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A friend recommended this site. I hesitated, but now I feel desperate. 14 days to make a difference? Ok. Here's day 1:

I've been holding grudges all my life. I have accepted that this is my way of life. My mentor is the fictional character, Michael Corleon from Godfather. I've held resentment against my mother-in-law for throwing a tantrum with me... Yelling at me for not showing up to meet her sister-in-laws' sister. This was almost 3 years ago. I had my set of reasons of my I couldn't attend. She didn't care. I fought with my husband about his mother's behavior since then. He constantly told me to forgive, don't poison my heart. Forget about what she did. "What would Jesus do?" is what he asked.

I was disturbed by him. He's not taking my side. He is constantly entertaining his mother's tantrums. Trying his best to appease her. I can't live my life in fear of her. I want to run my life my way. His mother was bothered by my wall that I built between us. She wanted to break it all down. She told us that she's not happy. My husband yelled at me about how I went too far cause his mom is not happy. He called for a meeting. We argued. My in-laws think I went too far in talking about my issues with them. I raised my voice with them. They believe I crossed the line.

Now, my in-laws and I aren't talking. My husband feels that his life is turned upside down. He feels that he has been forced to choose his wife and kids over his parents. There's hostility in our family. I feel that I took this too far. If only I trusted God when He asked me to forgive and move on. Why did I choose Justice over Jesus? I rejected Jesus' power to teach me to forgive and love one another. Now, God has revealed to me that my stubborn heart has taken me to disaster. How to I overcome this? My inability to overlook my mother-in-law's idiosyncrasies has caused great pain and tension. I should have asked God for wisdom and strength instead of challenging Him with another approach.

Now, God, can this pain be healed with your love? Can you change my heart? Can you change the heart of my in-laws? Aren't you the Prince of Peace? God of Love? As many historic wars have been over trivial issues such as the love of a woman, salt, oil, and more square footage, this war was about control and hostility. Lord, this is a disaster. Please lead the way. Forgive my foolishness. Heal my anxiety with faith in your power and love. ~in Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Don't be scared by his mother. She gave up the 'right' to him when you married. Who cares if she isn't happy? It's between you and the guy you married. You never 'crossed the line' by opening your mouth either, some people need to be told. In the most forward of ways.

It sounds to me like your husband cares more for his own family than he does his own. If the 'hostility' is being caused by him, pray God gives you another way.

God will help you if you pray, ask and trust him. I'll pray for you and your husband. God bless.

itsjanet, I have read and reread your post. I would like to share with you from God's word and unfortunetly there could be some "ADVICE" from me. Be leary about any and all advice. Pray, and ask Holy Spirit about it. If you have "NO PEACE" about it , "YOU MUSY IGNORE IT". You wrote, "There's hostility in our family. I feel that I took this too far. If only I trusted God when He asked me to forgive and move on. Why did I choose Justice over Jesus? I rejected Jesus' power to teach me to forgive and love one another. Now, God has revealed to me that my stubborn heart has taken me to disaster". How to I overcome this? Matt 5:9 Blessed are the peacemakers,for they will be called children of God.
I sense a true desire within you for peace, but sometimes peace comes with a cost. COULD YOU ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR THIS ? An innocent ONE died for our sins, sometimes He ask us to do "hard things ". Col 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Rom 12:18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. It will not be easy, but could you go to your mother in law and ask for her forgiveness ? It's like the innocent one dying for the guilty. Tell her you will do everything possible to repair bridges and bring Peace to this family. Peace will bless everyone in this situation (including your children). Heb 12:2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the JOY set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Whether they receive your offering of peace or not, YOU WILL HAVE MADE YOUR LORD PROUD. Innocent dying for the guilty. He knows what its like. Luke 9:23 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. Crosses are not easy to bear, but then nether is conflict within a family. 2 Cor 5:21 God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. This is not the worlds way of doing things, but He is our example. I am praying for you and your family. IF YOU DO NOT RECEIVE PEACE BY WHAT YOU HAVE READ "PLEASE IGNORE". 2 Thess 3:16 Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you. GBU Jimf

Hello itsjanet,
Bless you for sharing so Honestly. As I read your post I felt the desperation of your Prayer at the end, and the Lord answers prayer, Psalm 34:18 The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.
Psalm 51:17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
I think you are not totally to blame here but obviously we can only be accountable for our own mistakes and faults and seek to mend our own ways. Trusting the Lord to work in the hearts of others that have also been hurt. So I think Jimf has written from the heart and prayerfully. So receive what the Lord has for you in these responses - continue to seek the Lord as your own heart seeks to do what the Lord wants, and we are praying with you for Peace and reconciliation and help. It can be amazing when one humbles oneself how others often melt toward one.
Every blessing,
Jedidiah.