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well i believe that this requires complete and total honesty so here we go...i didnt do step three. i had a horrible day today. it started out badly...i had a dream about my wife and i getting divorced...and when i woke up i had a great desire to be with her...as i have explained before she has no desire to spend any time with me. i spent the entire day at work in a foul mood and i was unmotivated basically feeling sorry for myself. i got into an argument with my dad after work because i was short tempered and rude with him.i spent some time on the computer doing nonsense on facebook and waited for my wife to contact me.well actually i sent message after message until she responded. once again because i was in a foul mood i screwed things up. i gave her an ultimatum that backfired in my face.when we stopped the conversation it was about divorce and how she didnt want to talk to me unless it was about the children.

needless to say today was not the best day i have had in my life...but i have no one to blame but myself. i didnt pray today.i did not read any scripture. i found it difficult to even think about god.these things are the very reason i believe i am beyond redemption. one day i am on fire for this and the next im repulsed by it?i dont understand myself or why i make the choices i do...because i know everything that took place today was because i had a negative attitude. i couldnt keep a positive thought in my head even when i tried to.i guess at this point all i can do is start again tomorrow...

Sovern,

We will have those bad days, and I'm sorry you had a bad day. I see alot of honesty in your post and i see that you realise your part and influence you had in those events and how you could of chose different outcomes to each situation. That shows growth brother, so I see alot learned

The enemy is slick, hes a punk. I say this because i too know of the negative influences that he tries to get me to focus on when he attacks me in my sleep. I mean i dream of some off the wall stuff sometimes. But i have come to realise that when i am sleeping, that lil punk will try to sneak on in my head through my dreams. Shake em off and see them for what they are , a dire attempt to sway us off the path we are gaining ground on. So next time you have a dream like that, dont focus on it. What i did this morning is talked to God about my dream and reassured me that it wasnt from Him and it gave me a sense of peace from the dream.

Main thing is get back up and try again brother Seek HIm early in the morning and ask Him to guide all yr daily events and cover them with His guidance and wisdom.

back to the path bro.
God bless
♥Jill

Appears the enemy didn't like the progress you were making so he planted some seeds in your mind through a dream. Got'cha didn't he. But only for a short time. Today is a new day. A new start. You recognize your errors and are repentant which the Lord is pleased with. Now is a good time to learn the ways of your enemy so you can become stronger and not fall so quickly.

I'm sorry about your situation with your wife. I will be praying for Gods will over this.

Change is coming brother. Just keep seeking Him and moving forward.

God loves you and so do I.

I agree with all the things Jill and Pine responded with on this. The biggest lie is that you are beyond redemption.

nobody is beyond where God can reach...i believe you recognized and learned some things though...prayer, reading your Bible, focusing on God...these are all things you can to to send the enemy running in the other direction.

family situations are tough...I been there...divorced, angry, saying and doing a lot of things I regretted later...refusing to let God help me...or better yet getting out of the way and letting Him take care of it.

seemed to me the first few steps on the path back were the hardest too. Have patience, wait on Him, and He will meet you at your point of need

i for the life of me cannot wrap my mind around how people over a computer screen can do what counselors and psychiatrists could not do for years...IN 4 DAYS! i mean i got sober through a 12 step program for quite a period of time...but never felt hope like this not even on my best day...i prayed i went to church i went out of my way to help other people but i always felt like something was missing...it was the word of god...without a doubt that is the one thing that has been missing in my life...