a covenant that i had made with myself.
****
i woke up a thursday morning @ 3:00 am, a smoker ... by 7:00 am i was a non-smoker --- not ..."i had quit smoking" BUT .... a NON-SMOKER!!
i allowed the Lord to show me why i smoked, and how He could prove to me that it was infact a lie.
first, He showed my why i smoked, because i wanted my dad to love me, i wanted his affection. second, He showed me it wasn't the ciggs that he loved about my mom ... it was HER. the Lord asked me where my dad was right now (we are not longer in relationship because my mom doesn't want anything to do with me anymore ... so therefore my dad cannot talk to me anymore) .... to answer the Lord's question ... smoking didn't make a difference .... he's still ... gone.
at this point i was still slightly confused ... i thought i had figured out the lie ... but God said, your still missing it. i mulled over what He had just shown me --->... it's...not...the...ciggs...its...her...
i started to cry, and folded into a fetal position ... i believed i must be unlovable
without the ciggs.
and He said to me .... that's the lie robyn, ... I LOVE YOU .... but, God, how do i know?
and then my heavenly Father started to sing a song
THROUGH me ... He showed me how to claim the truth that i know ... the more He sang through me, the harder i cried; the harder i cried, the free-er i became and this cycle lasted throughout the WHOLE song ....
Jesus loves me this i know
for the Bible tells me so
little one ... , to Him belong
i am weak, but He is strong.
yes, Jesus loves me,
yes, Jesus loves me,
yes, Jesus loves me.....
the ... Bible ... tells ... me ... so.
it was one of the most beautifully freeing experiences i've ever had with God.