Stone 4
Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 11:24 amWell I knew this was going to come at some point.....forgiveness.
I thought I was doing pretty good on this one but as I was reading this two people did not stop coming to my mind.
You hit the nail on the head when you said that I have no problem forgiving the most awful things but extremely difficult time forgiving things that even I admit I should be able to just let go of.
My husband is crack addict and yet I have so much mercy for him. If you can imagine all of the atrocious things people on crack do....it has been done to me. It has been a reality in my life. But I truly love him. Love him like Jesus. Maybe that is what makes the difference. I can forgive anything with him. I mean forgive to the level of forgetting it has happened....the most awful things! I hope that I am not actually blocking things out but I feel as if I have forgiven.
Yet there are two ladies who really, I feel, destroyed everything in my life. They did reasonably small "offenses" but they set off a chain reaction of destruction in my life from hell. Literally. To make matters worse they were at one time my friend and the other one was someone who, I know this is wrong to begin with, but she made me feel like I mattered....like I had value because she looked up to me. (This is partially why I have the user id...notjustanumber) They both turned their back on me. It was already a terrible time in my life. Things were going on that they had no idea about....very hurtful and painful things.
These are the ladies who came to my mind when I was reading stone 4. Obviously I still need to forgive them. I don't think about that hurt all the time anymore like I used to but when I see them I literally wish I could pull out their hair. This makes me very angry with myself for even thinking about these things and gives me a reason to not forgive myself. Set up from hell isn't it.
I thought I was doing pretty good on this one but as I was reading this two people did not stop coming to my mind.
You hit the nail on the head when you said that I have no problem forgiving the most awful things but extremely difficult time forgiving things that even I admit I should be able to just let go of.
My husband is crack addict and yet I have so much mercy for him. If you can imagine all of the atrocious things people on crack do....it has been done to me. It has been a reality in my life. But I truly love him. Love him like Jesus. Maybe that is what makes the difference. I can forgive anything with him. I mean forgive to the level of forgetting it has happened....the most awful things! I hope that I am not actually blocking things out but I feel as if I have forgiven.
Yet there are two ladies who really, I feel, destroyed everything in my life. They did reasonably small "offenses" but they set off a chain reaction of destruction in my life from hell. Literally. To make matters worse they were at one time my friend and the other one was someone who, I know this is wrong to begin with, but she made me feel like I mattered....like I had value because she looked up to me. (This is partially why I have the user id...notjustanumber) They both turned their back on me. It was already a terrible time in my life. Things were going on that they had no idea about....very hurtful and painful things.
These are the ladies who came to my mind when I was reading stone 4. Obviously I still need to forgive them. I don't think about that hurt all the time anymore like I used to but when I see them I literally wish I could pull out their hair. This makes me very angry with myself for even thinking about these things and gives me a reason to not forgive myself. Set up from hell isn't it.
