A Call within a Call
Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 1:11 pmI had been "planning" or rather wanting to right something about this topic but . . . something or other . . . (basically didn't even know what was prompting me to do so or why ok ? )
Well , it finally "came" to me , in the form of Skrubby's Dec 16th post . That's when the "light bulb" came on , as it has been ever since day one of my "arrival" or "landing" here at the Oasis , almost on a daily basis . Maybe I should've used "Awakening within Awakening" for a title instead , but , isn't that the very reason why we all come here for ? Iron sharpens iron !
That post covered so many issues (at least to me) that I kept reading it over and over again , for , one reason or other I "knew" there was "something" there , I actually copied it and put it on a separate page .
But it did bring up something that made me realize the depth of our "conscience" could be . (Talk about Spirit working through others huh ?)
Well , whenever someone tells me "I'm saved" , my immediate reaction is , or at least used to be , "From what ? " , and the reaction to that varies from person to person , of course , not as much as in the answer form , but rather asking such question , some get angry , some simply walk away , and some look at me with a "don't you know ? " look on their faces . And you know what ? These are the people I zero in on , the ones with the quizzical look . And you know what else ? (and sometimes I think it being rude or insensitive ) , After ingaging them into conversation for a certain length of time , I had made it a habit of (in part , "discernment" training) I ask the same question again , and almost always their answer is a totally different from the first time they answered , and the ones that keep repeating the same one are the ones that end up on the bottom of my file stack . Some people , (in fact the other [secular] counselors here) consider that "inconsistent" , and they treat them in an opposite way , and they focus on that ONE issue for the rest of that resident's stay here , (no wonder they keep coming back here [relapse]) .
Though it is true , "Once you're saved , you are saved" to a certain extent , but without knowing from what is when a lot of souls find themselves always questioning whether they are or not . Isn't that the reason of being "lost' ? Yes it is also true that we are all born sinners , and some of us have been privileged to be brought up in "church" from the word go , but what about the rest ?
See , God is Infinite , what that means to me is that , whenever I tell myself , "this is what He saved me from , or , that is what He wants me to do , and this is His purpose of saving me .... " you get the picture , am I not limiting God ? Let alone myself ?
"At first there was Darkness , and God said 'Let there be Light' and there was Light " and what did our Lord Christ say , "I Am the Light " ! And man have been trying to put some numbers on the speed of it , Hah !
Here's my story , (the story within the story) .
When my Lord finally reached me , I was in an alley , He put Himself in my later to be sponsor , who in turn led me back to Himself . What was my first "saving" ? of course it was drugs/alcohol , and I rode on that whim for a while , I , was "lost" for alcohol ! later , it was guilt , remorse , and the list went on and on , and that is when I finally said to myself , "You know ? You don't have a clue do you ? "
When I first "met" my sponsor , he was just another drunk to me , as I got to know him more he "became" someone else (hmm) get the pic ? I wonder who it was that was doing the "changing" ?
Gaining custody of my daughter prompted me to buy a house for her to grow up in away from the "city-life" (my past) , later , the house next to me went up for sale and when the new people moved in I did some nosing around , usually I don't care , but now I had my daughter . Even though our house sat on 7 acres and their house was yet another 10 acres away , but in the process of finding out about them , it turned out to be that my neighbor had just gotten released from prison , and the charges ? Child molestation !
I don't recall taking another breath , I was knocking on his door "introducing" myself and my new 9mm S&W saying something like " Hey I just bought this and never used it yet and I really don't know what the affective range for it is , but however , if I see your shadow past your boundary , I'd shoot it first ! "
After explaining everything to the sherrif's deputy , in his "office" , I called my sponsor , that's when I found out about my sponsor being a sexual counselor . Two days later , at an AA meeting , this very neighbor was in attendance , of course by now I'm fuming ! , but , after the meeting he walks up to me and says , I'm looking for a sponsor , and Gary referred me to you , uh huh , and why is that ? Conflict of interest . I'm going what ? he says yes , when we appear in court for your threat case Gary is my rep . So now Gary "becomes" a lawyer !
Three weeks later , working the steps with this "individual" I came to see that he knew more and in fact helped me to see more of our Lord than I "thought" I knew all there was to know about Him !
Today , 10 years later , when I found myself just as homeless as the ones I counsel , I still sponsor him , and his office is directly across the hall from mine .
We will NEVER know who we are by trying to find out about ourselves by ourselves ! We will only accomplish that when God tells us who we are , and the way He does that is through WHOEVER He chooses to put us in the proper place of His Scheme of Things , not ours , we may want to Presidents or soup kitchen volunteers , but to Him it matters not what we want , It's what He wants is what matters .
