day 1
Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 5:30 pmso whats going on with me today? I'm just so emotional, especially when it comes to my husband. we've been together since 1990 and married in 1997. we have 2 handsome young men, 9 & 12 years old. they are my life. my husband is away right now visiting his family because his mom had a heart attack. this might sound selfish but for some reason i've been upset at my hubby since he left. it's just a lot of little things that add up that get to me. I tend to let all that stuff build, and build and build and then i explode. I carry a lot of old wounds with me and i cant seem to let go of them. i tell myself, what the hell is wrong with you? why do you let it get to you? and I can never answer that question. two years ago my husband was away for work and I caught him talking to his old girlfriend from high school(20+ years ago) on FB. he talked about how he fell in love with her back then and how beautiful she was. that hurt me so bad. I said i forgave him for that but i dont think i really did. there's just a little part of me that doesnt completely trust him anymore. i love him but i dont know how to move on from that. i dont bring that up but i do pick on little stuff that he does that annoy me, but i know deep down inside it probably stems from that. i feel like he doesnt put me and my boys first on his list of priorities. i guess i expect a husband to be a certain way and he's not that way. for example: its 12:24pm right now and he has not called me. he forgets to call his boys to tell them hi, or goodnight, nothing. i have to scold him and remind him that he has a family here too. I totally understand his mother is not doing well but dont forget us, how hard is it to make a 5 min. phone call to your kids? idk, am i being ridiculous? i feel guilty because im upset with him especially because his mom is lying in the hospital. i want him to call but i dont want to talk to him because im probably going to start something. I'm so sad, mad, scared, confused, etc. with him and myself.
