Christianity Oasis Forum

[asunder]

This is a stone I don't know how to stand on. I even waited before logging into my journal. My mouth can say, "I forgive him", but I am not sure I can fully - the ALL. I am praying about this. I forgave twice before, never to bring up again, then it happened for the third time and this time it has brought me to a point in my life I never wanted to be put in. Now, I can only think how he has wasted my efforts, time, life. I think, he has never ever asked for forgiveness the other two times and I forgave. He wants no forgiveness (has NEVER asked for forgiveness) because to say your sorry means you will try to change, or maybe he sees and feels no wrong. If I forgive him this time, we still are headed for a divorce. Forgiveness is to put away, I will always know I was incapable of keeping my marriage vow before God and have the admittance of "I'm divorced" in conversation - is that not the "reminder" of a sin that you couldn't put past you or someone did to you. Rather say, "I'm a widow".
Now, if I can't stand on this stone, how will I move to #5 healing process. I'm being honest and here I am stuck. His actions brought me where I am today, and he moves on through life with no remorse, no consequence, no care, moving on with his life as if on a pass of freedom.
stuck and can't go forward.

[Jamie808]

God Bless you as you walk through your difficult journey Asunder. My heart goes out to u as I hear the torment in your post. As you know I am divorced after 21 yr marriage. I am my wife's 3rd husband and she is my second AND ONLY OTHER WIFE by God's grace.

I have not done the study that you are in so some of what I say may be different than what you are being taught I don't know. But since you asked for help I will offer my experience.

First of all I learned and am learning the difference between religion and spirituality (not some new age weird stuff) but the true Christian experience. The Word has been given to me a million and one reasons. The Bible says it is profitable for teaching, correcting, rebuking and training in righteousness...but the Pharisees had the word !!!! And that's ALL they had. How far did they get ? We need God's revelation of His word in our hearts. This is the true Christian life. So I think we need to be careful sometimes about living by the "letter of the law." In other words, "God hates divorce"...
Of course he does - . But he doesn't hate people who get divorced !!!! He doesn't condemn people who with all of their hearts have tried and tried to work through an impossible situation in order to obey their loving God. God hates gossip ! Did u know that ? God hates a haughty spirit - people that act like they know stuff. Do u you know anybody like that ? Anybody like that in a church you've been to ? In a church you're going to now ? Are they staying up late at night agonizing about how their "sin" is offending God and dirtying His people in the body? In other words, please dear one do not live under condemnation because our religion has taught us something about being a divorced. God's Spirit through His word says "nothing can separate you from the love of God." God's Spirit through His word says "For God sent not his son to condemn the world but that the world through Him might be saved."

I don't know about you, but my God is a lot of things.. One thing He is MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE is a God of Love. He LOVES ME. He loves me when I make mistakes. He loves me when my heart is broke. He loves me when I'm helpless and despairing. He loves me when I'm alone and I don't know what to do. My parents didn't love me like that. My first wife didn't love me like that. No one CAN love me like that, EXCEPT GOD ! YAY !

As far as forgiveness goes. We do not forgive the other person so they get to go on in their sinful ways "scott-free".
We forgive the other person so that WE can be set free. So that our right standing with God can be re-stored and nothing hinders our communication with the Holy Spirit. I've been taught that forgiving is not the same as forgetting and that forgiveness is a process. For example if I was abused as a young person. I need to forgive that person. I do so in faith, out of obedience to God. But when I do so more than likely I won't FORGET. My soul will carry the trauma of the abuser in it for quite some time, BUT...by me forgiving (releasing) that person to the best of my ability God is free to continue the healing process in me. The healing process may continue for some time and along the way it is likely that I will be able to forgive the person again with more of my feelings in agreement with the forgiveness as my own healing has come. By starting out "running only on obedience" this opens the door to the healing process and a deeper "experience" of forgiving the person as the healing continues.

Not sure how well I'm doing at expressing all that but I trust God will speak to you and help you see what is useful for you and leave the rest.

So proud of you for picking up these journal steps and persevering...Keep going sister. You're doing great !
Jamie

[dema]

Great answer, Jamie.

Forgiveness is letting go. You can look it up in dictionaries, it might help. It is giving back to God what was God's all along. Forgiveness is not staying in a bad marriage. Please read the Divorce study on this site. It is good and loving. Forgiveness is NOT continuing to be abused or to be hurt. Forgiveness is often misunderstood.

If someone was to rob you - you would go to the police. And then, afterward, you would hopefully let it go. You would let the court system handle the punishment. You wouldn't go get a posse and kill the robber yourself. You also wouldn't just say, "Oh, I have to forgive", and fail to report the robbery.

Forgiveness is about resentment and grudges and other feelings that hurt you - let those go. But take care of yourself. Pray about what you should do with your marriage. And if he won't change and you get divorced, forgive by letting it all go. Start fresh. Remember the blood of the lamb is to wash you clean from all unrighteousness.

And please do read the study. It is very loving.

Hugs.

[asunder]

Dema; Jamie808:

Thank you for your love and encouragement. I have read the divorce study here, yes it is well written and did give me peace.
I have started classes (college) and am now submerged in studies and homework. I haven't had time to stop. My heart is overwhelmingly heavy with regards to this divorce. What I know and what is are my battle. My brother recently contacted me and in his words, "tell the devil to leave you alone." - subject of forgiveness and guilt.

As God would have it and in God's sense of humor, my estranged husband filled out the papers wrong therefore he and his life will have to wait the year before he will be free to "remarry" If he had done the filing correctly we could be divorced on this hearing. God is in control, not us. Needed prayers for strength at this hearing - Sept 4.

I'm not in a hurry to get on with my life as he is. God just says, Ah ha and he has the last laugh. As we all know, a lot can happen in a years time. I honestly believe my estranged husband's mind has been given over to the reprobate mind. This time will also be the time I may need with God to teach me and guide me. Our time is not God's time, so will pray earnestly about this.
While talking with God the other day, I told him that every time I think of my husband it will be turned over to praying for him. I know the thoughts and discouragement are of the devil, better to fight back with prayer and that is what I do. I have also asked God to help me and show me how to forgive, just as he has forgiven me. Yes, even for the hurt of the divorce.
Thank you again, In Christ