Amber's Journal of New Beginnings
Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 7:53 amWell, to begin with, I've never done anything like this before. Writing down my emotions and thoughts is all new to me. Most of the time I just talk to the Lord like he's standing right beside me about everything. Anyway, to start with, I'll tell you a little about me. I'm 37, been married 3 times, I have 2 boys from my 2nd marriage and they are a huge blessing to me. My first marriage failed because he thought it was ok to mentally and physically abuse me, of course, I got married at 18 so we were both really way to young to understand fully what marriage meant. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't excuse what he did. My second marriage lasted almost 10 years. I went through a lot of mental abuse with that one and my ex-husband wasn't very good at showing emotion. I stayed in that marriage as long as I did for my children; however, hind sight being 20/20, I see that wasn't the answer.
Let me explain a few things, I was raised in good, christian family. My parents made sure we were in church whenever the doors opened, which now I'm glad of. I was saved when I was 12 years old. Since that time I've gone through all kinds of trials, tribulations, ups and downs. I've walked away from God and back to him so many times I should have my own pathway to him named..
. I've done A LOT of things in my life that weren't christian. I let the world and the devil take over. Then, in the blink of an eye, the Lord brought me what I thought was the perfect man. I had been divorced from my second husband for 5 years. My third husband came into my life in June of 2009. We had EVERYTHING in common. He had 2 boys, I had 2 boys, and we enjoyed the same things but the biggest thing we had in common was the Lord. He was a christian and our values were the same. I was so excited. I fell head over heels in love with him from the get go. We only dated a couple of months before we were married in August of 2009. It seemed my life was finally coming together. He was so good to me. He took care of me and always made me feel so special. Then, on April 21st of this year, while I was at work , he moved out. I had no clue it was happening. I was crushed. We hadn't really been fighting, I mean we had our disagreements but no huge horrible fights. I thought everything was fine. He even kissed me before he left for work that morning and told me he loved me. I've wanted to try marriage counseling but he is against it. He says he loves me but isn't in love with me anymore. I have a really hard time believing that because his actions up to that day said otherwise. I truly believe the Lord brought us together and I'm having a really hard time trying to figure out why this is happening. I turn to Him in prayer constantly and I keep myself in his Word for guidance and answers. Maybe it happened to bring me closer to Him? Maybe it happened because I wasn't the christian wife I should have been? I don't know but one thing I do know is my Lord will never give me anything more than I can handle.
So, I'm here and I'm starting my journal so that I can move on, hopefully. I'm having a really hard time letting my husband go and I don't know if it's for selfish reasons or if it's because the Lord doesn't want me to let him go. I'm so confused. Anyway, I'm going to go for now. Write more later!!
Let me explain a few things, I was raised in good, christian family. My parents made sure we were in church whenever the doors opened, which now I'm glad of. I was saved when I was 12 years old. Since that time I've gone through all kinds of trials, tribulations, ups and downs. I've walked away from God and back to him so many times I should have my own pathway to him named..
. I've done A LOT of things in my life that weren't christian. I let the world and the devil take over. Then, in the blink of an eye, the Lord brought me what I thought was the perfect man. I had been divorced from my second husband for 5 years. My third husband came into my life in June of 2009. We had EVERYTHING in common. He had 2 boys, I had 2 boys, and we enjoyed the same things but the biggest thing we had in common was the Lord. He was a christian and our values were the same. I was so excited. I fell head over heels in love with him from the get go. We only dated a couple of months before we were married in August of 2009. It seemed my life was finally coming together. He was so good to me. He took care of me and always made me feel so special. Then, on April 21st of this year, while I was at work , he moved out. I had no clue it was happening. I was crushed. We hadn't really been fighting, I mean we had our disagreements but no huge horrible fights. I thought everything was fine. He even kissed me before he left for work that morning and told me he loved me. I've wanted to try marriage counseling but he is against it. He says he loves me but isn't in love with me anymore. I have a really hard time believing that because his actions up to that day said otherwise. I truly believe the Lord brought us together and I'm having a really hard time trying to figure out why this is happening. I turn to Him in prayer constantly and I keep myself in his Word for guidance and answers. Maybe it happened to bring me closer to Him? Maybe it happened because I wasn't the christian wife I should have been? I don't know but one thing I do know is my Lord will never give me anything more than I can handle. So, I'm here and I'm starting my journal so that I can move on, hopefully. I'm having a really hard time letting my husband go and I don't know if it's for selfish reasons or if it's because the Lord doesn't want me to let him go. I'm so confused. Anyway, I'm going to go for now. Write more later!!
so pleased you are here. 
