Christianity Oasis Forum

[RRai]

I decided to join this forum after a web search because with the current situation, like a lot of people, I can't go to a church and talk to other people. I have spent decades building my life (as we all do) to a point where I was comfortable. I was ready to start a family with my spouse and financially we were finally secure.
I have been living overseas for a number of years and loved my home there. Suddenly we were surrounded by political oppression and threats of violence which made us after a year decide to move back to the US. We arrived here, where we owned a small condo that we have been renting out in the hopes of keeping it for retirement some day. We didn't want to kick our tenant out because he is an elderly man and we were invited to stay with my mother in law.
When we moved in we found her residence was overrun with insects and mice, and her tomcat had urinated on all of the furnishings and walls -she is older and had let the place go. I hired an exterminator and cleaned her house top to bottom, fixed a lot of things that needed repair and financed the repairs from my savings. We have been supporting her financially since the virus situation and I know she would be worried to use her money for the repairs, so I have no problem to do the work and pay for what I cannot do myself.
We moved in 2 months ago, and I have been having a very difficult time finding employment. I have been applying and have had many interviews, but no job offers yet. My husband is working full time and earns enough to support us in the meantime so in that way we are blessed. But I will admit I am impatient and frustrated to get back to work. I am also taking classes to earn my masters degree, which has been in process since I was living overseas and is a building block to what I would like to do in my career. In addition to difficulty finding employment, my much loved pet of 14 years passed away suddenly which has made me very sad the past few weeks.
In the past I have always gotten along very well with my mother in law and love her dearly. But, when we returned she is very critical of me. She puts me down and compares me to my sister in law in a way that is very hurtful. For example she told me that the sister in law is so much more intelligent and attractive than I am and that she (pregnant now) will have a beautiful child. She has told me that I should not be looking to have children in the next few years because my brother and sister in laws baby is all she will have time for. She skipped our wedding last minute because she wanted to go on a cruise with her friend instead a few years ago, so I was not very surprised that she does not want to be involved, but I am frustrated that she is attempting to dictate when I have a child with my husband (and I don't have many years left before I will be too old). And I don't understand the attitude change toward me, I have always treated her as the lovely woman I know she is.
So I am struggling - a lot. I am feeling bitter and angry and frustrated. I have always been the type to look at the bright side, to say to myself it is all part of God's plan and it will be ok. But I feel like it won't be ok. I pray, and I ask for guidance, and I ask for patience (with the mother in law) but I feel like I am not listening for His word. It is hard to explain but I feel as though my head is full of cotton and I have so many things running through that I can't concentrate on His voice. I am feeling unhappy all the time and I just want to leave and go home, but I can't because my home isn't there.
I think what is bothering me most is that I feel more separated from my God than I ever have and I don't know why or how to fix it. Each morning before I make everyone breakfast and prepare lunches I pray, I pray when I cook dinner and before bed after my school work is done. I pray for forgiveness for my bad attitude and to help me overcome it and do live in peace but I just..flounder every day.

[Mackenaw]

Hello RRai,

God bless you this day, and welcome to Christianity Oasis.

I just read your post, and I will be responding very soon. I sensed you are truly hurting and feeling confused, so I just wanted to let you know that someone (me) will be replying. I have to fix dinner and get a few chores done before I can type much. Please know I am praying for you, and also praying for just the right words to share with you.

Hang in there, sweet sister in Christ.

God bless you,
Mack (another sister in Christ)

[Mackenaw]

Hello RRai,

God bless you this day.

Your subject heading really stood out to me: "All my hard work is crumbling down." It sounded so familiar...something I could have heard myself stating in my younger years. (I'm now on the backside of my 60s).

No doubt you are a hard worker, and no doubt you desire to please others -- to do the right thing(s). Seems like it should all work out, huh? Then, wham...life throws a big ole curve ball.

RRai, I hope you'll read the 14 days of the CCCC Study to completion, and meditate on the blessed scriptures in each day's study. As The Bible tells us: Jeremiah 29:13 And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. The Lord has so much to show you. He loves you so very much.

You'll be in my prayers to The Lord in the name of Jesus. God The Father's will be done.

God bless and keep you,
Mack