Christianity Oasis Member Forum & Chat Room

(Day 1)
So, it has been recommended to me many times before to do this. I never did. I was scared of what people would think of me. So, the beginning.

Feeling

I feel unworthy of this amazing love that God has for me. I feel that no matter how hard I try, I am failing in someway or another. I am feeling really broken. Unsure. And the biggest feeling that I have is hatred towards myself. Right now I feel little. Lower then a snake's belly. I feel that no matter which way I turn, I run into a brick wall. I run into people that are judging me. I feel helpless. Lost. Angry. Unworthy. Sadness. I cry tears that I don't know why. I am like none other.

What I want to tell God

[u] I want to tell God that I am angry at him. Yea, I know that the way I am treated isn't his fault, but he gave man free will. I want to tell God that here are all the broken pieces of such a fragile heart and that I want to change. That I want to be fixed. One of the biggest things that I want to tell God is that I am really ready this time. I really want to change and I want to fall for him. I want to be a servant for God and I want to tell him, take me. I am yours.

rmarie

I know that was hard for you to share... but I am so glad to see you beginning this journey! I think you will find so much of God in this study as well as the way to renew your mind from your thoughts of unworthiness and self hatred. To thoughts of His unfailing love for us, and thoughts of your place and purpose in this life as you surrender to His Will

And sis, I can relate to that anger towards Him... I hope it helped a bit to type it out to Him, for He understands

I look forward to reading more of your blog soon rmarie! GBU richly

Susi

rmarie so glad to see you beginning your new journey. You have taken the first steps in beginning to heal, and make things new and fresh. Realizing that we are angry, at ourselves, and angry at God, will begin to help you to release these things, and move past them.

This program is designed to help you release that anger, and to find a loving relationship with the Lord. He is so worthy of you wanting to be His, and you deserve all His grace and mercy. It may not seem like you deserve anything at this moment, but that's why Jesus came, so that He could wipe out your past, and make you deserving.

Praying for you as you continue these steps. Let me know if you need to chat.

luv ya sis

(Day 2)

Feeling

Today I feel happiness, but sadness underneath. I am feeling unsure of myself. I am questioning why I am doing this journey. I want to do this to become a better person, but I am afraid of what might happen if I give too much up.


What I want to tell God

Right now, I just want to tell God that I am trying and that I really need I want him to know that I am trying, but I am falling.

Rmarie God knows you are trying sis, He is also there to help you. You have to let Him take control. Give Him the reigns to the cart, and let Him do the driving. Follow His lead.

The happiness you feel, is God's presence, the sadness is from all the fear you have bottled up. You have become so used to having that fear around that now you are afraid of just letting it go and letting God. Seems weird doesn't it? The fear of letting fear go? Well, you can and with God by your side, you will, just keep pressing on. Don't give up. There is a Light at the end of this path and it's not anything to fear, but something to look forward to.

Praying for you sis


luv ya

(Day 3)

I know that I am suppose to do this for 14 days straight. I will have to stop for about four days because I am going on a retreat through my church. It is a retreat to become better disciples of the Lord.

Feeling

Today I felt really happy most of the day. I went to church with my parents, and for once actually listened to my pastor's sermon. I have been pretty happy all day long. I am very excited and I feel like jumping up and down.

What I want to tell God

I just want to thank God today for giving me life and for always being there for me. I know that at times, I feel really alone and unsure. I know that he is there and he has open arms with my name written on them. I want to tell him that I give my life to him and I will wait as patiently as I can to see what he wants from me in return.

Yay rmarie, the angels are jumping up and down too.
It's so good to see you happy. I'm glad you listened to the Pastor. The Lord's word is such a wonderful tool to possess. His Word will help you overcome the trials of life. Keep doing the steps, and we will miss you while you are gone. Just remember to get back to the steps when you get back.

luv ya sis

It is now 8:00 my time, and I am feeling like journaling some. I have this feeling that isn't exactly explainable. I am sad. I think the reason is because my pastor is leaving my church after being here for 7 years. It really saddens me because he was there for me when I needed to vent. When I felt the world had left me. I know that God needs him to go to another parish, but I want him to stay. I know he can't stay forever. When I was saying good bye to him, I had asked him if he was going to remember me. He told me, " Are you kidding? You are in my thoughts and in my heart. I love you as if you were my own child and even though at times I get angry and short with you, I will never forget you. You are a beautiful daughter of God's. " Wow. I have NEVER felt like a daughter of God's. I don't know, I guess I never thought of it that way. Well, that is how I am feeling and I hope that my pastor knows that he really impacted my life.

rmarie sis

Yes you are most definitely God's little girl He created you, He knew you before you were born, and He has wonderful plans for your life He loves you so much.

I know its difficult when people we have grown to love and care for, suddenly seem to be taking a path that leads them away from us.

And yes, it is hard to not be around them as before, but then that is possibly the greatest test of friendship, as true friendship and love withstand the tests of time and distance.

With the technology available today, it is easier now more than ever, to connect with people no matter how far away they seem Being here at the Oasis has shown me that you dont need to hear or see someone or be physically around them to love them.

So trust in the Lord and ask Him to lead both you and your pastor into His perfect will. And just like He has great plans for your pastor, the Lord has great plans for you too

So keep your eyes open, and be alert, so that you will see the opportunities when they come your way Exciting!

And know that we are here for you should u need to talk, or vent, or need a shoulder to lean on

God bless you always lil rmarie

rmarie sis I know your going to miss your pastor. You are upset because you feel like you are loosing someone you are close to. The truth is you aren't loosing them, they are just moving on to do God's work somewhere else, but I'm sure there will be a way for you to keep in touch with your pastor. Also, I want you to know that God has a plan for someone to replace your pastor, and His choices are always good choices

God loves you very much. He made you for his glory and you are his beautiful child. God will never leave you, so you will never be alone, no matter how many people come and go in your lifetime. Keep your focus always on the Lord, and find happiness within your relationship.

luv ya

(Day 4)
Today I just returned from the camp I was at since Monday. The retreat was truly amazing and it was a time for me to find God again and let him embrace me for who I am. Right now, I feel at peace. I know that these stumbling blocks I have in my relationship with God are there because, let's face it, I am lazy. I have struggled for such a long time with my relationship with God. I know that he loves me and for such a long time, I just couldn't go to God and tell him that I loved him back. Going on this retreat made me open my eyes. I know that I don't have to say the words to God, he gives me gifts that help me express who I am and how I love him. He is truly amazing.

rmarie so glad your back We missed you. Sounds like you had a wonderful time at the retreat, and had some time to refresh and live in the Spirit. I'm so glad that you are finding out that to be with God takes work and a willingness. When one is lazy they will fall further away, as they stop moving towards God, and push Him away. God wants to be number 1 and I'm so glad you took the time, to find your way back in His loving arms, and are closer to Him than you were when you left. Keep doing the steps. Day 4 you have finished and you should be proud.

luv ya