Christianity Oasis Forum

[karebear]

I sense a deep resistance within me as I consider this new step of surrounding myself with things that emphasize and remind me of who I am in Christ. I am not sure if it is just a rebellion or if it is a reaction to what might be considered a rejection of who I am. Probably a little of both. I have struggled and continue at times to struggle with rebellion to authority, rules, etc. I have had to take care of myself and authority has proven itself lacking or even corrupt time after time along my path. I also react strongly to anything that even feels even slightly like rejection, as I have experienced rejection from infant to adult. Having to change who I am can translate to rejection in my mind if I do not capture that thought and take it captive to Christ. There are so many reactions, ways I think, ways I view things - that are rooted and established in so many years of lies. That is why I'm pulling these weeds, right? I have to be patient with the process. I have to trust the Lord.

[dema]

Yes, but what you choose, day by day and hour by hour, to expose yourself to affects who you are and who you become. We don't tend to realize that. But if we pay attention to our thoughts as we do different things it really shows.

I am sorry you were hurt. Being hurt as a child affects us our whole lives long - not that being hurt as an adult doesn't - but the affect is deeper. God does love you. God loves you very much. Exposing yourself to that love can be healing. But there is more to healing and I believe you are working on that.