In need of sharing something .... anything
Posted: Tue May 12, 2009 7:51 pm"He didn't know it can't be done , .... that's how he did it "
That statement , I think , is the most crucial part of who I had become today ever since someone gave me a book when I was still struggling with the whole idea of God , Christianity , religion , you name it , in order to help me be a bit more informed prior to making my final discission . If I were to reverse that statement , it would describe me to a tee , my thing had always been , "I KNOW it cant be done , that's why I couldn't do anything ". Things like , I cannot possibly be a Christian , cause I cannot forgive anyone , let alone love my enemies ! , I cannot be loved by God or Jesus , and on and on and on the list goes . I was (today I know) condemning myself , and in the process I was the one keeping myself from the Glory and Grace of God !
Self condemnation , ( I knew the answer would come once I started opening up to God in His own House) that's what it had been egging at me pretty much all day.
I did something today to a person that was "doing what he was supposed to be doing" that was very , very , very nasty and rude on my part (did I mention very ?) and , although it served its purpose , I'm still uneasy about it .
I pinned this person to a position where he had absolutely no other choice but to let the truth be revealed by his own words and terms , knowing that it was the last thing he wanted to do in front of 59 Christ oriented people .
Thinking about it ,(more shall be revealed ?) I guess it started out a while back being asked to lead a Bible study and I didnt want to do it for fear of inadequacy , but did it because "I'm not supposed to say no to God's calling" right ? Well that led to being asked to do it twice a week , so to make a long story short , it "mutually" agreed that we'd have an in house AA meetings established and that I run them back to back ! , ( my strings) yeahhhh still play the game sometimes , so shoot me alright !?!
Some years back , going against the "grain" I ended up firing one of my sponsees , cause of refusing to submit to a belief/reliance on a Power Greater than himself , so I promptly told him I could be of no help to him if he chooses so , and that I would be more than glad to steer him to someone who would be more "understanding" .
For three weeks now the word had been out about our meeting , and that I'm "scouting" for speakers, lead and chair persons . Of course in order for me to so I'd have to go to more meetings fishing for prospects , all of a sudden every meeting I had been attending , there he is !! "talking " about Higher Power this and HP that yada yada yada . Lip service .
Last night after leaving here , on the way back , this thought "came" to me , I know what he's doing , I'll give it to him !! HAH !!
First thing this morning , I canceled the other speaker and called him , saying "how much our group would benefit from his message" (lie #1)
ladida right ? at lunch , at the cafeteria I announced that the hours had been switched , and that we would have the study first . When he came in I "apologized" for the inconvenience and invited him to join us at the study , Oh , I made sure there were at least three people listening , so , he agreed , hmm , what a surprize !! and not only that , when the AA mtg . began , I announced , due to "unforseen" circumstances , we would turn the meeting to a speaker/discussion followed by Q/A .
We ended up in the chapel on our knees with him turning his will and life over to the care of God .
Who said an old behavior is always bad for you ?
Where's God's glory in all this ? Who else's would it be ? He put Jonah in His book for someone to read and they turned around and called me one , and like Jonah , I didnt want to do this , but did it cause at the time I thought God was talking through them , and while I was all wrapped up with my me's it was this guy that He had His Graceful Eyes fixed on .
So why am I so upset ?
How much have I missed ?
That statement , I think , is the most crucial part of who I had become today ever since someone gave me a book when I was still struggling with the whole idea of God , Christianity , religion , you name it , in order to help me be a bit more informed prior to making my final discission . If I were to reverse that statement , it would describe me to a tee , my thing had always been , "I KNOW it cant be done , that's why I couldn't do anything ". Things like , I cannot possibly be a Christian , cause I cannot forgive anyone , let alone love my enemies ! , I cannot be loved by God or Jesus , and on and on and on the list goes . I was (today I know) condemning myself , and in the process I was the one keeping myself from the Glory and Grace of God !
Self condemnation , ( I knew the answer would come once I started opening up to God in His own House) that's what it had been egging at me pretty much all day.
I did something today to a person that was "doing what he was supposed to be doing" that was very , very , very nasty and rude on my part (did I mention very ?) and , although it served its purpose , I'm still uneasy about it .
I pinned this person to a position where he had absolutely no other choice but to let the truth be revealed by his own words and terms , knowing that it was the last thing he wanted to do in front of 59 Christ oriented people .
Thinking about it ,(more shall be revealed ?) I guess it started out a while back being asked to lead a Bible study and I didnt want to do it for fear of inadequacy , but did it because "I'm not supposed to say no to God's calling" right ? Well that led to being asked to do it twice a week , so to make a long story short , it "mutually" agreed that we'd have an in house AA meetings established and that I run them back to back ! , ( my strings) yeahhhh still play the game sometimes , so shoot me alright !?!
Some years back , going against the "grain" I ended up firing one of my sponsees , cause of refusing to submit to a belief/reliance on a Power Greater than himself , so I promptly told him I could be of no help to him if he chooses so , and that I would be more than glad to steer him to someone who would be more "understanding" .
For three weeks now the word had been out about our meeting , and that I'm "scouting" for speakers, lead and chair persons . Of course in order for me to so I'd have to go to more meetings fishing for prospects , all of a sudden every meeting I had been attending , there he is !! "talking " about Higher Power this and HP that yada yada yada . Lip service .
Last night after leaving here , on the way back , this thought "came" to me , I know what he's doing , I'll give it to him !! HAH !!
First thing this morning , I canceled the other speaker and called him , saying "how much our group would benefit from his message" (lie #1)
ladida right ? at lunch , at the cafeteria I announced that the hours had been switched , and that we would have the study first . When he came in I "apologized" for the inconvenience and invited him to join us at the study , Oh , I made sure there were at least three people listening , so , he agreed , hmm , what a surprize !! and not only that , when the AA mtg . began , I announced , due to "unforseen" circumstances , we would turn the meeting to a speaker/discussion followed by Q/A .
We ended up in the chapel on our knees with him turning his will and life over to the care of God .
Who said an old behavior is always bad for you ?
Where's God's glory in all this ? Who else's would it be ? He put Jonah in His book for someone to read and they turned around and called me one , and like Jonah , I didnt want to do this , but did it cause at the time I thought God was talking through them , and while I was all wrapped up with my me's it was this guy that He had His Graceful Eyes fixed on .
So why am I so upset ?
How much have I missed ?
because God gave you the tools.