God's tests
Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 1:24 pmOKAY OKAY, SO THIS WAS ORIGINALLY WRITTEN OUT FOR MY MYSPACE BLOG, SO IF THERE'S SOME THINGS THAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, THAT'S WHY. BUT THIS IS SOMETHING THAT YOU GUYS SHOULD KNOW ABOUT TOO I GUESS, SO HERE IT IS:
wow, so like the same day as my last blog, right after i got off the phone with my brother, i went out into the living room to see what was up cause i heard more voices then just ben and his friend who had been staying with us. apparently a few of her freinds came over just for a bit before they were gonna head back out. no big deal right? i didnt notice it at first, but her friend was rolling up some pot on our table. before i knew it, i was watching her do it while i was talking to her about why its bad and why i didnt do it (i always make sure people know that i am a christian, a real one too and not like a ton of hypocrites that ive met recently that claim to be christians but live no differently then anyone else, smokingpot, drinking, and many other drugs)
all of the sudden my vission almost completely blacked out and my legs became so instantly week that i could barely stand, and i felt like i was about to vomit. i said that i needed to sit down for a moment and i went and locked myself in the bathroom. i sat there and i began to panic because im so affraid of pukeing that you could say that i have a phobia of it. i hate it, i cant stand it. so i repeated the Lord's prayer over and over again. after a moment i could hear them leave and once the door shut i instantly began to feel better. i had felt these effects before, but not quite as strong and violent. i experienced the exact same thing before when God has wanted my attention, and looking back on both instances, it sorta feels like God is taking you in the palm of His hand and squeezing the life out of you. it feels so horrible, but it is a very efficient way of getting someone's attention. i knew then that action needed to be taken. i felt better so i left the bathroom, back into the living room where she had just left the pot sitting out on the table.
big mistake.
"You are getting flushed!"
after that i just sat and repeated Psalms 23
when they got back a few minutes later, they were mad. but i can promise that they wont be bringing that junk into my house again. i mean, this is the same reason why college students aernt welcome in this place any more and i will not be kicked out of here! they knew how i felt about this stuff, and i trusted them to know enough and respect me enough to not even bring this kinda stuff here. i guess i had underestimated their ignorance. i told them that too. obviously, i had to lay down some new rules.
"What you do on your own time is your business, but you will not bring this stuff here. If I see this in my house again, I will call the cops. If I smell this stuff in my house, I will call the cops. If I even so much as smell this stuff on you as you walk through my door, I will call the cops."
ofcourse thier first responce was to attack me, saying "What if I flushed your Bible down the toilet?!" now that wouldnt quite be equal. but i would love to meet that girl again, to give her the oportunity to destroy it. it would prove a point to her; that the Living Word of God is not something that can be written on paper, but only on our hearts. (Proverbs 3:3-4) my parents gave me this Bible when i was only ten years old, and ive completely covered it in Pillar stickers, tape and other stuff and ive loved it ever scinse. but it doesnt matter. if its to prove a point that will really dig deep, id let her destroy a hundred Bibles. she wouldnthave hut my feelings, and definetly not God's. i really want to meet her again to give her that chance, even though i know ill probably never see her again. she probably doesnt ever want to see me again for the rest of her life, which i dont blame her. but i couldnt think of anything else for one or two days, and for the first time in my life, i think i really felt compassion the way that we're all supposed to. i really, really wanted to reach out to this person, and i was filled with the desire to minister. i still am, although it has been dulled by the fact that i know that i will probably never see her again. (ben's friend has left us now for a different reason, as for the one who's pot i flushed, who knows?)
all of this that happened is kinda odd when you consider that this was at the end of the day that my last blog was written, when i was feeling so great. when i was so cheerfull and optimistic-feeling (which is rare if you know me) a saying popped in my head and i thought it was so cool that i had to make a note of it in my cellphone. at the end of the day, lying down in my bed i was reviewing everything that had just happened in my head, i flipped my phone open and read it out to myself again: "Remember, today is a great day to be a christian!!!" and after all that had happened, it was still true. now i wake up everyday and say to myself, today is a great day to be a christian! i challenge you to do the same. its really humbling when you think about it, cause any and every day is a great day to do God's work. and though i do still feel reall guilty about actually destroying what was her property, i feel good about the night as a whole, because im confident that i did God's will when He shook my body up to get my attention. ive learned more about my tolerances then anything, or atleast, what my tolerances should be now. atleast my roomate ben understood me, and he promised me that it will never happen again.
