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Day 2 - Step 2

I am at the end of my life as i have known it andthe end of my self(ish) lifestyle. I have been living a life of compromise, not being hot nor cold, with one foot in Jesus and the other in the pit of hell.
They say that 'walking by faith' is so hard because it does not support the flesh, how true this is. At this moment, I am facing my future without any physical security, ready to take a leap of faith into a future of Truth and Righteous living. To the world and the carnal mind, this is crazy. But it is really the only option I have, total dependance on God.
To be honest with myself, I am living in a Strange land, which is Belize, with a man who is not my husband, because his divorce isn't final in Belize it takes 3 years to get a divorce, and secondly he is not really a believer. How much compromise is that?? Is that really where Jesus wants me to return to at the end of August? Or, do i take the opportunity He has given me, that while I am visiting Tampa, get some good Christian support, turn my life around and stay here, focused only upon the Lord and not return to the place of convenience and compromise, because it supports my fleshly needs.
I already know the answer to this. Last night I stayed in my room that I am visiting, and had Christian Television on. A preacher from Bradenton Fl was on tv. At the end of his message, which was titled "Being led by the Lord", he looked directly into the camera and said "This is for someone who is facing a mountain, you are asking the Lord for a miracle and a sign, you need the Lord now and He is going to answer you, etc". The words this preacher spoke were the exact words I had asked the Lord for yesterday...Praise the Lord.
This morning I awoke and Joyce Meyers was on, the first words she spoke were these "You must leave your past behind in order to walk into the future that God has planned for you". I continued to watch Joyce speak and she said I must "Press into my future", even though I have no idea what God has for me. I loved the part she talked about when she said "In Gods economy there is no waste". Jesus took the fargments of the loaves and fishes, the unwanted parts and pieces and used them and multiplied them and used them to feed others". Halleujah and Amen to that. Okay god, use me, I am here fragmented and in pieces, I can't wait to see how you are going to fix this mess, but I am so glad you will. As a testamony right here and now, I am giving everything I have to you. Of course I am a little nervous, and unsure and there are moments that doubt tries to creep into my garden. But you are bigger then my thoughts and fears. You are the maker of Heaven and Earth and I know you are the keeper of my Life and Soul.
Lord I need a miracle today. I pray that you would direct my path and go before me. I trust you with my life and my girls. You are my refuge and my strength, I will hide in the shadow of your wings. I renounce Satan and come against any plans he has planned for my destruction. I am covered by the blood of Jesus. Thank You Lord for hearing my prayer, please make it clear what I am to do today ~ Your child Allison

hi! i was wondering if you love the man you.re with? where.s belize? Its really cool the heart you have for doing the right thing.

Hi Amy, I had to laugh when you asked me if I love the man I am with in Belize, yes I love him, but I love a lot of things that are not necessarily from God. It reminded of the country song "Everything I love is killing me", that is how I got into this mess. Anyhow, at this point I realize that I must give up my will and seek His will, then we will see where that takes me. God knows I have lived and done what I have wanted to do for way too long...God has brought me to this place of total dependency on Him. Thanks for your kind response.

Wow! I could feel your love for the lord in your writing. I agree with you in what you said about allowing God to use our fragments, I went through that same thing and I kept throwing away things about myself to be what I thought God and everyone wanted and I was keeping the things about myself and adding things that I thought was good. What I didn't relize is God can use anything within me even the things I try and throw away. I lost myself for awhile but God picked me up and recycled from the garbage everything I desposed of and it was then I reposed I have to allow God to throw away what he wants and to keep what he wants fr me and only then can I be all that I was designed to be. I said a prayer for you. God bless you. Your sister in christ
Crystal

what we usually want is never what we need for we do not know what we need exept focus on what we want. this is why the world is unhappy and diving into lust and entertainment for happiness, though it is only temporary. im glad you are holding onto to God and i hope you will be doing better in time