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Will I be able to forgive myself for not experiencing this exercise sooner?

Forgiveness has definitely been an abstract concept for me to grasp. Many of the softer levels of forgiveness mentioned in today's bullets parallel my acts of forgiveness. "I'll forgive you, but things will never be the same with us." or "I'll forgive you, but we may need to revisit this event." Ultimately, my acts of forgiveness came down to the model of superficial forgiveness instead of genuine forgiveness that Christ instructs us to demonstrate.

When God asks for our life, I realized He meant it. I've given God my Sabbath, my devotional time, Christian teachings to my children... everything except my thoughts. I acted cordial to others especially my mother-in-law, but in the back of my mind my thoughts were, "How dare you yell at me like that back in 2009!" I believed forgiveness would lead to weakness.

It's amazing how God finds a way to take what we hold back. I think God wanted me to experience forgiveness through my current hostile situation with my in laws. God gave me 3 years to forgive my MIL. I rolled my eyes and carried my set of excuses. Recently, after I apologized for confronting my MIL, my FIL reprimanded me saying, "Your behavior is an insult to your mother! We'll never forget what you've done. We can forgive, but we'll never forget." I held my tongue. My immediate prayer was for a divorce. Why must I go through this? Why must I be subject to their criticisms on a weekly basis? We're adults, we're parents. Why can't we have boundaries? God, these people are insane!

So, I took a step back from my reconciliation with inlaws. I sent them an email days after my apology stating that they are calling me a liar because they have forgotten their wrongdoings and they are calling me "crazy" for reacting to their behavior towards me. A thought just came to my mind. Insanity may be a reference to a condition when a person deviates from expectations of others. God has put me in a place where I am measured by my own standards due to my inability to forgive others. GOD, YOU WIN! LORD, YOU REIGN!

Now, where do I go from here? I feel guilty for stirring up trouble with in-laws. It was always expected of me to be complacent and compliant with the matriarch. I rejected God's orders to forgive and love. I took matters into my own hand. Lord, please remove my guilt and allow me into your path. This hostility may seem pleasant, but when Your love is absent in our relationships it is not Your will. Lord, You make all things beautiful in Your time. Restore peace within us. Thank you for the cross. Thank you for this great lesson of ultimate forgiveness.Thank you for revealing yourself in this madness.

Hi itsjanet, True forgiveness is more for you than it is for them. Many years ago me and my family left a very bad church situation. I'll not go into details, but it was cult like in the control the pastor wanted. The lies and accusations were horrible. When I first heard about them, I asked someone to tell this pastor what was going on. I did not believe that he would have allowed this to go on in his church, but he was the source of them. After many years of unforgiveness in my life, I came across him in a meeting. I hugged his neck and asked for his forgiveness. I told him I was sorry for the past. An absolute sense of peace and God's love filled my heart, it was amazing. He never apologized for what he had done or even acknowledged it. IT DID NOT MATTER, WHAT I EXPERIENCED FROM GOD WAS WORTH ANY PRICE I COULD PAY. People familier with what had happened were shocked. They said it should have been him that apologized, he was the one who attacked me and my family. There are some who tried to bring up the past, BUT I WILL NOT ALLOW ANYONE TO ROB ME OF WHAT I HAD EXPERIENCED. He died 8 months after I apologized. I am thankful God allowed me to experience Him and His forgiveness. Janet, its more about what God is doing in YOUR LIFE than what your inlaws say or do. Forgiveness isn't cheap, LOOK WHAT IT COST CHRIST. It's not easy, but it's worth it. God has a plan for your life, and He wants to remove every obstacle that hinders it. Luke 9:23 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. Janet, God want's the best for your life. Thank you for sharing this situation. As I read it, I remember the past and what my Father did. But now as I look at my life, and I have some cleaning up (forgiveness) to give. Not anything major( mostly attitude ), but for Him to complete His plan for life I must obey. GBU Jimf

Hello, Jimf. Thank you for your sharing what God has put in your heart. I am getting this an idea that forgiveness would not happen ideally as I imagine. You've confirmed that "it does not matter." It'll take a little time for this to sink in my head. I'll pray about it. I am starting to see that when we follow God, He doesn't place us in a "Christian bubble." Perhaps God asks us to change to equip us better for this world. Would God ask us to deviate from social standards as well? Even if we have some understanding of right and wrong, would God tell us it doesn't matter? What if history repeats itself after the reconciliation?

