Christianity Oasis Forum

[Jesus4Life]

My Goodness, where and how does one begin to repair the rubble at 'ground zero'? If I were to be honest with myself, this is truly where I am, devestated by a life of wrong choices. Choices made out of FEAR and INSECURITY. Right now I am at a "Critical Crossroad" and I NEED THE LORD NOW! I have only a few short weeks to get a clear direction from the Lord. If I were to be honest with myself, I believe that I should stay in Tampa with my 12 year old daughter and my 14 year old daughter, instead of going back to Belize. (This is not a 'band-aid" fix, this is a complicated mess that the Lord understands and he will need to give clear instructions on how to untangle this mess).
To begin, I should state clearly the most important and urgent decisions that I need to make.
Background: My husband died in 1998, at that time I had two daughters who were 2 1/2 and 1 year old. Operating out of fear and insecurity, I met a man and we have a daughter, she is now 12 years old. We were never married and we have had a really co-dependant relationship. During our entire relationship he constantly lied to me about almost everything, I stayed and overlooked so many issues, because I depended on him, I didn't want to be alone, he provided a lot of material security for me and my three daughters. The trade off was that we were 'his family' and he could do whatever he wanted with whomever he wanted, when he wanted to do it.
I read a passage in the bible about the "weak willed woman" Boy was that me!! However, in 2009 I made a huge decision and packed up my two daughters "A & M" who were 10 and 12 years at the time and we moved to Belize. My oldest daughter "S" stayed in the States with our family friend, all has worked out for her.
In 2009 I was really overweight, high blood pressure and on prozac, with fear and anxiety...I was living a nightmare, barely surviving emotionally. Anyhow, we moved to Belize and I found myself again.
In 2010, I let my youngest daughter "A" move back to the States and live with her dad, the same person whom iI left. He really has turned out to be a good dad for our daughter, but things are changing in his life, which is causing me to make the decision to move back to Tampa and take care of my daughter.
Lets call the dad "Sam". "Sam" is 65years old, is a workaholic and about ready to loose his job and his mind from the stress.
Last week my daughter "M" and I came to Tampa for a three week vacation. However, even before coming here, I was beginning to feel I needed to return and have my daughters together and I needed to be the Mom that the Lord wants me to be. Problem is this...where would I stay? Yes, I do have income but not a lot. I am sure I could stay here with "Sam" and my daughter "A", then me and daughter "M' would all be together.
At this point this is where the LORD has to intervene and give me clear direction. I am seeking the Lord with all of my heart. I am willing and ready to come to the end of Myself. I am starting with this stepping stone #1.
Today, this is just the beginning and I thank GOD I have found this site. Until tomorrow, walk in Him.