Found some time to write down my thoughts.
Woke this morning to a calling to take my unnamed crosses into the woods, to a place I go when I need no distractions. A special place where God always meets me.
The trees grabbed my hair and scratched my face which triggered memories of me running from him when I was a child. I could see and hear things so clearly. It was Gods will as it prepared me for being open to work on the memories.
God took me and the 3 crosses. BTW I was only bringing 2 but he told me to take 3 so I grabbed a third one. I asked him to bring back the memories. I was willing to sit and watch. They were always there, I just wouldn't allow them to be true.
Cross #9: Titled: Daddy
No one got hurt that day. My sister ran home and told my dad who was in the woods and were so he came and stopped anything from happening. He sent me home, one man followed. I can't get his face out of my head. Dad went after that man and uncle went after dad. He was torn between protecting me or fighting. He yelled at me to stop. I stopped. As dad argued with my uncle we slowly made our way away from them. No one was hurt. Yet the memory of what nearly was is haunting and it was my fault. How many times I was told not to go into the woods and I never listened.
Cross #10 Titled: Truth
I'm not sharing what happened with this one. To yucky. Just bury it.
Cross #3 had no title only a place. It is now called "Down To The River To Pray" because this is the song that always come to mind when I think of it. The events harmed not only myself, but my mom and a sister. It is my belief that my mom holds a lot of guilt for this event. I don't understand why this song to this place and events. Perhaps it has to do with what is to come. My mother and sister will join me when I revisit this place. Gods will be done. I've started sanding these three now that they have their name. Doing more work on burning the names into the others. Feeling defeated. But I know it's just the process and soon these memories will find their place settled into the past with the rest, where I can say Look what the Lord has done instead of looking at what man has done. I have a certain amount of peace with all the other memories. I started to pick up my 3 little crosses and I heard, one more thing. I sat them down and said ok Lord. He said, I LOVE YOU! Tears flowed. And have flowed all day when I've had the time and space to go back to what the Lord has done today.
As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good ol' way
And who shall wear the starry crown?
Good Lord show me the way!
O sisters let's go down
Let's go down, come on down
O sisters let's go down
Down in the river to pray
As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good ol' way
And who shall wear the robe & crown?
Good Lord show me the way
O brothers let's go down
Let's go down, come on down
Come on brothers, let's go down
Down in the river to pray
As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good ol' way
And who shall wear the starry crown?
Good Lord show me the way
O fathers let's go down
Let's go down, come on down
O fathers let's go down
Down in the river to pray
As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good ol' way
And who shall wear the robe and crown?
Good Lord show me the way
O mothers let's go down
Come on down, don't you wanna go down?
Come on mothers, let's go down
Down in the river to pray
As I went down in the river to pray
Studding about that good ol' way
And who shall wear the starry crown?
Good Lord show me the way
O sinners, let's go down
Let's go down, come on down
O sinners, let's go down
Down in the river to pray
As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good ol' way
And who shall wear the robe and crown?
Good Lord show me the way