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For some reason I don't think I am understanding what I am supposed to be doing or maybe it's just that God is leading me...so I am just going to do this to the best of my understanding. Today I think I am supposed to say some things good about my future. I also want to share something that happened over the weekend.

I need to be reminded about my future because today is really really really hard. My husband got put into rehab on Saturday which is a great thing because now he can get help but oh my goodness the way we had to do it was SO incredibly hard. I had to kick him out. Every person in his life has abandoned and rejected him. Now I guess I am one of them too. I had no other choice. He was smoking crack in my house while me and my daughter were living with my mom. He would not leave just by asking him. He would not get help just by asking him. I was put in a corner and had to make the hardest decision I have ever had to make.

Now he is angry with me and I love him so much. I love the old him. The husband I used to have that was a Christian and led his family in love to Christ. We loved each other so much. It was the best relationship I ever had. I miss him. Now he is gone and I don't even know if he will ever come back. He will be in rehab for at least a year. I will be left here to scrimp and scrap by...I don't make enough alone to pay all of the bills so I may loose the house. I am angry with him because of all the lies and the pain he caused me in the last couple of months but I love him so much. I am so conflicted.

I hurt. I hurt. I hurt so much. I smelled his pillow last night and it made me cry. He will not be laying there any more and he doesn't even love me anymore. Now he is angry with me for basically saving his life. He thinks I wanted to throw him out. No I didn't. I wanted him there sober. I didn't want to have to do that! I didn't want any of this! Crack is such a demon. I am not allowed to even talk to him for two weeks. I wish that he would get word to me somehow that he forgives me and he still loves me. It just hurts so much.

My future. Well for right now. it's hard for me to see the future. For today, for me, the future is today.....maybe this week....maybe this month but I need to start concentrating more on today and stop getting so far ahead of myself that it causes me to stress in today I think. My future holds a job that I am grateful for. My future holds a conversation with a publicist today about one of the books I have written.

Oh dear Njn,
I wish there was an easy out for this but there isn't and you stood up and took the path that one who desperately loves another had to take, He will hopefully see that this was out of love for him and nothing else but it will take some or all of that 2 weeks and they are going to be very hard for both of you, the addiction is just that...addiction so there is only one way to remove it and that is by force, his hatred for you is NOT him it is the addict side of him that does not wish to step away, I pray that you as well as some others that walked away from him due to this addiction can and will show him when the 2 weeks is up that you all are praying for his healing and there is nothing you want more than this to happen because you want your husband back, LOTS of prayer and that along with the treatment is what will see him through this.
As for the house and other things, put that in Gods hands, look at it this way had you NOT done what was needed the house would have been lost for sure along with everything in it because what was not sold for crack would have been lost because he would have fell into the addiction so hard it would have been his life 24-7, so don't give up God has a plan you just need to follow His leads as I feel you done this weekend.

I am angry with him because of all the lies and the pain he caused me in the last couple of months but I love him so much. I am so conflicted.

Please remember one thing, try to not be angry with him instead be angry at satan and the drug these are what destroyed things, so don't allow him to continue to destroy STAND UP in his face and tell him NO MORE!!!
You see when you allow hatered or anger that only feeds satan but when you say no I won't satan shrinks and becomes weak
So instead of the above statement say this : I am angry at satan for taking my husband BUT my God IS a stronger God and we want him BACK!!!
Pray for him daily as I already know you will, yours and Gods love is what will see him through this and he WILL get through this.

My future. Well for right now. it's hard for me to see the future. For today, for me, the future is today.....maybe this week....maybe this month but I need to start concentrating more on today and stop getting so far ahead of myself that it causes me to stress in today I think.

One of my most favorite but corny sayings is : One day at a time, when ask how I'm doing or something simular this is my reply most of the time
Matthew 6:25
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life.
Put your trust in the Lord and he will provide.
I pray He will bless you with the job and the publishing of the book if it is in His will to do so.
May God wrap His loving arms around you AND your husband and show you mercy and love.
Cuc

Thanks ...that's good advice. God bless.

Hello Notjustanumber (((hugs)))

God bless you this day.

You are a strong woman, and the bravery that it took to do what NEEDED to be done, well, it is proof of the strength The Lord has given you. Thank You Jesus!

I know it had to be very difficult, and heart wrenching, but it needed to be done. Your husband is now in a place where he can get the help he so desperately needs.

Take this time to get your daughter and you settled, and live the life God has for you, with hope and with love, and with joy, and with peace. Concentrate on making your home restful and filled with God's love, peace and joy for your daughter and you, and when your husband does come home, he'll see God's hand in it.

