karebear journal day 10
Posted: Wed Dec 31, 2014 10:38 pmI was raised semi-Catholic, meaning I started out in the Catholic church, even made my 1st communion, but even so, we were never regular attenders. Holidays, of course. I remember going to the priest a few times, confessing and having to say certain prayers. I was taught God was holy and scary and not really accessible. And, I never believed any of it. For whatever reason, I felt like I could just "talk" to God anytime, anywhere for as long as I can remember. I remember many nights as a child as I lay in my bed awake, talking to God. I felt close to Him. I would tell Him that I knew that I could have been born anywhere on earth, and sometimes I would fantasize that I was born into a "normal" family in some exotic place, but I would always "come back" from my fantasy and tell the Lord that I knew He had his reasons for placing me in my crazy family. Now, I like to write my prayers during my quiet times. I often, if not always, ask that His will be done, not mine. I often hear from Him. He's funny, playful, direct and full of grace and mercy. He has never done or said anything to merit my lack of trust in Him. He has always been faithful, protected me from harm in more situations than I know and has not failed me yet. Yet, I do not completely trust Him. I am glad He and I are working on the trust and hiding issues. He is so patient. So very patient. So very gently and kind. When I allow His love to penetrate my fortress of mistrust, even for just a moment, it is deliriously good. Thank you, Lord, that there is no fortress strong enough to keep you out when you hear me call.