Well , it finally "came" to me , in the form of Skrubby's Dec 16th post . That's when the "light bulb" came on , as it has been ever since day one of my "arrival" or "landing" here at the Oasis , almost on a daily basis . Maybe I should've used "Awakening within Awakening" for a title instead , but , isn't that the very reason why we all come here for ? Iron sharpens iron !
That post covered so many issues (at least to me) that I kept reading it over and over again , for , one reason or other I "knew" there was "something" there , I actually copied it and put it on a separate page .
But it did bring up something that made me realize the depth of our "conscience" could be . (Talk about Spirit working through others huh ?)
Well , whenever someone tells me "I'm saved" , my immediate reaction is , or at least used to be , "From what ? " , and the reaction to that varies from person to person , of course , not as much as in the answer form , but rather asking such question , some get angry , some simply walk away , and some look at me with a "don't you know ? " look on their faces . And you know what ? These are the people I zero in on , the ones with the quizzical look . And you know what else ? (and sometimes I think it being rude or insensitive ) , After ingaging them into conversation for a certain length of time , I had made it a habit of (in part , "discernment" training) I ask the same question again , and almost always their answer is a totally different from the first time they answered , and the ones that keep repeating the same one are the ones that end up on the bottom of my file stack . Some people , (in fact the other [secular] counselors here) consider that "inconsistent" , and they treat them in an opposite way , and they focus on that ONE issue for the rest of that resident's stay here , (no wonder they keep coming back here [relapse]) .
Though it is true , "Once you're saved , you are saved" to a certain extent , but without knowing from what is when a lot of souls find themselves always questioning whether they are or not . Isn't that the reason of being "lost' ? Yes it is also true that we are all born sinners , and some of us have been privileged to be brought up in "church" from the word go , but what about the rest ?
See , God is Infinite , what that means to me is that , whenever I tell myself , "this is what He saved me from , or , that is what He wants me to do , and this is His purpose of saving me .... " you get the picture , am I not limiting God ? Let alone myself ?
"At first there was Darkness , and God said 'Let there be Light' and there was Light " and what did our Lord Christ say , "I Am the Light " ! And man have been trying to put some numbers on the speed of it , Hah !
Here's my story , (the story within the story) .
When my Lord finally reached me , I was in an alley , He put Himself in my later to be sponsor , who in turn led me back to Himself . What was my first "saving" ? of course it was drugs/alcohol , and I rode on that whim for a while , I , was "lost" for alcohol ! later , it was guilt , remorse , and the list went on and on , and that is when I finally said to myself , "You know ? You don't have a clue do you ? "
When I first "met" my sponsor , he was just another drunk to me , as I got to know him more he "became" someone else (hmm) get the pic ? I wonder who it was that was doing the "changing" ?
Gaining custody of my daughter prompted me to buy a house for her to grow up in away from the "city-life" (my past) , later , the house next to me went up for sale and when the new people moved in I did some nosing around , usually I don't care , but now I had my daughter . Even though our house sat on 7 acres and their house was yet another 10 acres away , but in the process of finding out about them , it turned out to be that my neighbor had just gotten released from prison , and the charges ? Child molestation !
I don't recall taking another breath , I was knocking on his door "introducing" myself and my new 9mm S&W saying something like " Hey I just bought this and never used it yet and I really don't know what the affective range for it is , but however , if I see your shadow past your boundary , I'd shoot it first ! "
After explaining everything to the sherrif's deputy , in his "office" , I called my sponsor , that's when I found out about my sponsor being a sexual counselor . Two days later , at an AA meeting , this very neighbor was in attendance , of course by now I'm fuming ! , but , after the meeting he walks up to me and says , I'm looking for a sponsor , and Gary referred me to you , uh huh , and why is that ? Conflict of interest . I'm going what ? he says yes , when we appear in court for your threat case Gary is my rep . So now Gary "becomes" a lawyer !
Three weeks later , working the steps with this "individual" I came to see that he knew more and in fact helped me to see more of our Lord than I "thought" I knew all there was to know about Him !
Today , 10 years later , when I found myself just as homeless as the ones I counsel , I still sponsor him , and his office is directly across the hall from mine .
We will NEVER know who we are by trying to find out about ourselves by ourselves ! We will only accomplish that when God tells us who we are , and the way He does that is through WHOEVER He chooses to put us in the proper place of His Scheme of Things , not ours , we may want to Presidents or soup kitchen volunteers , but to Him it matters not what we want , It's what He wants is what matters .