Notjustanumber, you will not be betraying your husband by feeling and living in God's joy and peace. God is still God, and the fruit of The Holy Spirit is still available to you, and He and the fruit of The Holy Spirit is a necessity for all of us. We need The Lord. And, it would not do you, your daughter nor your husband any good, for him to be healed, only to come home to his wife and child to find they had fallen ill or in total despair, due to his absence. Reminder: A house does not make a home -- people loving one another and taking care of one another makes a home. So worry not about this particular house. God makes provision for His children, of which each of your family members qualifies. Thank You Jesus. Commit yourself to The Lord and He will give you all you need.

For a long while now, your husband's addiction has been the focus. But, every single one of us has sin, faults and worldly habits and thinking. Time to focus on your own relationship with The Lord, and allow Him to rid you of some of the things in your own mind, body and spirit that are contrary to Him. The Lord loves you so very much, and He desires an intimate relationship with you: A blessed relationship -- one that will not only benefit you, but all that come in contact with you.

Notjustanumber, you belong to The Lord. Let Him comfort you, heal you and use you for His glory.

My prayers continue to rise to The Lord in the name of Jesus, on your behalf. May God's blessed and perfect will be done.

God bless you, dear Notjustanumber. Rest in Him.
Love,
Sister Mack

Hello notjustanumber

I cant tell you how glad I am to come across your post and read hope ! You are in the right place , and doing what you're supposed to do .

I am an alcoholic /drug addict , and that my name just happened to be vahn . But for the Grace of our Lord , I have accomplished to put in a couple of twentyfour hours behind me without finding the necessity for me to pick up either drink or a drug .

I am also glad to hear that another crack addict got put away some where that they would stop terrorizing the whole family , and especially glad that the place he got put away was in a rehabilitation facility .

I can hardly add any thing to what our brother Cuc , and sister Mack wrote , and that I am in agreement with what they had to say .

I had never met ANY crack addict , that said "I made it .. I got everything I worked for .. I am now enjoying the limelight ... the great success in life" ... but rather , I heard a lot of prison and life sentences .

Of course your husband is mad at you ... you interfered with his drug use !! And of course , let me add , that he was just as mad because YOU were the one who got him to use drugs to begin with as well .... am I right ?

Dump the addict , keep your husband . In the meanwhile , take advantage of his "involuntary" absence to get your own life back together , who knows , maybe by then you'll find out you dont need him anyways ... wanting someone to be around out of "NEED" is not a very healthy situation ... BOTH of you need to learn how to stand on your own two feet First , so you'll stop feeding on each other's addiction(s) .

There is a very good reason as to why they recomend the "two week hiatus" he needs to find out , FOR and BY himself , whether to continue on with his recovery . And you NEED to leave him alone .... what I am seeing here is very common .... you want to do the recovery FOR him , THAT is the way he sees it ..... you mention het GOT put into rehab ... he was NOT agreeing to it ! am I correct ? .... If that be the case , I have some hard truth for you ... FORGET IT !

My dearest sister ... see to it that you get some normalcy in your life .... you already made a HUGE start by coming here , and having GOD to do the steering .

Keep up the good work

Luv ya
In Christ , our Lord
vahn

Hey...thank you both for your input. I appreciate the feedback. I guess I need to be more careful with my words...he didn't get put in rehab...I would agree with you Vahn, that in that case it definitely wouldn't work. What happened was that I kept not letting him experience the consequences of his choices for a long time. I pretty much took them for him. It has been like hell for me. Then he flat out chose crack over God. I put it to him in that way. So I told him he had two hours to get out of the house or I would call the police. He left kicking and screaming the whole time. However, about two hours after that...when he realized he had no where to go and was homeless...then he was ready to do whatever it took to get sober...so he checked himself into a rehab. Actually God worked a miracle because they took him with nothing that day. They are working with him on the money. It was truly a miracle.

I am not sure what you mean about I got him to do drugs. ? If I did I would say it on here because you all don't know who I am and I feel safe to share things I wouldn't normally. I was an addict/alcoholic until 2000 and then God helped me and delivered me. I have not gone back.

I will definitely agree with you that I have recently realized that I do have some issues with co-dependency so in that aspect yes I need some help. I went to an al anon meeting and I plan on continuing and seeking God about this matter. I do not accept that I "Drove him to use" or any thoughts like that. He is a grown man and can make his own choices.

I agree with you that this time apart is good for both of us. I am also really enjoying this site. I wish I had known it was here a long time ago

Thanks for your input

Glad to hear about your clean time , keep up the good work

No , I did NOT say that you "drove him" ... but rather . that HE would be saying such . It was a continual response as to your mentioning his anger for getting him into rehab . Sorry for the misunderstanding .



In Christ , our Lord

Oh Yes....You are right about that too LOL! ....keep up your good work too. God is amazing

God Bless you notjustanumber! Your circumstance feels so familiar. My best friend, then my brother...My God wrap you in his love & strength and give you some peace.

In Gods Love & strength Always,
4getmenot