Needing to Change Day 1
Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 12:43 pm
I have recently come to grips with the fact that I really do not like myself. I have suffered through a lot of health problems, marital/relationship issues, financial problems, and all of the day to day stress and frustration that we all have to deal with. Through out the past several years, I have made some very bad choices in how to deal with them. I lost my faith approximately 10 years ago and began hating the world due to some horrible things I experienced. Luckily, I had people around me that cared about me and continued to help me through even when I know I was unbearable. I was baptized around 4 years ago and have been on a roller coaster of faith and how to behave since that time. I have finally admitted to myself that I am addicted to pain medication and have been for quite some time. If I didnt have any, I recently got to where I was taking my husband's. I feel like I have become a worthless human being and honestly would be happy not to exist anymore. I am on day 3 of not taking any pain medication. I feel anxious, uneasy, exhausted, tearful and hate the person I have become. I want to be the best Christian wife, mother and woman that I can possibly be, and am having a very hard time getting there. I dont want to be angry and negative anymore. I want to see the positive in things and finally understand that I am not the one in control. I need all the prayers and help I can get.