Christianity Oasis Forum

[goldieluvs]

Well, my ex came to visit the other night. He was the one who introduced me to crack (not blaming him cuz i certainly had a choice and still do). I had let him move back in about a year ago cuz he said he was clean but he had lied. Well, within three months i told him he had to go. At any rate he came to visit. Talked about how he was clean now. Asked forgiveness for how badly he had treated me; which needless to say I forgave him. God was a subject that was always taboo with him. Well, he started talking about God and how he was going to church now but has a hard time sitting thru whole sermon cuz he gets too emotional. I asked him about his favorite Bible character and we actually talked some about God. He says he likes hearing about what a piece of crap (not the exact words he used, cleaned up version for here) but that Jesus died for him anyways and these are the things he needs to do to live better and for God. He says he is clean and that he is living with people who r using and he is sick of it and trying to avoid it and was talking about going to the mens shelter to stay for awhile. He didnt ask me if he could come back. I told him he could come back under certain conditions. Biggest is no drugs, other stuff like helping with grass cutting and showing that he wants the simple life he said he did; helping with the bills and stuff like that. I am hoping I made the right decision.Since begging God, He has blessed me so much. I feel like I should try to help my ex. But if he is not clean then he will have to leave. And I made that very clear to him. Told him no disappearing for days etc. I am hoping I made the right decision. I know my family will be upset about it becuz they see him as a user. And I know he has used me in the past. I also know he lies alot or at least has in the past. And while I realize that he might be talking about God just to get back in, if hes using still he wont be here long. But I also feel stronger in that I will not put up with that behavior as my staying away from crack is too valuable. God pulled me out. God keeps me clean. It is not an everyday struggle for me. I think about it sometimes and it is usually connected to remembering the bad stuff about it, I dont crave it anymore; praise the Lord on that one. Ok well thats my situation. I welcome any feedback anyone might have on this subject. Thanks for listening.... Goldie

[realtmg]

goldie,
Let me share a passage that is read out of the A. A. book at the start of every meeting world wide.

Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

This was a very hard stepping stone for me. I didn't know how to be completely honest. After years of analyzing this simple program; I learned that honesty was the key to staying clean.
I was one of the best manipulators and cons around. I knew how to get what I wanted.
There are many here in the same situation as you are. so, don't feel that you are alone. I do know that al-anon has a program who deals with members of the family who suffer from addiction. They state that tough love is a must in order to keep the addicted person from manipulating them.
I do know that unceasing prayer will bring results. There is hope.
I also know that few make it that do not work a program and surrender to God and His will. Only God can relieve us of our addictions.
You may want to suggest to him that he try going to 12- step meetings of some kind. He probably will balk and say he can do this on his own. This is what everyone says. But, if he "really wants" to get clean and stay clean; he will do what is suggested from others. I mean. my way didn't work so I finally surrendered to going to any length to stay clean. I thought I was smarter than the average bear.
Check out some al-anon sites online as well as local meetings. You will find there are so many people going through the same thing as you are and will help you how to deal with this.
And I would personally ask you to come back here and post occasionally to let others see what is happening. There are so many that will not come forth and openly admit that they are having this problems.
Also read the post "Silent Addictions" in this forum.
I have to get ready for Church now and I'm glad you posted. We can't get help unless we humble and reach out for help.
Keep us posted sis and thanks for sharing.

Luv Ya,

Real

[goldieluvs]

Ty so much for ur response. I am taking ur suggestion to heart and going to check out some websites that might help. I dunno if its crazy to let him have another chance, I am praying that he is truly on the road to recovery. I also read dittos silent addiction post and everyones response which helped as well.. God bless u. I didnt know ur mom comes online too. I hope i have met her. There are so many wonderful people here and i know in my heart God led me here. Thanks for ur help. God bless u.. Goldie

[goldieluvs]

Ty so much.. it is tough.. i pray alot and most days I am able to show a hint of God to him and overall he is doing better I think. He is supposed to drug test for a job tomorrow. Finances are very tight, keeping him supplied in food too, but I cant let him starve. I know in my heart he deserves food he does do stuff around here to help. Today has been a bad day for both of us. I called him to tell him there was .26 left in checking. And he was like wonderful thing to wake up to. Usually he does the dishes but he dint last night or today, but said he would do them tonight. I told him God will provide. It gets overwhelming at times,,, will be praying for u and ur family as well.. GBU and thanks for responding.. Goldie

[Show Forth the Praises]

So you're giving the EX:

Food, shelter, emotional support, etc. etc. etc.

So far, so good-----for him. Poor pitiful helpless little boy can't even be bothered to do a sinkful of dishes.

I think you're being used (again). And this is only the beginning.

Some women feel they deserve no better.

And I think you do, Sue.

PAMELA

[goldieluvs]

Well, Pam bless ur heart. He did get up and do the dishes and other stuff this evening. He is going after a fuss to go for his drug test for work. I am not saying whether I am right or wrong. I pray he means it this time and gets his life together. If not, I have kicked him out before and will kick him out again. Although I understand your feelings and perceptions that I am being used, well that is a good possibility but Jesus also commands us.. whatever u do to the least of these, u do for Me. I have no hope to reconcile and have a real relationship with him, but if I can help and believe me, he hears alot about God from me, and he is able to pick up and begin life again,, well,,, all i can say is Praise God... and if not, well, he wont be here..My boundaries are firm, I appreciate your honesty and I I wish u much abiding peace sis,, Goldie