Day One on my Path through Counseling
Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 12:04 pm
The days have been long and hard. My life is in constant transition; the only constant thing I know is the love of God. When I go to pray, sometimes I find the words to speak before Him but more often than not there are very few words. I am thankful and I do know that He is working in my life. I just am struggling with this terrible feeling on the inside... I live with roommates who do not clean as much as our apartment calls for. Having a clean and comfortable living situation is so important to me.They are lovable roommates and young women but dealing with their lack of cleanliness is enough to make me cry sometimes because I don't want to complain. Often times I just suck it up and clean up what I find to be a mess, but it ends up bothering me. And when I see them, I end trying to set aside my feelings without expressing frustration or showing signs of irritability. And on top of that, when we are out of a household product it seems as if no one cares to take any initiative to replace the product. For the last major household items we've needed, I've been the one to go out and replace the items. One of the roommates is engaged and often has her fiance come over. When he is over, she often forgets to let us know ahead of time that he's coming over and so I'll come in and have to maneuver around the apartment. She often tries to involve me in what they are doing, but inwardly I struggle with this. I'm moving next weekend and I am struggling with where to hold my belongings, let alone where I will end up staying for 6 days as my new apartment won't be ready for move in until the 26th of August. On top of all this though I feel that I need some time alone but yet I desire to be alone, I know that I struggle with loneliness. Friends that I have don't pick up their phones or return calls when you call them and leave them messages. Mom and dad live a while away and my volunteer service with AmeriCorps is very un-fulfilling. I try soooooooooooooooo hard not to be one to complain, but things are getting the best of me and I can't hold it in. I need the Lord to step in and do some things or to strengthen me with the ability to do them.