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I know Grace is real and that Christ is my only hope. I do repent of my sins and know also that they are far removed from me. I have been in a state of Grace for many years. But now in my garden is someone that honestly, I do not want to put down. The man I am seeing is divorced, however we are not married nor do I want to be married to him. Does grace cover this? Like the woman at the well... Jesus now easily says to me "and the man you are now with is not your husband." When I began this study, I had put him (this man) out of my life and was feeling the old illness of co-dependence creeping in. I have been alone for so long.... even in my marriage to an alcoholic I was alone. Now comes this person who is gentle and caring, attentive and present......companionship and physical affection all "things" I by WILL do not want to put away. So the enemy has trapped me again.......and I am caught between knowing that the rest of my life lived in Christ by the letter of the law will result in loneliness and empty years as far as physical companionship, or I continue sinning with this man with the shadow of guilt tarnishing all Grace afforded me by my Lord. When I write these things... the choice seems easy. But it is not. Not at all and to tell the truth, to even think of it sends me into great sorrow, not joy. To put this man out of my life and take up the cross again does not seem like it will make any difference in the kingdom. One foot after the other... praying daily. Hoping. I just don't understand the divine working in this at all.

Hello Wellswimmer

God bless you this day.

I have been praying for you -- praying to our Lord in the name of Jesus. May God's will be done.

I just wanted to comment on a couple things you shared, if I may:

You said:

and I am caught between knowing that the rest of my life lived in Christ by the letter of the law will result in loneliness and empty years as far as physical companionship, or I continue sinning with this man with the shadow of guilt tarnishing all Grace afforded me by my Lord.

I can't receive the idea that the grace of our Lord is that fragile -- in that anything can tarnish it -- unless within our own minds. And if it is within our own minds, there lies the problem...we may then choose to wander further away because we no longer want to sense the gentle nudging of The Holy Spirit.

None of us is without sin. We are sinners saved by grace.
I John 1:8-10
(8)If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.
(9)If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
(10)If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His Word is not in us.

And, no, I'm not trying to suggest that we can wiggle our way around willful sin, because that is simply not the case. I know of no one, save Jesus Christ Himself, that has no sin within their present life here on this globe, because we still have this flesh.

I, too, reference Romans Chapter 7 and 8, as you did in a previous post. God's Word is Good!

Wellswimmer, I truly want to encourage you to continue seeking The Lord with all your heart, because The Holy Spirit continues to do a work in you. The Lord loves you, Wellswimmer.

You said:

To put this man out of my life and take up the cross again does not seem like it will make any difference in the kingdom.

The Kingdom of God is within you.
Luke 17:20-21
(20) And when He was demanded of the Pharisees, when the kingdom of God should come, He answered them and said, The kingdom of God cometh not with observation:
(21) Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you.

Note: emphasis (bold) added by Mack.

So, Wellswimmer, you continue taking up your cross, because it does make a difference -- because He, The Lord, makes a difference. The Lord indwells you, and He will complete the good work that He has begun in you.

I hope you will continue reading the stepping stones in the 14 Day CCCC Study, and that you will continue seeking The Lord with all your heart, knowing He loves you and He is faithful, even when we are not. We all NEED The Lord, so do not hide from Him. Jesus loves you.

Hugs (((hugs))) to you, dear sister in Christ.

Prayers continue to rise to our Lord in the name of Jesus on your behalf. May God's blessed will be done.

God bless and keep you, Wellswimmer.
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack

Hello Wellswimmer,
I am touched by the truth you bare in ur msgs. I've lived in this same place. It was a very challenging place in my journey so I relate to u very much. To me it was a process of "wrestling with God" if I may so. God knew my needs, my struggles, my hurts, my loneliness, anger etc. God has made us to be spiritual beings and has called us to holiness - nothing can deny this destiny for our souls... "He who has begun a good work in you will complete it." The choices you and I make and the struggles we go through is "the work" part I guess.

Isn't it great that we have a God who has emotions. He gets us emotionally more than we get ourselves - my opinion.
Personally, I think the best thing u are doing is sharing your struggle out loud. The enemy loves darkness. You are exposing your struggle to the light....See I Jn 1:7 to see that His Son purifies us from all sin when we walk in the light.
Also, when I was struggling in a similar way as you, I found that sometimes I felt I should keep the struggle to myself, because no one would understand anyway ! To be sure I needed to be discreet with who I shared things with but the Bible also says "If we confess our sins to one another, we will be healed - James 5:16. How bout that ? Isn't it crazy how in the midst of ur struggle you are in many ways working through it just as He would suggest.

I am grateful that my God is authentic and genuine and wants to hear my cries as I agonize over things I can not solve or understand..."Draw near to Him and He will draw near to you." Keep asking...keep knocking....keep seeking. More will be revealed one day at a time.

So glad ur hear sister...I'll watch for further posts from u as u continue on with the study. Press on ! Blessings await !

Your Brother in the Lord
Jamie

THANK you. To both who responded in love and truth. As I type this tears are streaming because I feel open and understood and there is so much genuine caring in your kind prayers and words. I will continue on this path. And I ask GOD to bless you for your ministry to me. Sincerely and in humility... thank you again.