Christianity Oasis Member Forum & Chat Room

Although I read and accomplished my stepping stone 12 I did not have time last night to write in my Journal.

My husband was over last night because he was closing at his job and I had our son. Our sons bed time is 9:00 and my husband didn't get off till 9:45 and they both had to be up early in the morning. Let me tell you exciting I am when those days occur. It was a good night, we laughed, we talked, he smiled ( I love it when he smiles) we watched T.V. and then we went to bed... my son and I on a blow up mattress that I made a tent with Christmas lights on the top for him and then my husband slept on the Twin bed that is in the same room. I felt good just to hear him breath. I laid awake for awhile... just to hear him. I felt at peace, I felt at home, I felt amazing. But I woke up and he and my son were gone and I was back to that empty feeling. I spoke with the holy spirit a lot this past 4 days... and he spoke back. As much as it hurts I told my husband that I would file for divorce because I know that if it wasn't for my actions and sinful mistakes I KNOW that my husband would never had wanted this divorce. So I dont want him to have to bare this pain to... I have put him through enough. I submitted our divorce online today...now I just have to pay the 250.00 to file and sign and have him sign. It hurts...It hurts a lot...but its better that I feel this pain then him. I have prayed a lot... and prayed and prayed... and its not over yet...I still wont give up, and I hope that my husband doesnt see this as me wanting this divorce and or me giving up, because with or without this divorce I swore tell my dying day and that is how I shall keep. He has a plan, and I trust him, I have faith that everything is going to be okay. But i will admit some days are harder then others..and today was that day...submitting that divorce was heart braking... its becoming to real. But my husband is thankful that I am taking this on he said "Ive never heard you talk like this, THANK YOU"... if he is happy then I am happy!

I DO totally understand where you are AND how you feel

I pray the Lord eases YOUR pain and heartache as you do what you feel led to do
And I pray the Lord heals you and your husband through all of this, and His will be done.

PLEASE do me and yourself a favor, stop beating yourself up over your past, it will not change anything only hurt you more, you have given it to God and asked for His forgiveness.....it is done.
3 years and I still beat myself up and it is not all my fault and even my ex admitted that, I thought that would help but it didn't , sis it takes 2 to fail just as it takes 2 to succeed, I could not change my ex wifes heart and make her love me and that hurt badly after 14 years I pray if it is God's will that it is different for you, but whatever the outcome I pray He gives you the strength to become whole again and know God loves you JUST AS YOU ARE.

God bless

Hello ChasingCars

God bless you this day.

I am glad that you can feel God's peace during this difficult decision-making time. I can appreciate that you feel somewhat conflicted, but keep seeking The Lord as you are doing, and doing so beautifully. The Lord loves you so very much, and He loves your husband and your little one.

I hope that after you complete the 14-Day CCCC Study, you'll continue moving forward on your journey with The Lord, and will also partake of some more of the awesome studies on this site. I hope, too, that you'll continue to be a part of this fold, of His family. It's a pleasure to get to know you, sister in Christ.

God bless and keep you, ChasingCars.
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack