Day Four of my Path in CCCC
Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2012 10:49 am
I am starting to see some of the roots of my problems. Being around people brings out those problems in your mind. I had a good time seeing my family yesterday and I am glad that I got to see them again. Being around them for a while and seeing and hearing where they are in life, brought a lot things in my own heart to light. I have a lot of growing to do. I struggle with being judgmental, but yesterday I took a step toward deliverance from it. Today thinking some things through though were troubling me. I did my best to not judge them and react to the beer and cigarettes and profanity and all that stuff that comes with living as the world, but in my conscience during my encounters with them and even today I struggle with not being judgmental but seeking ways to share truth about Jesus. And then my issue with rejection and people pleasing or tolerating things that people do or are doing that hurt me were coming to the surface today. I love my family but I know that truly loving them requires me to live truthfully among them even when they don't want to hear it and I am struggling with that and not feeling as if I'm being judgmental. I think I put too much pressure on my own conscience because of the way that I want to appear to people and it's coming to light. I realize this is good, but something has to change in me soon. I want to be real and sometimes I feel like I'm being fake with people when I don't talk to them about Jesus because of my fear of being perceived as religious. I am so struggling with this in all areas now. It's in me somehow that I must share Jesus with people, but in my mind I deal with the rejection and fear of how they will perceive me. It's gonna change, I'm gonna get this right.