Christianity Oasis Forum

[praisedancer48]

well I've just finished step 2 and while initally I might want to cry, it is ok. I'm just well kinda shook each time because I am able to just take in and not always interupting as is a tendency of mine when I get nervous and have felt in the past that I wasn't heard. I have been blaming myself and the truth is that I know about Spiritual warefare and don't always like the consistant fighting. Now I am beginning to realized that I just need to read and really take in the truths and basic things that are being expunded upon.
To be honest, I'm still having a tough time staying in the word of God and consistant with these. The studies of what I've seen are the meat of the word of God and I just have to take my time and not rush it. With all this said I'm so excited at the fact that I can grow and have to just listen, it is so awesome. The topic included to let go and let God, the garden and weeding.
I've been ashamed of my past and willingness to just let it go and allow God to handle problems with out me putting my hands back on them... antcy hands . I've been hit by God with a nice 2x4 and the truths that I've heard that I have done nothing about.
It is time for me to start to see the lies in my life for what they are... lies to pull me down and not build me up. I know some of them, yet many of them are still very much buryed under things I would refuse in the past to address. I've gotten so comfortable in the lies and the pain that I really am just learning to not overthink it and be angry at others for asking because when they ask, they are just concerned. I've gotten so used to lies that I just don't want to continueously fight them when I've been the only one I know of who wants change in the family. I've learned a little of when certain people lie to me and others they can just lie through their teeth and I don't always know if they are sincere.
I have a church family who love me and are continuely praying for me and have loved me in the worst times and the best and for that I know I'm blessed and know not everyone has the support system of people who will loving support them. With this said, I don't know really how to live in a place alone or in safety without negativity.
Some of this locked up emotion is just about to burst and I'm sure it's not the type of emotion people should see and/or if it is ok to allow people to just see me for me- I'm not sure this is a lie but my the looks of it, I am wanting to say yes and no at the same time.

To those out there reading this, would you please pray for me. all your prayers and positive feed back would greatly help and encourage me more than you could ever imagine.

[dema]

If you were hurt as a child, then that was like being in a bad car accident as a child. If you went to the doctor and had surgery and got your bones set, then you probably have faint little scars that you can show people if and only if you want to do so. But if you were hurt as a child and you never talked about it, wept over it and got good and angry for weeks over it - then that is like praying over a crushed arm and then getting mad at God that it didn't heal right. The fact that you can use it at all is a miracle.

The good news is that you can operate on the emotional stuff. And you can get better.

I am certain, that it is impossible to forgive properly while you are still denying the extent of the injury.

It wasn't your fault. Whatever happened in your childhood was inherently and totally not your fault. If you are believing it was, then your forgiveness is half way. Because you aren't forgiving him for what he really did. Or her. Or them.

Your emotions need to be acknowledged. You didn't want to. You were little, children are supposed to obey, nobody wanted to hear you, and it hurt. It hurt you deep in your soul.

It hurt really, really bad and how could he be so mean? How could he not care?

Most abusers are narcissists. They only care about their own fulfillment. Nobody else matters at all. He won't care if you forgive him. Or she. Won't care. Emotionally, they have anger and some other primitive emotions, but they don't have empathy. If they did, they couldn't do this.

But, forgiving is for YOU. It is you giving back to God what is God's.

Write again and I will say more. I wrote this to you, but I think there are many people who need to hear it again and again - so I am posting it. Hugs.