Day 4 of MCFC Two by Two
Posted: Fri Feb 15, 2008 1:16 pmI did this study yesterday, but because of emotional troubles, I didn't get to post about it. Negative thoughts invaded my mind and had me upset for a long while. Sometimes I can stop them with no problem, but other times, like last night, I feel weak and powerless.
Anyway, about peer pressure. I can't remember ever having dealt with peer pressure in school, but I did after I graduated. I posted about that in my first MCFC Step 4 blog. But looking at peer pressure from family, I did deal with and fall into that. Since it came from my mom, I felt I had no choice. I felt forced to believe about myself what she believed (or seemed to) about me--that I was ugly, stupid, wouldn't amount to anything, etc. If my opinion of something differed from hers, she would be angry with me.
Regarding relationships. Although I wouldn't mind being in a relationship, if it were with a Godly guy, I know that I'm definitely not ready for one. A friend told me a while back about some people not being called to marry. I know she was trying to get me to feel better, and it did help some. Sometimes, though, I do get lonely, ans wish I had someone to just hold me.
The part about faith reminded me of the time my brother got angry with me, saying i didn't have any faith. It was right after my sight went bad. On Saturday nights, people from local churches would be on tv, singing, talking, and praying for people. He would call every group of people, every Saturday night, to ask them to pray for me, then call me to see if my sight was better. When I'd say no, he'd be angry, saying I didn't have faith that God would restore my sight. I finally told him that I had accepted it, because for all I knew, God had a plan for me. He was still angry about that for a long time. (I can't help feeling that at least part of the plan was to get me to start seeing people with my heart instead of with my eyes.)
Can't wait for today's study!
Anyway, about peer pressure. I can't remember ever having dealt with peer pressure in school, but I did after I graduated. I posted about that in my first MCFC Step 4 blog. But looking at peer pressure from family, I did deal with and fall into that. Since it came from my mom, I felt I had no choice. I felt forced to believe about myself what she believed (or seemed to) about me--that I was ugly, stupid, wouldn't amount to anything, etc. If my opinion of something differed from hers, she would be angry with me.
Regarding relationships. Although I wouldn't mind being in a relationship, if it were with a Godly guy, I know that I'm definitely not ready for one. A friend told me a while back about some people not being called to marry. I know she was trying to get me to feel better, and it did help some. Sometimes, though, I do get lonely, ans wish I had someone to just hold me.
The part about faith reminded me of the time my brother got angry with me, saying i didn't have any faith. It was right after my sight went bad. On Saturday nights, people from local churches would be on tv, singing, talking, and praying for people. He would call every group of people, every Saturday night, to ask them to pray for me, then call me to see if my sight was better. When I'd say no, he'd be angry, saying I didn't have faith that God would restore my sight. I finally told him that I had accepted it, because for all I knew, God had a plan for me. He was still angry about that for a long time. (I can't help feeling that at least part of the plan was to get me to start seeing people with my heart instead of with my eyes.)
Can't wait for today's study!