wow, so like the same day as my last blog, right after i got off the phone with my brother, i went out into the living room to see what was up cause i heard more voices then just ben and his friend who had been staying with us. apparently a few of her freinds came over just for a bit before they were gonna head back out. no big deal right? i didnt notice it at first, but her friend was rolling up some pot on our table. before i knew it, i was watching her do it while i was talking to her about why its bad and why i didnt do it (i always make sure people know that i am a christian, a real one too and not like a ton of hypocrites that ive met recently that claim to be christians but live no differently then anyone else, smokingpot, drinking, and many other drugs)
all of the sudden my vission almost completely blacked out and my legs became so instantly week that i could barely stand, and i felt like i was about to vomit. i said that i needed to sit down for a moment and i went and locked myself in the bathroom. i sat there and i began to panic because im so affraid of pukeing that you could say that i have a phobia of it. i hate it, i cant stand it. so i repeated the Lord's prayer over and over again. after a moment i could hear them leave and once the door shut i instantly began to feel better. i had felt these effects before, but not quite as strong and violent. i experienced the exact same thing before when God has wanted my attention, and looking back on both instances, it sorta feels like God is taking you in the palm of His hand and squeezing the life out of you. it feels so horrible, but it is a very efficient way of getting someone's attention. i knew then that action needed to be taken. i felt better so i left the bathroom, back into the living room where she had just left the pot sitting out on the table.
big mistake.
"You are getting flushed!"
after that i just sat and repeated Psalms 23
when they got back a few minutes later, they were mad. but i can promise that they wont be bringing that junk into my house again. i mean, this is the same reason why college students aernt welcome in this place any more and i will not be kicked out of here! they knew how i felt about this stuff, and i trusted them to know enough and respect me enough to not even bring this kinda stuff here. i guess i had underestimated their ignorance. i told them that too. obviously, i had to lay down some new rules.
"What you do on your own time is your business, but you will not bring this stuff here. If I see this in my house again, I will call the cops. If I smell this stuff in my house, I will call the cops. If I even so much as smell this stuff on you as you walk through my door, I will call the cops."
ofcourse thier first responce was to attack me, saying "What if I flushed your Bible down the toilet?!" now that wouldnt quite be equal. but i would love to meet that girl again, to give her the oportunity to destroy it. it would prove a point to her; that the Living Word of God is not something that can be written on paper, but only on our hearts. (Proverbs 3:3-4) my parents gave me this Bible when i was only ten years old, and ive completely covered it in Pillar stickers, tape and other stuff and ive loved it ever scinse. but it doesnt matter. if its to prove a point that will really dig deep, id let her destroy a hundred Bibles. she wouldnthave hut my feelings, and definetly not God's. i really want to meet her again to give her that chance, even though i know ill probably never see her again. she probably doesnt ever want to see me again for the rest of her life, which i dont blame her. but i couldnt think of anything else for one or two days, and for the first time in my life, i think i really felt compassion the way that we're all supposed to. i really, really wanted to reach out to this person, and i was filled with the desire to minister. i still am, although it has been dulled by the fact that i know that i will probably never see her again. (ben's friend has left us now for a different reason, as for the one who's pot i flushed, who knows?)
all of this that happened is kinda odd when you consider that this was at the end of the day that my last blog was written, when i was feeling so great. when i was so cheerfull and optimistic-feeling (which is rare if you know me) a saying popped in my head and i thought it was so cool that i had to make a note of it in my cellphone. at the end of the day, lying down in my bed i was reviewing everything that had just happened in my head, i flipped my phone open and read it out to myself again: "Remember, today is a great day to be a christian!!!" and after all that had happened, it was still true. now i wake up everyday and say to myself, today is a great day to be a christian! i challenge you to do the same. its really humbling when you think about it, cause any and every day is a great day to do God's work. and though i do still feel reall guilty about actually destroying what was her property, i feel good about the night as a whole, because im confident that i did God's will when He shook my body up to get my attention. ive learned more about my tolerances then anything, or atleast, what my tolerances should be now. atleast my roomate ben understood me, and he promised me that it will never happen again.