Christianity Oasis Forum

by **foreverHis** » Mon Sep 15, 2008 5:21 am

Abuse is not just defined as physical, it can also be psychological, emotional or verbal.

The Progression Of Violence
Phase I: The Tension Building Stage

The woman tries to calm the man by becoming nurturing, compliant, either anticipating his every whim or staying out of his way. She accepts his abusiveness as legitimately directed towards her. She believes she can prevent his anger from escalating. She becomes his accomplice by accepting some of the responsibility for his abusive behavior by not permitting herself to get angry with the batterer, using her psychological defense of denying her own anger and minimizing the isolated violent incidents.

by **foreverHis** » Tue Sep 16, 2008 2:24 am

Phase II: The Acute Battering Stage

This stage is characterized by controllable discharge of tensions. The batterer generally justifies his behavior, usually by putting the blame on her for his actions. If she resists he will become more violent. She doesn't feel the pain as much as she feels psychologically trapped and unable to flee. She often minimizes her injuries. At times she will blame herself for the incident, thinking if she hadn't said "this" or done "that" to upset him, this would not have happened.

by **foreverHis** » Wed Sep 17, 2008 12:34 am

Phase III: Kindness And Loving Behavior

This stage is characterized by an unusual calm. This is also known as the "Honeymoon Phase".

He tries to make it up to her by behaving in a charming and loving manner. He is sorry and begs her forgiveness.

He promises never to do it again. He pleads to get her back telling her he can control his anger from now on.

She believes he can change.

She then gets the glimpse of the man she fell in love with.
She will do anything to patch things up and he reminds her that he needs her or may threaten suicide if she does not come back.

This is where the bonding takes hold. She is not getting all the rewards of being married and is basically bought off as an accomplice to her battering which adds to her shame, self-hatred and embarrassment.

These 3 phases will repeat
themselves, turning into a
viscous cycle.

**Please get out!

**Don't let fear, shame or pride stop
you from asking for help.
**There is help out there

by **foreverHis** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 2:13 am

yes my dear..that is hard when the memories come back..but run into Jesus...read His word..and tell us and we can pray for healing..i will be praying for that..because you don't need to live with that torment...Jesus gives us life..in exchange for all this my dear...he has much more for you..and the first thing is..freedom from all pain...
Keep on keeping on..your day of break thru is coming... *hug*

by **flutemusic67** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 12:23 pm

Hi, Foreverbelongs. It's ok to start remembering stuff. But when the stuff starts controlling you and your emotions, it's a problem.

Yesterday in chat, we were talking about bad thoughts and hearing the wrong voices. I said when that happens, I scream louder to the Lord to block it out. He has been so wonderful in helping me overcome those things.

When those thoughts come up, there are a few things you can do to take your mind off of them. Listen to Christian music, read the bible, pray, watch a Christian movie, come into chat here at Oasis, or talk to a friend.

Here is a link to a study which will help you:
www.christianityoasis.com/keyword/SeedsAndWeeds.htm

God bless and protect you, sis.

*hug*

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