Stepping Stone One~
Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 12:09 amHello family,
I found my way to this site and decided after reading several different areas, that I would have nothing to loose to work at this journal & help. I am no stranger to step counseling (which has been successful by the way). But this is new for me here, so I'd like to give it a try.
I'm just going to open up and say all this that I need prayer for, and I pray that you will walk with me through all this. Last December 29th, I married a man who pretended to be what he is not. He seemed laid back, calm, considerate... it was all an act. He was horribly abusive and I was blessed to leave alive as he tried to strangle me, tried to break my neck, broke 3 ribs & my shoulder blade and many bruises physically and emotionally. I forgive him, but I am fearful of being around him. I left him and he filed for divorce. He was my 4th divorce. I had red flags before I married him, but I took them to a friend who knew him longer than I did, (I knew him 10 years, she knew him 23 years) and she said I was wrong that he was no threat. It was my fault, I should have listened to the red flags the Lord gave me. They were my red flags from the Holy Spirit.
I have learned my lesson on that one. The other three marriages were ones that my husbands in them were not faithful. First husband with several of my best friends and many other girls, the second husband fell in love with his female boss, and the third husband was seeking out prostitutes (addicted to that lifestyle) and had been living that way long before we were married but I didn't know it.
What I can say, is that NONE of the marriages had God at the Center or the Head of the marriage. I wanted that, but it just never happened. Now I am trying to build a stronger relationship like I used to have with God because I really miss it. I have tried & tried to gain that relationship back but I just can't seem to get there.
I go to a church I love every week possible. I do service work to help women to recover from alcohol and drugs and I work closely with quite a few of them, guiding them to rebuild their lives. I take care of my 17 month old grandson as my daytime job, which doesn't pay a lot in finances, but he had a babysitter that was leaving him with nightmares and him screaming in the middle of the night. Now he is better adjusted. As soon as he is potty trained, he can begin preschool and I will go back to work again.
There was a woman who was like a mother to me (my own mother died when I was 39) but when I refused to give her information she could use for gossip about the girls I help, she became angry and shut that door. I forgive her but I am not going to give her information for gossip. I fell into that trap with her before and I promised myself I wouldn't do that anymore.
I would very much like to have back the relationship I had with God when I was in my 20's. I DO love God with all my heart & soul, but my relationship with Him was exuberant before. I was ON FIRE for God before and I want that back. I still pray to Him daily several times and sometimes all day like before. I see so many things He does for me that the tears of gratitude roll like the overflowing well. I feel the Holy Spirit around me and I know that God is there. I have dreams that come true (I have had these kinds of dreams since I was a very little girl). But that exuberance is missing. I want it back.
Thanks to our LORD, I have overcome alcoholism, drugs, promiscuity, (I still battle lust of the mind & the repercussions of it), I struggle with my weight and sugar addictions (I'd like to loose 20 lbs), I am trying to overcome depression & procrastination (maybe from depression from the trauma of the abusive marriage?)
I'd like God's financial blessings so that I can help others, and for His leading in my life that I could live a life that is pleasing to him.
Okay, I've rambled long enough for day 1 and that is what I need prayer for. I am sorry it's so long. Thank you for staying with me through it. I appreciate it. I wish God's blessing upon you and I will include this site in my prayers tonight.
In Christian love,
your new sister. ((((hugs))))
I found my way to this site and decided after reading several different areas, that I would have nothing to loose to work at this journal & help. I am no stranger to step counseling (which has been successful by the way). But this is new for me here, so I'd like to give it a try.
I'm just going to open up and say all this that I need prayer for, and I pray that you will walk with me through all this. Last December 29th, I married a man who pretended to be what he is not. He seemed laid back, calm, considerate... it was all an act. He was horribly abusive and I was blessed to leave alive as he tried to strangle me, tried to break my neck, broke 3 ribs & my shoulder blade and many bruises physically and emotionally. I forgive him, but I am fearful of being around him. I left him and he filed for divorce. He was my 4th divorce. I had red flags before I married him, but I took them to a friend who knew him longer than I did, (I knew him 10 years, she knew him 23 years) and she said I was wrong that he was no threat. It was my fault, I should have listened to the red flags the Lord gave me. They were my red flags from the Holy Spirit.
I have learned my lesson on that one. The other three marriages were ones that my husbands in them were not faithful. First husband with several of my best friends and many other girls, the second husband fell in love with his female boss, and the third husband was seeking out prostitutes (addicted to that lifestyle) and had been living that way long before we were married but I didn't know it.
What I can say, is that NONE of the marriages had God at the Center or the Head of the marriage. I wanted that, but it just never happened. Now I am trying to build a stronger relationship like I used to have with God because I really miss it. I have tried & tried to gain that relationship back but I just can't seem to get there.
I go to a church I love every week possible. I do service work to help women to recover from alcohol and drugs and I work closely with quite a few of them, guiding them to rebuild their lives. I take care of my 17 month old grandson as my daytime job, which doesn't pay a lot in finances, but he had a babysitter that was leaving him with nightmares and him screaming in the middle of the night. Now he is better adjusted. As soon as he is potty trained, he can begin preschool and I will go back to work again.
There was a woman who was like a mother to me (my own mother died when I was 39) but when I refused to give her information she could use for gossip about the girls I help, she became angry and shut that door. I forgive her but I am not going to give her information for gossip. I fell into that trap with her before and I promised myself I wouldn't do that anymore.
I would very much like to have back the relationship I had with God when I was in my 20's. I DO love God with all my heart & soul, but my relationship with Him was exuberant before. I was ON FIRE for God before and I want that back. I still pray to Him daily several times and sometimes all day like before. I see so many things He does for me that the tears of gratitude roll like the overflowing well. I feel the Holy Spirit around me and I know that God is there. I have dreams that come true (I have had these kinds of dreams since I was a very little girl). But that exuberance is missing. I want it back.
Thanks to our LORD, I have overcome alcoholism, drugs, promiscuity, (I still battle lust of the mind & the repercussions of it), I struggle with my weight and sugar addictions (I'd like to loose 20 lbs), I am trying to overcome depression & procrastination (maybe from depression from the trauma of the abusive marriage?)
I'd like God's financial blessings so that I can help others, and for His leading in my life that I could live a life that is pleasing to him.
Okay, I've rambled long enough for day 1 and that is what I need prayer for. I am sorry it's so long. Thank you for staying with me through it. I appreciate it. I wish God's blessing upon you and I will include this site in my prayers tonight.
In Christian love,
your new sister. ((((hugs))))
