Christianity Oasis Forum

[Jordan89]

Ok so I saw that the first stepping stone is to start a journal and I don't even know where to begin. I am a 22 year old married woman who today feels more alone than ever. My husband has a very serious drug addiction. I have given him the choice ok rehab and try and save our marriage or to continue doing drugs and walk away from us. Well he has just entered a 3 month rehab program through our church. I am trying to stay strong, but it is so hard. When I go to pray about us I can't put the thought of all the hurt out of my mind. It's like all the stuff he has done is coming to mind. When that happens I just break down. How can you love someone who has done these things to you and your kids? How could he let his problem get this bad? What have I done to deserve this? Yet at the same time I cry because I'm alone. I miss him, I think I'm going crazy. I feel mad at him, myself, God everyone. Through everything that has happened I feel like God doesn't care like he isn't with me. I feel ALONE!!! I try to pray, but its like I still hurt I don't feel any relief and I feel like I can't go on. I don't know if I can take this. I am depressed and its making it hard to take care of my 18 month old and my 4 month old. I want to write him and encourage him, but all I can think is he'll be ok while he is there, but he isn't gonna change. I know I shouldn't think that, but I just don't know what to do.......... All I wanna do is cry..........

[momof3]

Hi Jordan and welcome to the CCCC and Oasis! Im so thankful for you and for the Lord Jesus leading you here. I believe you will find healing within these steps and I believe the Lord led you here to show you that He DOES hear you. He does hear your cries and He knows and understands your pain.

In reading your post..wow..I know how you feel. Ive been there with a sister who abused prescribed medications and asked myself most of the same questions you are asking yourself. She too, had kids I was concerned about and angry over.

My sister in Jesus, this burden your husband is carrying is just that. It is a sickness he carries and as his wife and family, you are subjected to it as well. I can say there are several groups out there within the AA community that can offer you and your kids help..but, this sickness isnt something your husband can heal himself from. I understand the anger you are feeling and at the same time the love you have for him. One thing you must do is forgive him. That does not mean the addiction is ok...it doesnt mean that it can go on around you and your children..but the anger and the hurt this addiction has caused must be forgiven, not only for your sake, but for all involved. Unforgiveness grows like any other addiction or illness and kills everything around it. Give all of this, including your husband to the Lord. Your husband is responsible for his choices and the Lord loves him, too. Let the Lord work in your husband. Pray for your husband. Find ways to encourage him. Pray for your children and your marriage..and keep doing these steps in the meantime. Work on letting the Lord heal you, as well...we arent strong, sister, but He is. Let Him give you His strength.

Im so glad the Lord led you here. I truly believe you will find the answers you are looking for. There is a forum here called Cool Recovery that deals with addictions, as well. You are not alone in this. May God bless you on this journey and give you peace through this time.

In Jesus,
love momo

[phantomfaith]

Hi Jordan and glad you are here. Things will get better, they always do its just at times everything hits at once and we cannot for the life of us hang on to carry on. Its difficult to even get out of bed. Our responsibilities are what finally push us up and get into the day. But when we are forced to do that our life isnt being lived in joy but in obligation. Thats what can make us so depressed. There seems as if there is no hope.

But the good news is that their is Hope. We can change our thoughts and soon after our heart changes and we can live again thru Gods Love and Mercy and Grace for us all. Just keep pluggin away at these steps and you will see during and at the end Gods love for you and a new relationship revived with Him. As they say in recovery groups "Fake it till you make it' . Meaning, right now its too tough for you but just pretend it isnt and once you get your new spiritual habits down, you wont have to fake it anymore.

Here is a song that always helps me when I am feeling hopeless. Its who we turn to, the Only One we can turn to, to be Alive again. Peace and Love and God Bless you Jordan

[xxJILLxx]

Jordan,


Welcome to Oasis. I am so sorry for all the emotional pain you are going through. There has been alot of Truth shared here and realy cant add much to that except my encouragement, support and my prayers.

One day at time sis and stay connected with Him and with people who will support you and encourage you through this.

Gbu
♥Jill

[Dora]

Praying for you Jordan!!! There will be a better day.

[Jordan89]

Thank you all for your support! I feel a lot better today than yesterday! I am working on the forgiving part, it is very hard. I just pray hard everyday and hope that it gets better! Please keep praying that we will see results after the 90 day rehab!!


THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!!!

[momof3]

praying and praying some more for you and yours. Dont give up..He is with you always.

Love in Jesus,
momo

[xxJILLxx]

u and yours remain in my prayers

Glad to see u are feeling better I see a twinkle of hope there that was lit.

Gbu
♥Jill