Blogging? Is this where we do it?
Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2011 3:22 pm
ok. I entered into this 14 day counseling thing hoping and fearful... As I venture into this counseling endeavor I can not help bit feel nervoucs. Each one of us has stuff, but I feel like my stuff is so different. I have been focusing on being poured out at the foot of the cross - even at Jesus feet but I am here adn fearing the many "what ifs". So here I go....
My first thought is "I think im depressed." I dont see my children any more as beautiful gifts with a bright future. I look at them and see my failures. I see two beautiful children who are extremely obedient, and respectful. they have honored God and their parents. Why would God want them to go through this.....My husband and I have been in the 'ministry" for 20 years. we moved across the country for a "better" oppurtunity to minister the Gospel to women. it was good at first. Then things started happening and 5 hospital stays later, and a quadruple bypass we ended up back where we started. ONly we were living in the basement of our friends house- all four of my kdis and all four of hers. Yes that makes 12 people in all. My husband was on death's door, neither one of us had jobs, and I was lost. My trust in God was waivering, my understanding of Him was blown to smitherenes, and I had to keep it all together for the kids. On top of that my husband received news he had to get his leg amputated...crushing. He got his leg amputated and all seemed well until helanded in hospital one more time with infection. This was a devastating blow because we thougth the amputation was going to end the hospital stays. I am working and now struggling to find time to take him to dr appts- take kids to their stuff adn still maintain a semblance of normalcy.
to be continued....
My first thought is "I think im depressed." I dont see my children any more as beautiful gifts with a bright future. I look at them and see my failures. I see two beautiful children who are extremely obedient, and respectful. they have honored God and their parents. Why would God want them to go through this.....My husband and I have been in the 'ministry" for 20 years. we moved across the country for a "better" oppurtunity to minister the Gospel to women. it was good at first. Then things started happening and 5 hospital stays later, and a quadruple bypass we ended up back where we started. ONly we were living in the basement of our friends house- all four of my kdis and all four of hers. Yes that makes 12 people in all. My husband was on death's door, neither one of us had jobs, and I was lost. My trust in God was waivering, my understanding of Him was blown to smitherenes, and I had to keep it all together for the kids. On top of that my husband received news he had to get his leg amputated...crushing. He got his leg amputated and all seemed well until helanded in hospital one more time with infection. This was a devastating blow because we thougth the amputation was going to end the hospital stays. I am working and now struggling to find time to take him to dr appts- take kids to their stuff adn still maintain a semblance of normalcy.
to be continued....