my MCFC blog

[mlg]

Yes sis, you need some refreshing. Your virtue has been zapped out of you by the world. When you feel yourself in times like this, go run you a bubble bath, turn on some Christian music LOUD, and refresh in the Spirit. Right now you are weary, and best not to push yourself too much when you are like this becuase the enemy knows you are tired, and he is looking to pull you down even further....run to Jesus sis...let Him hold you....let Him lift you back up. Things are gonna get better soon.

luv ya bunches

[Tam]

Hi Goldie....You will have days like that but I encourage you to press through and do all you can . IF you have to take a break that is understandable.....I sometimes came back late at night and finished a lesson I had started.
Hang in there....I know you can do it.
Love you sis
Tam

[goldieluvs]

ty me sistas yes i am back and ready yet again. Thanking God for all He does for me every single day.

Ok.. so Peer Pressure. Wow oh wow. Been there done that. Brought me to my knees. Thank God He lifted me back up. Don't much care what people think about me anymore. I am who i am by the grace of God. And He's not done with me yet. My family loves me even though we are all imperfect, but i do know they love me.

I used to do bad things out of a need for acceptance, belonging. Funny thing is, i was aware of the positive things, but chose the bad ones. Was too busy blaming God and feeling lonely. Well, as far as relationships go, i really don't have one. No boyfriend, no husband. No real desire to look for one. If he showed up at my front door, i would probably be looking out the back door . Sometimes i think it would be nice to have a companion. Not necessarily the sexual stuff, but just someone to be around, talk etc. Then sometimes i prefer being alone. Like sometimes after working all week and being out there and talking with people about all sorts of stuff, at the end of the week, all i wanna do is hide in my house for the weekend. Sometimes i get out, mostly i just stay at home. If i go out its to get groceries, sometimes go shopping. Rarely to visit family. Other than that, nothing. Dunno y. Maybe something i need to explore further.

Faith.. well I could ALWAYS use more Faith! Sometimes i am feeling awesome and full of faith. and sometimes its like very little faith. Not that i dont think God loves me or that God can't fix it. Sometimes i just feel defeated, and instead of reaching out in faith. I hide. Guess something else to work on, but thats ok too, cuz i no where near perfect.In fact cant think of any human being on the face of this earth right now who is. So just keep moving on.....

[Tam]

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!! girlfriend....glad to see you are back at it. Keep pressing in and you will make it.
I agree with you on the Faith stuff.....some days a lot and some days not...but GOD..

Love you sis

[mlg]

Good to see ya up and back to it sis. We all have tough days, but tomorrow brings a new day...

You will get better at drawing on your faith to sustain you through rough times. You will also be quicker at getting back up when you do.

Peer pressure, I think we've all been there done that one. Fell for it and followed others, but once we start truly allowing God to lead, we won't fall for it so easily.

Your doing well with getting back on the path. Keep at it sis.

luv ya

[goldieluvs]

Ok i skipped another day wat can i say? But i am back and continuing on towards the prize.

The Calling. Wow wat an awesome thing. I believe i am called to try to help people. I seem to do well with people who suffer from mental health issues as i also do. Somedays are better than others. Sometimes i see where i only halfheartedly serve.

Here recently and im not sure what to make of this, things have gotten worse for me. Job has me totally stressed out, not the actual people, but the job in and of itself. Anxiety level through the roof. Been struggling for about two weeks now, finally broke down and called doc. So i go on Wed.

I am pretty sure it is my calling. Encouraging people helping them see theirselves in a different light even though its an ongoing struggle sometimes for others and myself.

Sometimes i try to imagine what the perfect life would look like as in ALWAYS happy No Anxiety Just PEACE. Havent found it yet. But i believe God provides a day at a time what we need to get through.

Sometimes its hard to imagine why He would even have chosen me for anything, but then He reminds me that in His sight I am precious and loved. Something that seems to be quite lacking in the world all around us.

Do I sometimes think that maybe just maybe God wants me to do something else and i just dont see it,, well yeah actually i do at times wonder. But then i think no matter what ur job if u are working for the Lord then all is well.

Well, my calling i believe is basically to try to help people see theirselves how God sees them and help them to see that life can be different that bad things or past things or actions do not have to define who u are, yeah ok they might have happened, but is it REALLY you? I don't think so.