Sorry, I don't mean to frustrate the compassionate prayer warriors here. I'm struggling with God.

Hi itsjanet, Your question "What if history repeats itself after the reconciliation"? When God is truly working in an individual, history can repeat itself until God's work is finished. Abraham couldn't trust God with his family. He denied Sarah was his wife twice , claimed she was his sister both times because he was afraid he would be killed. It was almost identical situations. Finally when asked to sacrifice his son Issaac, He trusted God that no matter what happened or even if he sacrificed his son, that Issaac would live. We don't always understand God's ways, BUT HE HAS GOT A GREAT TRACK RECORD. I've been bringing my past up, so please forgive me and tolerate it a little more. 20 years ago the company I work for was going to have a major layoff. I stressed and worried and whined to anyone who would listen. Finally a friend of mine could not stand it anymore and told me. I have no doubt you are a christian and you believe in God. Why can't you trust Him to take care of you. I was so embarrassed and ashamed. Why didn't I trust Him, why did I whimper and whine. For 6 years I lived embarrassed by the fact my testimony of my trust in Him was so pathetic. Lord I wish that I could relive that situation, take my shame away. Finally another major layoff came and my chance came. I wasn't going to get layed off, but that wasn't good enough. I volunteered for the layoff. God gave me a plan for a business and for 10 years we did very well and finally sold our store 3 years ago. After a year and a half I went back to my job and now had 2 good sources of income and I lost the shame I had for not trusting Him. I hope that you don't think I am bragging, but I have failed Him a number of times and He has always given me a second chance. Janet, I am not trying to discourage you but I think history WILL repeat itself. God has an awesome plan for your life. He's to good to let you settle for anything but the very best for your life. Trials tend to bring out the best in us, even if it takes a few times to get it right. 2 Cor 5:21 God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. A godly life is not always easy, but you can do it. Forgive my long winded reply. I'm praying for you Jimf

Hello Itsjanet

God bless you this day.

You've received blessed advice here. God is so very Good!!!

I only wanted to add the following: history may repeat itself, and you will be better prepared the next time, to respond in a way that represents Jesus!!! And, even if, you are caught off guard (blindsided) and maybe don't...you'll continue to grow as long as you sorrow unto repentence, then move forward in Christ. Grace! Grace!! Grace!!!

II Corinthians 7:10 For godly sorrow worketh repentence to salvation not to be repented [regretted] of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.

Note: emphasis in brackets [] added by Mack

Matthew 18 21-22 Then came Peter to Him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.


Lamentations 3:22-23 It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is Thy faithfulness.

Since God's mercies and compassions are new every morning, that would tell me that the 70 x 7 forgiveness standard by which we are to forgive another is daily, if need be.

Bless Peter's soul, I just love the examples of those recorded in The Bible, of our brothers and sisters who walked before us. I can relate to Peter. I do believe Peter thought himself as being generous when he said 7 times. But, God is so much more generous and patient and loving. Thank You Lord for the instructions, and for inspiring us to reach higher...to reach for You. We NEED You, Lord \o/ \o/ \o/

Prayers continue to rise to our Lord in the name of Jesus on your behalf, Itsjanet. May God's blessed will be done.

God bless and keep you.
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack

To Jimf: Thank you for your dedication to God. Thank you for sharing your testimony. I've been thinking about your post last night and Psalms 23 comes to my mind. "The Lord is my Shepherd. I shall not want. He maketh me lie down in green pastures. He leadeth me besides the still waters. He restoreth my soul in the path of righteousness for his name sake. Yea thou I lay by the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil for thou art with me." Now, I pray that this familiar verse comes true to my heart. I know God wants me to get right with him for my own sake, but I would also like to adjust my heart accordingly so that I can lead my kids. I see that you, Jimf, are a true Christian. I've been playing the part, but I also need to realign my mind and heart to be free of want.

To Mackenaw: I also would like to thank you for your persistent encouragement in the Word. This morning as I was preparing to start the day, the tune, "His mercies are new every morning, new every morning, new every morning" was resonating in my head. Now, from your post, I realize that it's from Lamenations 3:23.

To both: When there have been doubts, God used you to communicate and confirm the voice of the Holy Spirit.
To everyone reading this: Have a great day! I'm trying to get out of discouragement, but I'll try to be your encouragement. I think it's about getting down to basics.