Christianity Oasis Forum

[chantel103]

Ok this is a bit weird for me.. Ive never wrote my feelings down but Im in a place I dont know what else to do.. So here it goes.

Today is a bit harder for me than normal and Im stuggling with the urge to cut or burn myself anything to take the pain away that I feel inside. I feel like im nothing and no one would want to love me or help me. Ive learned to hold everything inside and not to trust anyone.

Im consumed with fear, fear to be touched, fear to be loved, fear to be rejected, fear to be alive, fear to be dead.
Well this was a good start

Ok day two... I feel ok today but dont want to be left alone.. I had a panic attack this afternoon that has left me feeling weird but afterwards I got up and did what I normally do, so I didnt let it keep me down today with is a big victory..

Im not being so hard on myself today so yay me I dont have many days like this but when they do happen it makes me crave to have more good days instead of bad and I think thats good... well im still learning to write what Im thinking

It may not be alot but Its alot to me.. I just dont want to be known as a freak here. Well today has not been a good day for me. I have so much thoughts going on in my head and I cant make them stop. Why do I even bother sometimes. It would be better if I wasnt alive. Ugh I hate feeling like this. I feel worthless. I try and be postive about things but man things keep piling up on me and I just want to give up and today this is how I feel. Hopfully tomarrow will be better.

[Lani]

Hey Sis


indeed a good start
Thank you for stepping into that which feels "weird" to seek His peace.
This is what I pray your journey toward healing brings... His Peace.

anything to take the pain away

Understood..... a pain is much more manageable when we feel in control of it huh?
I pray your choice to share allowed you an opportunity to gain that feeling of control instead.


I know this is hard to accept at times and is a lil scary in our existence of hurt... but

You are somebody
You are loved
and in that LOVE, God has lead you to an awesome source of help and healing in His truth.

I pray you will continue to step into that "weird" zone and continue to share... allowing LIGHT to be shed in those areas we wish to hide causes the weeds to shrivel and fade away.

Prayer for strength and Freedom in

Peace n Luv in Christ,
Lani

[Christnundrconstruxn]

First welcome Home chantel,
I wanted to remind you that fear is the devils #1 tool, research it and think about that
A lot of what we do wrong in life is out of fear of something or for something.
I pray that you are able to put your trust into our Lord and know He will protect you
Please know that you are loved by ALL here and there will be no judgement here, PLEASE don't hurt yourself anymore that is only fueling the devil in his control over you, everytime you resist it you are weakening his grip on you and showing him God IS stronger in your life.
So give satan another black eye and tell him to BACKOFF!!
Chantel God loves you and so do we!!
Cuc