I'm Not Going to Make it
Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 5:43 am
Today has been another one of THOSE days!!! On Monday I had TALKED to the women in charge of the company I work for about a check that was supposed to be mailed to me LAST WEEK for a new account that I didn’t get paid for. Well she gave me the run around & basically lied to me. I needed that money for my phone & because I didn’t get it my phone was turned off. My son got out of the Navy yesterday & I couldn’t even talk to him!!! He’s going to NJ before coming to Texas in the beginning of July. I’m so sick of the company I work for but I don’t have a lot of options being that I don’t have a license (I work with my wife & she drives). I watched this video on this site The Way of the Master on a topic that I’ve heard before. Basically it talks about 2 men on a flight & their offered parachutes: 1 is told it will make his flight better & the other it will save his life. The point being that if you “put on Christ” to make your life better, your doomed to fail BUT if you “put on Christ” to save your life you will become a good or real or something like that Christian. I know this is sad to say but to be honest I don’t care much about the afterlife. As far as I’m concerned I hope that when I die it’s just over & done with & I am just no more. I don’t remember anything from before I was born & as far as I’m concerned anything that happened before I was born for all practical purposes doesn’t exist & I hope that is the way it will be when I’m dead. I have almost died more than once & if there is a God I wish he just would have let me go because I’m in a no win situation. I’ve had a horrible time trying to get through this life & don’t feel like I have been very well equipped for the journey. Right from the very start in 1st grade I had problems getting along & it’s been a nightmare ever since. I ask God to come into my life hoping for His help BUT I’m made aware of the fact that that is not the right reason to except Christ. So I’m damned if I don’t except Him but I’m damned if I do!!! I don’t know I just wish this life was over because I can’t handle it. I’ve tried to have a relationship with Christ in the past only to fail & it’s probably because I didn’t do it for the right reasons. God please let me die; I’m already in hell so what’s the difference!!!