Sometimes i wonder about the Mental Health field wondering if i am like posessed or something cuz i was once told i had a demon in me. Or maybe stuck in spiritual bondage. And well maybe with some things i am but i have come to the conclusion that God's healing comes in many forms. So i try to find wat works for me. And i try to help people explore what works for them. So have just now decided actually, that it doesn't matter where i do it so long as i do it.

[mlg]

goldie, I think you have a beautiful calling sis. So many people suffer from mental problems these days, and it's so hard for them to find a listening ear that understands and can relate. God has brought YOU to be able to help these souls, in knowing that they aren't alone and that you are all in this together.

As for the mental illness being a demon, that could be a demon attack, but even so, many of us live with our own attacks in other ways, but we know that Jesus is the one that fends off the attacks. Whether it be through medicine, or faith healing...He has the healing power in Him. So search all resources and know that the way God leads you is the way He wants to heal you and others.

I'm so proud of you goldie for stepping out to help these souls and so is God.

luv ya bunches

[Tam]

So glad to see you back on track again. I am so glad you are pressing in to work on these steps.
The mental health field has got to be on of the hardest fields to work in. I admire you for that.
Goldie you said something that concerns me

"Sometimes i wonder about the Mental Health field wondering if i am like posessed or something cuz i was once told i had a demon in me. Or maybe stuck in spiritual bondage"
(had to copy and paste because I don't know how to do a quote.}

I hope I don't get in trouble for saying this but here goes......
I do not believe that if Jesus is living in you ...you are possessed. I do not believe that the devil can live in the same dwelling as Jesus does. However...I do believe that a christian can be oppressed. I pray that God will show you in your heart of hearts.

Once again, I am so proud of you for pressing through. We serve an awesome God.

Love you sis
Tammy

[goldieluvs]

ty mlg and tam i just luvs u all bunches!! Tam maybe oppression is a better word. I used posessed because that is what a person tole me i was. So, in thinking more oppressed does sound better ty my sisters for walking with me on this journey.

Luvs u all

[deetu]

hi goldie,
I just wanted to say that I couldn't work with mentally handicapped people. Being truthful and upfront. I also couldn't work with the homeless and oppressed. But I know that God has people out there that can and are willing to because they can associate with them because they have been there. See, I could never understand these people the way that you can, so it would be harder for me to talk with them and they would feel that.
What we go through is what God has us do.

I volunteer at the hospital as a Spiritual Caregiver. That means I visit patients, listen to them and offer prayer... that kind of stuff. I once walked into a room right when the person was crying out to God. I could tell exactly when the demon was whispering to her because she would turn her head slightly and lose focus. So I kept pulling her back and telling her truths, the most important that Jesus still loved her, even though she tried to kill herself. I was given permission to visit her in the mental ward and you know what? She was talking to and counseling other women in the unit who also tried to commit suicide.

He uses all of us who are willing.

Hee hee, and if we lived a perfect life, we would be bored. I know I would be.
I am happy since I've found God and that's enough for me.

[Mackenaw]

Hello Goldie

God bless you this day.

Goldie, I've been reading along with your posts -- both here in this Forum and in the Coping with Mental Illness Forum. I love your heart. Yep, I really do, because you so honest.

I don't and won't ever claim to know all the ins and outs of mental health or the reason we think the way we do, or whether or not something is a chemical imbalance or whatever. I can only go by my own assessments and the discerning the Lord gives me. I'm still growing; therefore, I'm not there yet.

I say all that to say this...Goldie, God has given you a very sensitive spirit. It is a gift; however, just like any other gift that He gives man, we have to get to know Him and grow into the gift. I say, get to know Him, because far too often when man goes about getting to know his/her gift, they become puffed up and big headed. It's just a by-product of this flesh thing. But as we get to know Him better, He leads us into understanding of the gifts He has bestowed upon us. Because, hey -- the gifts are for His purpose, right? Woooohoooo!

