Christianity Oasis Member Forum & Chat Room

I am trying to stay right by the lord. I want to always remember His will before I do something rather than ask for forgiveness after I do something. I have more to journal but I gotta go

Hang in there!

We're here for you!

GBU

Hi there.
Welcome and letting you know I'm waiting for next post.

GBU

Real

I am back to finish my first entry. This is what is going on that I need help with. I am separated from my pregnant wife and I can only blame myself. I do get frustrated towards her at giving up and being very angry with me but it is all my fault. I would prefer to be together as a family. We have two children together and the second will arrive in September. I get so overwhelmed with regret and anger towards myself for every time I acted violent or raised my voice or didn't let her have what she wanted or spent my families money on my drug habit. I know Jesus brings peace. Anything action I take that allows me to experience peace, is what God wants me to do. Thoughts that have been bothering me the most is thoughts of suicide. I doubt I will act on it but the thoughts come in almost constantly. These thoughts must be the devil himself whispering in my ear or just evidence of my naturally wicked heart. I want to stop thinking a work about how to jump off the top floor and whether the amount of floors would be enough to kill me or just paralyze me. I want to stop thinking about when I get off work which drugs from Walgreens would do the job, or could I suffocate myself properly with grocery bags and duct tape when I get home. If I could get the courage to talk to a friend about these thoughts, I have hope it would lessen these destructive thoughts. The person I trust the most is my brother but I think it would hurt him if I told him. People in church hold up the bible and say this is where all your solutions are. I believe them. Christ has changed my life and since I have accepted him ten months ago the bible has taken on a whole new meaning. I still managed to ruin my marriage by working on things before working on my relationship with God. I acted as if work and making money was what mattered most. Now I know I need Him first before anything else.

Right on brother!
Keep telling the truth.
Never know what god has planned around the corner.
Thanks.

GBU

Real

Hello Ed

A person whose wisdom I admire a lot (sponsor) , once told me , "you know , somtimes , things happen , that we have adsolutely no control over , much less as to have a clue of why they happen "

I am 100% convinced that you love your family ... and , sadly ... you also love your drugs . I don't think I need to tell you , that when one finds himself in a situation like that ... deep inside , he knows and fears for the day that , sooner or later one of the two is going to go , and that fear intensifies in time ... more fear , more calamity ... and when the dreaded moment arrives , and we get panic-stricken and we want out ... because we did not prepare for it , but then again how could we , am I correct ?

Brother , thoughts never did any damage at all ... in fact , thoughts don't do anything at all , we may think 1000 negative stuff , or we can DO one thing , the "one" wins , like you did .... you thought all that nonesense of self-degradation , but you DID come here to an Oasis of Christianity ... where we share with each other like brothers and sisters ....

You won !! (through God's Grace that is ... don't let it go to your head )

Keep up the good work bro
Luv ya
In Christ , our Lord
vahn