God forgives me ...
not as something that is my automatic right, not because of anything I have done
but because of his great grace; because of His love and mercy
he forgives the sins I've committed against him ...... because really all sin is against God
by what right do i have then to hold unforgiveness against myself? none, and yet ....... sometimes it seems so easy to be angry with self, to be so totally consumed with self blame and hatred
because although we are forgiven there are still consequences to any sin
and so we get angry then at the consequences; and because of this anger get angry at ourselves because it is our fault that there are these consequences
and sometimes the consequences are forever at least in this life so somehow there is that need to both seek forgiveness for the sin and for bringing onto ourselves the consequences; where instead of the good gifts God longed to give us we have something different because of our disobedience
there is no value in this anger, no value, it does nobody any good and yet knowing all of this, it still remains