So often when I've read your posts, I find that I could say "I resemble that comment." Yet, we have such different lives. I've been married since I was 19, and so for 36 years I've not lived alone. In fact, I've never lived alone -- I went straight from my parents house to making a home with my husband. There were years within my life that my husband was a police investigator and he would work very strange hours that required that he not be at home nights. I never got used to sleeping in a house by myself, and for most of our 36 years of marriage I used to wake my husband several times a week, insisting someone was in the house. He patiently would get up and search through the house to calm my fears. I heard things, and my mind would imagine lots of things. However, I found out years later that not everything was my imagination. See, I too, like you, have been given a very sensitive spirit, by God. I am no longer afraid. I still hear and see things, but I have gotten to know my Lord now, and the scripture "Greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world" is quick to my heart and lips. Thank You Lord.

Sensitive spirits hear and often see things that others do not. By the guidance of The Holy Spirit we can be used in ways that we never deemed possible. It is; however, absolutely critical that we stay as close to The Lord as possible and that we learn His voice above all others and that we shod and arm ourselves with His Sword -- the word of God. Remember, it is His gift. Yeah!!!

The spiritual world is huge. The earth realm pales in comparison to the spiritual realm -- it doesn't come close to the size of the spiritual realm.

Goldie, you have a great call on your life. God can, does and will continue to use you for His purpose.

God did not give you a spirit of fear, but of love, of power and of a sound mind.

Until we meet again. Love you lots, dear Goldie

God bless and keep you.
Love,
Mack

[goldieluvs]

awww deetu wat an awesome calling!!! its amazing how God uses us and others even in midst of pain.

ty mackles sis, God is SO Amazing. I am in awe of how u have been able to discern and put things into perspective. I think i am where i am trying to put it into perspective.

Ok am I ordained? God is pressing on my heart that yes i am ordained to help others through encouragement, seeing theirselves through God's eyes (still working on that one myself) the doubt comes in specifically related to mental health field. I agree spiritual realm is HUGE and much is beyond my comprehension. Sometimes i fear that i am not doing what God would want me to do cuz of whether it is spiritual or not is not a consideration of docs. They listen to the symptoms and they medicate.

Docs give meds to try to decrease those symptoms and in some cases i believe a person HAS to have em, like today for instance, a person had on warrior paint yesterday and came back in today saying he was going to rape and kill someone. he even had a knife on him. He had been off meds for five months. Needless to say he is in a hospital tonight. And when he is on his meds he is sooo different.

But then I think that maybe it is spiritual after all. But i have seen how meds help too. so am still a lil confuzzled about it. There is so much pain out in this world. I don't wanna add any more to it if i can help it.

Maybe thats wat scares me most when encouraging peeps cuz well the area i work in is two steps down from hospitalization. Theres many levels which is best way i know how to describe it as far as mental health system in this state.

There is medication clinic where u come in and see doc and get meds once a month and therapy should be in there too, but many times people don't get that. The next step is community support where u have a case manager helping with stuff. The state is trying to do away with that level dunno yet wat will replace it. Then theres CST which is wat i do, where a small team works with people. They tend to have more difficulty functioning, suicidal, homicidal, legal issues, substance abuse issues, homeless, well u get idea. The next step and last step before hospitalization is called ACTT, which is where the sickest are treated in effort to keep out of hospital.

Ok back to wat my worry is.. if it IS spiritual then perhaps they don't need medications after all, which leads me to questioning the whole mental health field. But I KNOW it helps many. And God certainly heals, one of those avenues i think are from doctors.

Then there are times when I dont have any doubt. Like with one person i was with, she brought her bible saying if it isnt in here then i dont believe it. So, i started telling her certain verses to read as she was soo without peace. Like John 16:33 and my cool quote. Then she flipped through wanting to share something with me and she said ok like this here. its God talking saying and she proceeded to read about disciples being scatterred cuz they couldnt follow Him, I asked her did she know what Jesus was talking about and she said no so then i got to share that Jesus was telling his disciples that He was fixing to no longer be there in person and that He was going to be sending them out into the world to spread the word.. and that was the beginning of christianity spreading throughout the world.

So, maybe the enemy is throwing all this doubt in to decrease effectiveness. Or maybe God is trying to get my attention.(have to admit im a lil dense sometimes ) Ima keep praying about it, But in my heart I KNOW i am supposed to help others. Compassion and Truth. People so desperately need that. People need Peace. Peace that only God provides.